How to "dump" a therapist? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-10-2009, 07:56 PM Thread Starter
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How to "dump" a therapist?

Right now I am currently seeing a therapist that is not helping at all. He seems to downplay everything and I can't seem to be able to connect with him. He is also also a lot older than me and I have a hard time relating to him. I have tried to tell him about my problems, but he just doesn't seem like he thinks it's a big deal or just doesn't care. I have seem him for about 6 months now, and need to move on because it's not working. I almost feel worse than when I started seeing him.

Now comes the hard part. How do I tell him that I want to stop seeing him. I'm not good at that type of thing and worry what his reaction might be. I see him him every other week and think it's time I finally tell him. So what should I say? I know probably a lot of people on this site that may have been in the same situation and I could use some advice. Thanks.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-10-2009, 08:10 PM
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Just be truthful and say you don't want to see him because you don't think he is helping you. He isn't going to be angry and insult you (at least I hope not).
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-10-2009, 08:15 PM
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You don't. You just don't make another appointment. When I decided to stop seeing my therapist, I told her I'd call to make another appointment and I simply never called. Too bad, because I was physically attracted to her (and her secretary was way hot, too), but I felt like I got as much out of her as I could get. One thing about her that was good was she was very realistic. She called it like it was. She was a very outspoken woman.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 04:03 PM
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i just stopped going
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 05:03 PM
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I didn't like my therapist at all so I didn't make another appointment.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 05:41 PM
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I had to do this once, and I was really nervous about it. I decided to just call her up when I knew she wouldn't answer and leave a message telling her I wanted to end my therapy with her.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-24-2009, 08:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguy87 View Post
Right now I am currently seeing a therapist that is not helping at all. He seems to downplay everything and I can't seem to be able to connect with him. He is also also a lot older than me and I have a hard time relating to him. I have tried to tell him about my problems, but he just doesn't seem like he thinks it's a big deal or just doesn't care. I have seem him for about 6 months now, and need to move on because it's not working. I almost feel worse than when I started seeing him.

Now comes the hard part. How do I tell him that I want to stop seeing him. I'm not good at that type of thing and worry what his reaction might be. I see him him every other week and think it's time I finally tell him. So what should I say? I know probably a lot of people on this site that may have been in the same situation and I could use some advice. Thanks.
You're describing my former therapist to a T. I think it made my anxiety and depression worse. I just stopped going all though sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had told him what I thought.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2009, 02:56 PM
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I just left, never went again without saying anything. Which can be a bad thing if they try to make you come back, but I ignored everything (letters, phone etc) and time went on and everything was ok.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2009, 03:32 PM
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Either don't make another appointment or cancel an appointment you made and tell them some excuse like you can't afford it anymore...

"And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence."

- Bertrand Russell
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2009, 08:44 PM
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I simply didn't show up for my last appointment and never called to schedule another one. This wasn't the brightest idea though because my psychiatrist, who I still see, is in the same office. Whenever I go to see him I'm afraid I'll see the therapist. I did see him a couple times and very uncomfortably tried to hide my face in shame.



The last time I went to see my psychiatrist, just as he was calling me in, the therapist was calling another person in. The therapist and I looked at each other for a brief moment and I practically bolted into the psychiatrist's office.

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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-25-2009, 10:37 PM
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I think therapists are used to getting fired by their patients and don't take it personally. I had a therapist that was a really wonderful lady, and she told me in our first session that if I found she wasn't the right kind of therapist for me, I should contact the medical group to try someone else. Like any other professional relationship, you should remember you are basically the "customer", so if you are not getting what you need from the service being provided, it's time to move on. You can either just stop going (make sure to cancel your appointments though), or else send a message (written or voicemail) stating that you feel you need to try something different. Any therapist worth their degrees and training will encourage that, not be offended by it.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-30-2009, 11:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Solitario View Post
You don't. You just don't make another appointment. When I decided to stop seeing my therapist, I told her I'd call to make another appointment and I simply never called. Too bad, because I was physically attracted to her (and her secretary was way hot, too), but I felt like I got as much out of her as I could get. One thing about her that was good was she was very realistic. She called it like it was. She was a very outspoken woman.
Don't make appointment ahead. Say I'll call because I have to check my schedule and just never call.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-30-2009, 12:04 PM
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Yah, there are a few approaches you can take as other people have suggested
- Just not make another appointment
- Make up an excuse
- Be honest

The last one is certainly the hardest, but when I did it for one therapist I was seeing it felt really good.

