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Talking to your boss

107 views 0 replies 1 participant last post by  insanechub 
#1 ·
Of all the people I have trouble talking to, my boss has got to be the worst. Bosses in general, or anybody in a position of authority.

I can usually hang with him for about 30 seconds before things start to go dark, my mind swims, my vision narrows, my face gets hot, I sweat, my hands shake, and I stammer. I struggle to understand what is being said, and I don't know how to answer even if I think I might understand. I know that sometimes (probably most times) I stop making sense. At this point I usually get an odd look and it ends there. If it's work related, they've learned to pull me aside and take their time with me. I've been there for 10 years so they have pretty much figured out how to handle my freakiness, but they still try to push my boundaries from time to time. The worst is when they are just being social. At least with work issues I have a goal to focus on, a concrete task or common goal. Socially, I become a babbling freakish idiot.

I'm like this with most people, but it's a matter of degrees. People I look up to, authority figures, most straight guys, strangers, and people who i feel may look up to me for whatever reason all evoke a much higher social anxiety response from me. It can mean the difference between an anxiety response and panic.

I hate being like this, and I hate that every day I am reminded that I am not like other people, that there is this thing wrong with me and that I haven't been able to fix it.
 
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