One form of therapy: Total Denial.

[billym223]

I've been visiting this forum and another called Avoidant Personality Group for years.

My life and my history is riddled with examples of serious social anxiety/social inhabition/antisocial behavior. I don't like to think back on it, because it's all very sad and troubling and depressing.

Needless to say, as with anyone who suffers from this, there are many years and months and periods of one's life where there is little happiness, little connection with others and great feelings of failure.

I never could stick with drug therapy or particularly with CBT.

I came up with a totally different way of dealing with it: Total Denial.

It came about in part through my own efforts and in part through a sort of cognative dissonance. You just sort of develop a process that takes a very long time where you block out the negative thinking.

I'm at a point now where I go about my day with nary a thought to my "social" problems, how screwed up I am or how awkward I feel.

I almost never think about it. I basically think of myself as no different than anyone else. What, me worry?

It seems to have helped. I don't overanalyze almost at all my interactions with people. If I feel tense or hesitation about an exchange with someone, I quickly block it out and let it blow over.

My point is this: by making an effort to completely block out the obsessive, negative thinking, I feel I've come out of this better, but also emptier.

I left behind a big part of myself. I now feel oddly detached, removed emotionally and dull. The intense emotional reactions to everyone I encountered are lessened. The "narrative" of my life has changed. Instead of every day being a challenge to fit in and feel better and feel liked, now I just feel like every day is just ... another day. After all, there's nothing "wrong" with me and I'm "normal", right? Now I've adopted this Barneyesque view of things: "You love me, I love you, we're all one big happy family."

You just accept everyone, neutralize perceived threatening situations, and block out ANY negative self-evalution.

I've found myself in social situations I would have never expected before. Hanging out with groups of people and acting like I'm "normal" like them and thinking nothing of it. Some people have commented, "You? Shy? You don't seem shy at all."

But am I normal? I've gotten fewer weird looks and less awkward silences. But do I feel like I'm connecting, being myself, having a good time and living in the moment? Not really.

I feel like I'm just coping.

I feel like I'm now on the opposite end of the spectrum -- so far in the other direction of social anxiety, but not in an honest, genuine place of existence. Almost the way a drug just covers up the problem, the denial keeps you in a state of suspension.

It really does feel that way. Yes, things are better. My communication is more fluid, less stilted. I'm more humble, more accepting of others, more likely to see others as just another person on this planet like me. I spend less time obsessing. But I feel like I've simply given myself a wash of white paint, so I fit in. Everything I do and say is guaged against a meter of what is likely to be the least offensive/most likely to gain approval/most likely to "seem" normal. I've stopped judging -- now I just accept everyone. If I accept them, they'll accept me.

I miss ...me, though. It's just that "me" never really got me anywhere.

[Lisa]

Sounds to me like your problems run deeper than what CBT could fix. Have you thought about long term therapy? Although that is probably the most difficult thing to stick with.

In terms of the simply learning what is the most acceptable thing to say/ behaviour I totally know what you mean. I have done that for quite a while and it works but you loose yourself along the way really. Not sure where to take things from here sometimes. Is this it? I still dont feel like I am me really, like I am living my life. Not really.

[moretimeleft]

It could be an increase in self-esteem. If you're interacting with others, you could just be more content with your situation. When that happens, the "deep" negative thinking goes away too because you don't feel as put off by society as you used to.