I just told them:
"Thanks for your help, but I feel like trying to find another therapist that I'm more comfortable with so I'm not going to be making another appointment to see you."
He actually thanked me and wished me luck in finding a new therapist that worked for me.

I imagine any therapist who's been around for a while has heard everything.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 01-30-2009, 12:34 PM
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Wow! I'm surprised by how many SAers here have actually just stopped going without telling their therapists that they no longer wanted their services (mind you, I don't blame them). For me, I thought it wasn't an option; I had to tell two therapists that I no longer wanted therapy.

I would recommend to confront your therapist and tell him that you no longer want to attend therapy with them. As some of the posters have said, he is a professional so he should be used to it. It is very unlikely that he'll take it personally. Plus, by approaching him with your decision, he may refer you to another therapist, if you're still interested in receiving therapy that is. You never know, but that other therapist may turn out alright.
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-08-2009, 06:42 PM
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I told my therapist that I wasn't going for myself, I was only going because my mother made me. Well she decided it wasn't a good idea to continue.

Another therapist, I convinced her I was cured and no longer needed therapy.
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-14-2009, 12:19 PM
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I am in a position right now where I want to "dump" my therapist. But I don't have the guts to do it. I've been seeing her for 3 yrs and I've wanted to quit for months. I really can't stand her. It's beyond "not working". She's unprofessional, isn't helping me with my SA, (and I also have PTSD), she has lied to me, and recently is pushing very, very hard for me to go on an antipsychotic. But I'm not psychotic! I have ANXIETY!! I don't trust her judgment at all. It really sucks.

Well, my advice is: Get out now...while it's still at the beginning and it's easier to leave...How? Any of the posts above have good suggestions...Just take care of yourself and find another therapist if you want...Don't worry about hurting their feelings--You don't owe them anything...Trust your gut reaction and your own judgement...You are the one who knows what is best for you...Good luck!

Now if only I could take my own advice....
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-19-2009, 06:14 PM
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Wow I find it amazing that people will shell out major $$$ for something that they don't find helpful! You owe a therapist nothing. They are being paid to provide a service to you, and if they are not performing the service to your satisfaction you are totally entitled to move on. I think its good to tell them why though, if they are doing something wrong they need to fix it for their future patients. If it is just a personality issue then you can just say that the fit isn't right. They will definitely understand
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-24-2009, 03:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pam View Post
I am in a position right now where I want to "dump" my therapist. But I don't have the guts to do it. I've been seeing her for 3 yrs and I've wanted to quit for months. I really can't stand her. It's beyond "not working". She's unprofessional, isn't helping me with my SA, (and I also have PTSD), she has lied to me, and recently is pushing very, very hard for me to go on an antipsychotic. But I'm not psychotic! I have ANXIETY!! I don't trust her judgment at all. It really sucks.

Well, my advice is: Get out now...while it's still at the beginning and it's easier to leave...How? Any of the posts above have good suggestions...Just take care of yourself and find another therapist if you want...Don't worry about hurting their feelings--You don't owe them anything...Trust your gut reaction and your own judgement...You are the one who knows what is best for you...Good luck!

Now if only I could take my own advice....
Update: I took my own advice and dumped my therapist! Yeaaa! Yesterday I called and cancelled all my appointments. Even tho my heart was pounding and I was very nervous, it felt good cuz I know it's the best thing for me.
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