Social Anxiety Support

Peter Attis · 10-12-2009, 10:49 PM

I was thinking about this girl back in high school that caught my eye. She was fairly attractive, and she seemed to be a lot like me in the sense that she seemed pretty quiet in class, she seemed like she liked to do her own thing and not really socialize with the rest of the students and stuff. Naturally, I never talked to her or anything, but I don't really regret that because even if I DID, I doubt we'd have had that much in common.

So that leads me to my question...

Would you rather date someone who liked the same things as you and had similar interests and hobbies (or was at least open to them), but didn't have SA (or any other social disorder) and was in fact a very social person, OR would you rather date someone who had SA (or any other social disorder), but wasn't really into your hobbies or interests?

Because usually, you can't have both.

I think this is gonna be one to think about because, while most of us have some sort of social issues, that's not your entire life. You have other things going on besides that.

nightrain · 10-12-2009, 11:01 PM

You can have both!

I wouldn't want to choose.

scooby · 10-12-2009, 11:34 PM

Similar interests for sure.

Iced Soul · 10-12-2009, 11:40 PM

You can definitely have both, but if I had to choose, I guess I'd rather have someone with similar interests.

FlickeringHope · 10-13-2009, 12:57 AM

Similar interests.

No matter what, though, whoever I'm with will need to be able to understand my problems to a certain degree and be able to be okay with it to an extent. I don't want anyone who will criticize me for being the way that I am.

A good thing about being with someone without SA, is that it may 'even things out'...and may bring me out of my shell a bit more.

A part of me wonders if dating a person with SA would wind up a disaster. What if our anxieties fed off of one another? What if we both get so low we can't function properly? Oh my...

But that's different territory, I guess. Long-term, though, having shared interests will be very important.

Jaiyyson · 10-13-2009, 02:11 AM

Dating somebody solely on the basis of having the same condition is no precedent on which to base all of your dating experiences.

I've been in a relationship where we could relate to one another in some areas because of SA but on the other edge of the sword we were chalk and cheese in terms of what our interests were and overall aim in life was. I could not relate to her and she could not relate to me in this regard and so hence it was doomed for failure.

I have no regrets however, I take the good memories and experiences in life along with me. It's just another lesson for the next time. With that said, I would prefer somebody with both, but if not just similar interests (although bearing in mind the significant other would have to be understanding and compassionate about who I am as a person as well as my social anxiety)..

namastecadet · 10-13-2009, 09:01 AM

when you date someone where the only thing you have in common is social anxiety basically all that other person is going to do is keep you company. in the short term that might be all fine and dandy, but in the long term it becomes annoying. i was in a relationship like that before & its not fun to have someone following you everywhere or feeling like your draging someone. i would rather be in a relationship with someone who enjoys similar activities to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaiyyson

somebody with both, but if not just similar interests (although bearing in mind the significant other would have to be understanding and compassionate about who I am as a person as well as my social anxiety)..

nicely put.

Logan X · 10-13-2009, 09:23 AM

Someone with SA

kenny87 · 10-13-2009, 09:35 AM

damn, thats really hard, similar interest would be nice but if she was totally outgoing it may be bad. On the other hand my interest only take up 20-30% of my life while the other 70-80% is flexible to a degree depending on who I am with and where I am at, ect. so I could probably learn to like someone who isn't like me.

TheDaffodil · 10-13-2009, 10:00 AM

If I had to choose...I don't know! I never think about those things when I get to know someone. I don't really care why I have chemistry with someone as long as it's there. I never choose. It just happens.

toffee · 10-13-2009, 10:08 AM

I always tend to fall for loud, locaqious people who i will never have a chance with... the type that don't even notice that you are there, it would be good to meet someone with SA though, then we would understand each others feelings

Breakfast0fChampions · 10-13-2009, 11:31 AM

I would want both. Or at least a non-SA guy with empathy for what I've been through and similar interests.

somethinginthewind · 10-13-2009, 01:34 PM

BOTH.

Oh uh... you wanted a choice lol? Similar interests. But it'd be boring if you liked all the same things though, gotta have some spice.

Rixy · 10-13-2009, 02:19 PM

If you were in a relationship with someone who had similar interests then he/she might encourage you to be more outgoing. If you were to date someone with SA then you might just stay indoors at all times. I guess that's not a bad thing but I think it's better if your partner tries to help you with your problem

Thurston Lowe · 10-13-2009, 09:09 PM

Similar interests, definitely. I certainly wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone primarily on the basis that we shared a mental condition. SA is part of such a broad spectrum that there's every chance that two SA people wouldn't fully share or understand each other's fears and idiosyncrasies. Alas, my interests are mainly very nerdy and - SA aside - I'm a very solitary person who 'needs his space', so I don't hold out a great deal of hope that I'll ever encounter and/or fall in love with a like-minded person.

