how to resolve conflict

[justpassinby]

counseling


CONFLICT-STRIFE
(Strife, contention, conflict)

I. Characteristics of a person who causes conflicts.

1. An angry (hot tempered) person. Proverbs 10:12, 15:18, 29:22
2. An agressive person. Proverbs 16:28
3. A gossip. Proverbs 26:20
4. A proud person. Proverbs 13:10, 28:25
5. A foolish person. Proverbs 18:6, 20:3
6. A scoffer. Proverbs 22:10
7. A person who drinks alcohol. Proverbs 23:29
8. A person who practices wickedness. Proverbs 17:19

II. Biblical examples of conflict.

1. Abraham and Lot's herdmen. Genesis 13:6-7
2. Laban and Jacob. Genesis 31:36
3. Disciples. Matthew 9:34; Luke 22:24
4. Paul and Barnabas. Acts 15:38-39
5. Corinthians. I Corinthians 3:1-3, 6:1-7

III. Conflict illustrated in Scripture.

1. Living with conflict is like living with the sound of a dripping faucet. Proverbs 19:13, 27:15
2. To restrain conflict is like restraining wind or like holding oil in your hand. Proverbs 27:15-16
3. Conflict can be as real and strong as bars on a castle wall. Proverbs 18:19
4. Talking to a contentious person about a conflict is like having them add wood and coal to a small fire. Proverbs 26:21
5. Trying to stop conflict is like trying to hold back a dam of water. Proverbs 17:14
6. A person who encourages conflict is like one who takes a dog by the ears. Proverbs 26:17

IV. What warnings are given regarding conflicts?

1. Do not destroy others because of conflicts between you. Galatians 5:15
2. Do not make conflicts that do not exist. Proverbs 3:30
3. Do not force another person. Proverbs 30:33
4. Do not marry a contentious person. Proverbs 21:19, 25:24, 27:15

V. What are the consequences of unresolved conflicts?

1. Walls are built between people. Proverbs 18:19
2. Others will be destroyed. Galatians 5:10
3. Confusion and sinful actions will result. James 3:16

VI. What can a person do to resolve conflicts?

1. Be slow to get angry. Proverbs 15:18
2. Do not get involved in anothers conflicts. Proverbs 26:17
3. Do not force another person. Proverbs 30:33
4. Abandon a quarrel before it develops. Proverbs 17:14
5. Avoid conflict whenever possible. Titus 3:9
6. View others as being above you. Philippians 2:3
7. Resolve differences by giving others the advantage. Genesis 13:8
8. Appeal to the person who has the conflict with you. Matthew 18:15-17

VII. What am I to replace conflict with?

1. Love. Proverbs 10:12
2. Wisdom. Proverbs 13:10
3. Walk honestly. Romans 13:13
4. Peace. Romans 14:19
5. Build others up. Romans 14:19
6. Humility. Philippians 2:3; II Timothy 2:24-25
7. Gentleness. II Timothy 2:24

(Explanation to the counselor)

I. What are the characteristics of a person who will cause conflicts?

The Bible gives eight characteristics of a person who will experience additional conflicts in his life. A counselor can use these characteristics to help the counselee see why he is experiencing conflicts. A person who is angry or has a temper; an aggressive person because he is not sympathetic to the needs of others; a person who gossips; a proud person, because of his attitude; a foolish person, because of his failure to listen to advice; a scoffer, because he does not respect the counsel God and others provide; a person who drinks alcohol, because he will not be able to control his selfish heart, and a person who practices wickedness will have conflicts.

II. Examples of conflict in Scripture.

The Bible gives many examples of those who experienced conflicts. These illustrations can be used to describe why conflict is not necessary and how to resolve it in one’s personal relationships.

III. How are conflicts illustrated in Scripture?

God uses many practical illustrations to describe conflict. Living with a wife, who is causing constant conflict, is like listening to a dripping faucet; if a person seeks to restrain conflict, it is like trying to restrain the wind or like holding oil in your hand; conflict is very difficult to correct; some conflict is as strong as the bars of a castle wall; seeking to stop conflict is like trying to hold back a dam of water; and a person who encourages conflict is compared to a person who takes a dog by the ears--he is sure to get a reaction and will later wish he never got involved.

IV. What warnings are given regarding conflicts?

There are many warnings given to us regarding conflicts. We are warned not to destroy others or our relationship with the conflicts we have with them. We are warned not to create conflicts that do not actually exist. Many times, a small conflict develops into a series of conflicts because the person does not want to resolve them. Never put pressure on another person, they will resent you and it will develop into a conflict. The final warning is not to marry a person who causes conflicts continually. It will cause much regret.

(Explanation to the counselor)

V. What are the consequences if conflicts are not resolved?

Conflicts, if they are not resolved, will build walls between people. These walls will cause a person to sense a distance between them and the person with whom they had the conflict. Conflict will also destroy the other person’s self image. Many times, conflict will lead to confusion and other sinful activities. The counselor can use these to motivate the counselee to correct the conflicts he is experiencing.

VI. What can a person do to resolve conflicts?

In order to resolve conflicts, a person must be careful not to respond in anger toward the conflicts he is experiencing. Make a commitment to not become involved in other peoples conflicts. Never force another person or it may develop into a conflict between you and them. It is better to abandon a fight than to force it and develop a conflict over it. In order to keep the respect of others, the Bible encourages us to view ourselves as being lower than others. This humble attitude will guard against the pride that leads to conflict. Abraham illustrates the value of giving the other person the advantange when he gave Lot, his nephew, the first choice of the land he desired. We can resolve many differences if we are willing to give others the advantage. The immediate loss, far outweighs the loss of years of conflict. Jesus encouraged us to appeal to those with whom we have conflicts.

VII. What am I to replace conflict with?

The Bible encourages us to develop seven qualities in our lives to replace a wrong attitude that would develop into conflicts with others. Each of these are given in the context of passages dealing with conflict. We are encouraged to love others. Wisdom, if developed in our lives will help us to respond properly. We are to walk honestly before others. Deception causes many conflicts. Our desire should be to live peaceably with others. If we build others up, we will seldom have any conflicts with them, instead we will build close relationships of trust with them. Sinc,e pride causes many conflicts, humility must be developed to give us a correct attitude. A gentle spirit is a quality we need to develop to overcome conflict. Encourage the counselee to pray daily and keep a record of his progress in developing these qualities in his life.

[millenniumman75]

W00t! Nice post.

My service today was taken from Romans 12. Awesome stuff and there was conflict covered - burning coals.

Basically, if somebody does you wrong, kill 'em with kindness - it'll freak them out!

[justpassinby]

Thats right ,what made me think of posting this was watching Charles Stanley this morning. He said if someone is really giving you a hard time, pointing out your faults and putting you down, just sit there and listen. Then when they're through with their tirade, just tell them "thank you for pointing that out, anything else you think I should change about myself?" It completely disarms them.

[Anxiety75]

Romans 12:21-'Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil but keep conquering the evil with the good.'

That was the theme of our special 2 day program this past weekend.

This one is good I may have missed it: Matthew5:23, 24: "If then you are bringing your gift to the alter and you there remember that your brother has something against you..leave your gift there in front of the alter, and go away; first make your peace with your brother, and then when you have come back, offer up your gift."

Need to make amends with our brother then offer to God.

[screwjack]

Matthew 18:22 - Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.