Serious Issues with stagnation in life

[Steak34]

Hi here bc I have serious issues with "fear of change" in life.

Im 31 yrs old, fit the borderline pd diagnosis and have struggled with a depression and anxiety.

EMDR is helped with Depression but Anxiety keeps rearing its ugly head.
I dont know if my situation is very unique but I sure as heck dont know anyone in it.

When Im financially/situation wise ready to move out of my moms' house I get so anxious that I cant sleep, my acid reflux surfaces and I just say the heck with it and dont move out.

Anytime a change is on the horizon such as more success in work, life, relationships my mind/body cant handle the fear of change so I shut down. I revert back to the same old boring, empty life.

Therapist says Im unconsciously holding onto my relationship with my father who was pretty much a parasitic bum and who never accomlished anything in life and just sat around the house. She thinks that Im afraid of becoming more successfull than him which triggers alot of anxiety. I guess that explains the abstract answers pretty well but its still not getting the changes I want in my life.

Again Im dissapointed in my EMDR therapists so Im thinking about seeing a hypnotist. I really need to get out of my moms house. I try really hard not to ruminate about moving out but the anxiety still someohow effects me.

It sucks. Will a hypnotist work? .Is anyone here this resistant to change?? It feels like I only can handle anxiety is when I lead a boring, thankless life with no change on the horizon..Buying new clothes, starting new projects, moving out all lead to hardcore anxiety. Ive been in therapy for 6 years and suffice to say, its been really slow process. Numerous visits to doctors with heightened symptons that turn out be nothing but anxiety are a norm as are sleep problems.

Advice??

[Zeeshan]

" Ive been in therapy for 6 years and suffice to say, its been really slow process."

Even General Managers get fired if they dont get their teams in the playoffs with in 4 years. Therapy for 6 years, and nothing accomplished. The therapist is wasting your time, and stealing you money.

Oh yea and about moving out, grow some balls and do it.

[Steak34]

Originally Posted by Zeeshan

" Ive been in therapy for 6 years and suffice to say, its been really slow process."

Even General Managers get fired if they dont get their teams in the playoffs with in 4 years. Therapy for 6 years, and nothing accomplished. The therapist is wasting your time, and stealing you money.

Oh yea and about moving out, grow some balls and do it.

LOL- go back and read about me being diagnosed with BPD...If you know anything about BPD and then you know that the condition isnt anything like a GM 3 year term contract in the NFL. If youre blind and cant do research on BPD then I can send to you in Braille...

Grow some balls? I was ballsy enough to share some my issues online here. Want meet me in SEA and tell me I need to grow some balls?

Zeeshan-Stay positive and on topic. If you cant then get lost. Im here to find like-minded ppl not substance-lacking, fluff advice coming from the likes of you.

[Zeeshan]

Originally Posted by Steak34

LOL- go back and read about me being diagnosed with BPD...If you know anything about BPD and then you know that the condition isnt anything like a GM 3 year term contract in the NFL. If youre blind and cant do research on BPD then I can send to you in Braille...

Grow some balls? I was ballsy enough to share some my issues online here. Want meet me in SEA and tell me I need to grow some balls?

Zeeshan-Stay positive and on topic. If you cant then get lost. Im here to find like-minded ppl not substance-lacking, fluff advice coming from the likes of you.

just do it, dont worry just do it

[Steak34]

^^youre either in mass denial or need a serious education about mood disorders

[Michael127]

You really need to move out of your mom's house. If you don't, then you will never know what it is like to live. Also, change your counsellour. She sounds like she is not helping you. In 6 years, you should be working and on your own with therapy I would think. Therapy is slow, but not that slow.

If you move out, then you will have to solve your own problems rather than using your family as a crutch. It is the only way to be truly independent. It is hard, but you have to do it.

[Steak34]

Michael-

I was seeing a psychodynamic therapist until 1 yr ago. The EMDR in the past three months has allowed me to become healthier and do better in my business.

HOWEVER- Since 2010 Ive been having the same problem over and over again- any type of big change on the horizon and my body shuts down, gets horrible anxiety, acid reflux and other stuff. In the past
1) Ive been to jail
2) Done illegal things business-wise
3) Got into brawls

I could careless about my father- he is the source of this anxiety but why blame the past?