JFmtl · 10-14-2009, 10:10 AM

Definitely someone with who I share interest and hobbies. I don't see the point of dating a girl with who the only thing i would have in common is SA.

anonymid · 10-14-2009, 10:36 AM

Shared interests, without a doubt. Dating someone with whom I had nothing in common other than SA would be pretty awkward and uncomfortable, I imagine. It would be much easier for me to develop a rapport with someone with whom I had common interests, tastes, hobbies, etc.

liarsclub · 10-14-2009, 10:40 AM

I like SAers a lot, but it's also kind of nifty to be with someone who can handle things socially, since I really can't. So I'll say common interests.

its_a_rick · 10-14-2009, 10:46 AM

Shared interests, then both have something to talk about and one one isn't socially anxious so that person can kind of keep it going orso.
Two socially anxious people without anything in common would be akward lol.

Anyway, I guess a combination of the two would work too.

Syrena · 10-14-2009, 02:18 PM

Personally, I think I need someone that doesn't have SA, otherwise we might just hide in the house forever. Besides, who's going to order my food and stuff? *halo*

I do want someone who is a bit more reserved though, someone who doesn't feel the need to party all the time.

View Poll Results: Someone who shared your interests or someone with SA?
Similar interests	53	80.30%
SA	13	19.70%
Voters: 66. You may not vote on this poll

10-12-2009, 10:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
Peter Attis Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 134	Would you rather date someone with similar interests as you, or someone with SA? I was thinking about this girl back in high school that caught my eye. She was fairly attractive, and she seemed to be a lot like me in the sense that she seemed pretty quiet in class, she seemed like she liked to do her own thing and not really socialize with the rest of the students and stuff. Naturally, I never talked to her or anything, but I don't really regret that because even if I DID, I doubt we'd have had that much in common. So that leads me to my question... Would you rather date someone who liked the same things as you and had similar interests and hobbies (or was at least open to them), but didn't have SA (or any other social disorder) and was in fact a very social person, OR would you rather date someone who had SA (or any other social disorder), but wasn't really into your hobbies or interests? Because usually, you can't have both. I think this is gonna be one to think about because, while most of us have some sort of social issues, that's not your entire life. You have other things going on besides that.

10-12-2009, 11:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Iced Soul Status: Dancing on Rainbows Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Calilalaland Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 1,775	You can definitely have both, but if I had to choose, I guess I'd rather have someone with similar interests. __________________ I scraped my knees while I was praying And found a demon in my safest haven. Seems like, it's getting harder to believe in anything Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts. I wanna know what it'd be like To find perfection in my pride To see nothing in the light Just turn it off In all my spite, in all my spite, I'll turn it off. - Turn It Off - Paramore http://twitter.com/MissEerie

10-13-2009, 02:11 AM	#6 (permalink)
Jaiyyson Status: Davids disarm Goliaths Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 872	Dating somebody solely on the basis of having the same condition is no precedent on which to base all of your dating experiences. I've been in a relationship where we could relate to one another in some areas because of SA but on the other edge of the sword we were chalk and cheese in terms of what our interests were and overall aim in life was. I could not relate to her and she could not relate to me in this regard and so hence it was doomed for failure. I have no regrets however, I take the good memories and experiences in life along with me. It's just another lesson for the next time. With that said, I would prefer somebody with both, but if not just similar interests (although bearing in mind the significant other would have to be understanding and compassionate about who I am as a person as well as my social anxiety).. __________________ "Don't walk in front of me, and don't walk behind me. If you are to walk with me, walk beside me or nothing at all."

10-13-2009, 09:23 AM	#8 (permalink)
Logan X Status: I'm dead inside Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: LaSalle, QC Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 5,275	Someone with SA __________________ It ain't the fall that gets you. It's the sudden stop at the bottom.

10-12-2009, 11:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
nightrain Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: NC Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 825	You can have both! I wouldn't want to choose.

10-12-2009, 11:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
scooby Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 116	Similar interests for sure.

10-13-2009, 12:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
FlickeringHope Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: U.S. Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 20	Similar interests. No matter what, though, whoever I'm with will need to be able to understand my problems to a certain degree and be able to be okay with it to an extent. I don't want anyone who will criticize me for being the way that I am. A good thing about being with someone without SA, is that it may 'even things out'...and may bring me out of my shell a bit more. A part of me wonders if dating a person with SA would wind up a disaster. What if our anxieties fed off of one another? What if we both get so low we can't function properly? Oh my... But that's different territory, I guess. Long-term, though, having shared interests will be very important.

10-13-2009, 09:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
kenny87 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Louisville, Kentucky Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 625	damn, thats really hard, similar interest would be nice but if she was totally outgoing it may be bad. On the other hand my interest only take up 20-30% of my life while the other 70-80% is flexible to a degree depending on who I am with and where I am at, ect. so I could probably learn to like someone who isn't like me.

10-13-2009, 10:00 AM	#10 (permalink)
TheDaffodil Status: Antsy. Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Maryland Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 1,166	If I had to choose...I don't know! I never think about those things when I get to know someone. I don't really care why I have chemistry with someone as long as it's there. I never choose. It just happens. __________________ "Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt." - William Shakespeare NotForSaleCampaign.org \| StopTheTraffik.org \| SlaveryMap.org

10-13-2009, 10:08 AM	#11 (permalink)
toffee Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 17 Posts: 181	I always tend to fall for loud, locaqious people who i will never have a chance with... the type that don't even notice that you are there, it would be good to meet someone with SA though, then we would understand each others feelings

10-13-2009, 11:31 AM	#12 (permalink)
Breakfast0fChampions Status: Resist. Unlearn. Defy. Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In My Tree Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 674	I would want both. Or at least a non-SA guy with empathy for what I've been through and similar interests. __________________ I'mma do the things that I wanna do I ain't got a thing to prove to you - Weezer, Pork and Beans Had my eyes peeled both wide open, and I got a glimpse Of my innocence... got back my inner sense... Baby got it, still got it - Pearl Jam, In My Tree Facebook - SuperBetter! A multi-player way to beat SA - Writerly

10-13-2009, 01:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
somethinginthewind Status: Spun Undone Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: K-W, Ontario Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 513	BOTH. Oh uh... you wanted a choice lol? Similar interests. But it'd be boring if you liked all the same things though, gotta have some spice. __________________ I'm a hopeless romantic & kicking the habit But all hearts have darts.

10-13-2009, 02:19 PM	#14 (permalink)
Rixy Status: Falling into Guru Muhk Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 17 Posts: 220	If you were in a relationship with someone who had similar interests then he/she might encourage you to be more outgoing. If you were to date someone with SA then you might just stay indoors at all times. I guess that's not a bad thing but I think it's better if your partner tries to help you with your problem

10-13-2009, 09:09 PM	#15 (permalink)
Thurston Lowe Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Ireland Gender: Male Posts: 16	Similar interests, definitely. I certainly wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone primarily on the basis that we shared a mental condition. SA is part of such a broad spectrum that there's every chance that two SA people wouldn't fully share or understand each other's fears and idiosyncrasies. Alas, my interests are mainly very nerdy and - SA aside - I'm a very solitary person who 'needs his space', so I don't hold out a great deal of hope that I'll ever encounter and/or fall in love with a like-minded person. __________________ When you naked, so shiver in the drizzle. Look at clothes by your feet, and think, "oh, yes. Warm." Then eat them by mistake. When you dream be dream, but only of a gloomy lobtoast... And when your west no longer be west of your east, but above it, and mock you like Bad Candle Jack. Ho har, you dim muddlebum. And your north and south be be altogether gone, or loony. Then oo welcome. Ah, oo mug welcome, in Jam...

10-14-2009, 10:10 AM	#16 (permalink)
JFmtl Status: schtroumpf grognon Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Montréal Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 1,097	Definitely someone with who I share interest and hobbies. I don't see the point of dating a girl with who the only thing i would have in common is SA. __________________ Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything’s a sin. [holds up a Bible] Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.

10-14-2009, 10:36 AM	#17 (permalink)
anonymid Status: gulping for shape Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Chicagoland Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 2,077	Shared interests, without a doubt. Dating someone with whom I had nothing in common other than SA would be pretty awkward and uncomfortable, I imagine. It would be much easier for me to develop a rapport with someone with whom I had common interests, tastes, hobbies, etc. __________________ "He who has not the courage to suffer either death or life, who will neither resist nor flee, what can we do with him?" - Montaigne

10-14-2009, 10:40 AM	#18 (permalink)
liarsclub Status: take it from me.. Join Date: Aug 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 740	I like SAers a lot, but it's also kind of nifty to be with someone who can handle things socially, since I really can't. So I'll say common interests. __________________ Farewell my black balloon, let the weather have its way with you

10-14-2009, 10:46 AM	#19 (permalink)
its_a_rick Status: So tired... Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Netherlands Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 212	Shared interests, then both have something to talk about and one one isn't socially anxious so that person can kind of keep it going orso. Two socially anxious people without anything in common would be akward lol. Anyway, I guess a combination of the two would work too. __________________ Yummy... boredom.

10-14-2009, 02:18 PM	#20 (permalink)
Syrena Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Northern Illinois Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 265	Personally, I think I need someone that doesn't have SA, otherwise we might just hide in the house forever. Besides, who's going to order my food and stuff? halo I do want someone who is a bit more reserved though, someone who doesn't feel the need to party all the time.