None of these things compare to the anxiety when change is on the horizon-dating, success, graduating from college, moving out for good..

I dont know what it is but any kind of CHANGE/SUCCESS reaks havoc and physically/mentally for me to the point I just give up. Its a very ridiculous problem. Acting crazy/destroying my life, stagnation is easy but any kind of upward movement is causing ridiculous anxiety in me.

[Mina84]

- Would you like to move out or are you happy living with your mom?
- Are you financially independent?
- How is your relationship with your mom?
- Do you also have SA?

Talk to your mom, tell her you'd like to move out for 1 month or 2, just to see how it is, but that you don't want to lose her support. Knowing you can always go back to her can help reduce some of the anxiety.

Do it in small steps. For example:
week 1: figure out where you would like to live (small or big apartment, a house?, a shared apartment? in the middle of city? near your mom's house?...lol..etc)

week 2: search for apartments online, see what is available, explore your options

week 3: ask your mom or a friend (if you have one) to go see the apartments with you.

Do this several times.

- What is it about moving out that makes you anxious? Are you afraid of being alone?

[Mia Q]

(Okay, I'm assuming you have borderline Parkinson's disease here. But if you're actually refering to bipolar disorder then I'm not sure of how to help. )

Before actually acting on change, you need to get used to the idea of change and what you want to change. And realise change isn't as frightening. It's a natural process that everyone experiences in life. Imagine what you want your life to be like - anxiety free, independence, finishing college, etc. Build up determination and acceptance, then take really small steps towards it.

And I don't see how hypnosis is going to be detrimental, it may actually reduce your anxiety so I think give it a few shots before deciding anything. You could see hypnosis therapy as a step away from stagnation.

[Steak34]

Its not bipolar not parkinsons-its a case of borderline personality disorder..The EMDR helps alot witht the bpd characteristics but the problem is that Im still very resistant to change when it comes to positive change occuring/sustaining.
Like I said I have no problem getting into trouble or causing mayhem but the anxiety streak kicks in when I try to better myself.

I already explained the theory of why positive changes are hard for me- Im traumautised and I dont want to "outdo" my dad...But again thats the theory and Im not making excuses.

Hypnosis just seems to be the next thing to do bc everything else has failed dubiously.

[agun]

This is my first post. I was just searching the internet for what people thought about hypnotheraphy and arrived here. I have a moderate ammount of social anxiety.

I joined because I also have a fear of change and found the answer to why I do although I haven't solved the problem. Couldn't resist sharing my discoveries.

We fear change because change marks a before and an after. It accentuates the passing of time. This can cause many bad feelings in us. Mainly the fear of death. However much your subconcious doesn't want time to pass, time passes and there is nothing you can do about it.

You may remember when you where young waking up one night crying because you didn't want to die.

For me, fear of change also creates a feeling of fear of regret for not changing before, for having "wasted" my life in fear.

We need to accept that nothing is forever and stuff comes to an end much sooner than we think. We also need to learn how to let go of the past.
Use the past as a tool to live the present, not the present as a tool to relive the past.

How to do all this I have no idea. (I hope my shrink can help me out here)

We also need to manage our control issues. I want to be sure it's going to be ok and have everything under control whenever I decide to leave home (gulp).

But the truth is that we are all helpless, exposed, our butts in the air, along with everyone else.

Think that you are going to move out, you may feel lonely, even more sad, anxious, different, vulnerable, cold, hungry, etc. But at least you will be creating new memories, learning new life lessons, becoming stronger by facing a fear, learning how to cook stuff, how to clean an oven, running to the store with a half-soiled butt because you forgot to buy TP, etc.

Sounds bad. But if you accept the bad you won't be subconciously angry when you find out your expectations where too high. Subconcious anger makes you depressed.
However you can establish a feeling of safety through a routine. It makes you feel that life is more predictable.

Also know that on an existencial level, you along with everyone else will always be alone because nobody feels exactly what you feel from your perspective no matter how empathic the other person is.

We are like computers. Some more connected to the internet than others, but all alone inside their cases unable to tell other computers how dusty they feel their fans are.

Woo... 6:45am. Better get to bed.