Is it ok to ask out a total stranger? - Social Anxiety Forum
View Poll Results: Is it ok to ask out a total stranger (see post)?
Yes, its normal and acceptable to ask out a total stranger 30 57.69%
No, you should only ask out people you know/see on a weekly basis 22 42.31%
Voters: 52. You may not vote on this poll

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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 05:03 PM Thread Starter
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Question Is it ok to ask out a total stranger?

Lets say I'm at the grocery store and I see a woman that I'm interested in. Would it be ok if I asked for her number? Here is how it would go:

Me: Hey, how you doin'?
Girl: Good
Me: I just wanted to say that you're pretty.
Girl Thanks
Me: I'm mbp86 btw.
Girl: I'm ____ (whatever, who cares)
Me: Can I get your number?
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 05:57 PM
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I think there'd have to be more conversation, but sure, i guess... pick up artists manage it somehow?
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 05:59 PM
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IMO, you can strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger. However, I would not ask a gal out unless I sense some connection is formed--e.g. you get into a long talk and have things in common. Just asking her for her number with nothing prior between you could spook her. Remember that some women have problems with stalkers. You want her to have some indication that you are nice and normal.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mbp86 View Post
Girl: I'm ____ (whatever, who cares)
Haha =D
Sorry, I found that hilarious. Nice to see genuine interest.
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 10:00 PM
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Well, personally- I would never say; "yeah, sure! Let's go out" if a complete stranger were to ask me out.
There's so much that could go wrong in going on a date with someone whom you know nothing about... you don't have friends who know this person-- there's no relation to anything... I just see danger there.
This stranger could be a total jackass or a serial killer... There's a possibility he may be a perfect gentleman too but it's too much of a chance to me. No thanks.


I think in general it's accepted to ask out a stranger. If there's some sort of spark there and you both seem to like the first impressions-- then go for it. All the power to you!

"~Though I've thought about eternity and how the world works- I'm not trying to get it... Just trying to live my life.
Out of the thousands and the millions of the others out there- I want to see what it's like; to be paper airplanes in the sky~"
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 10:26 PM Thread Starter
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Wtf no one here believes in love at first sight? I'm raging right now.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 10:29 PM
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If she likes you, it's hot.
If she's neutral, it's fine.
If she's not interested at all, it's creepy.
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-28-2010, 11:56 PM
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Of course it's OK.

But your example conversation isn't going to win you many dates.

"Hi, you're pretty, can I have your number?" doesn't really show your personality, and that's what a girl will usually want to see before she considers going out with you.

Break the ice by commenting or asking her about something in your surroundings and go from there. In your example at the grocery store... if she's looking over, uhhh, hamburgers... You could say something as simple as "planning a BBQ?" ...or ask her what type she'd recommend to buy. Even better if the icebreaker's humorous (show your sense of humour at some point)... And as mentioned above, see if you can find some kind of common ground with her.

If you're out and don't have the nerve to dive right in, warm up your social skills first by chatting up a few elderly women (or some other non-intimidating group) before moving on to girls your age.

Everyone suffers...
Give the other person the benefit of the doubt...
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 12:07 AM Thread Starter
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This is so hard lol
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 12:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mbp86 View Post
This is so hard lol
Well it sounds stupidly convoluted when it's analyzed, but it's really pretty simple. It's just a matter of talking in a relaxed, natural, confident (oh there's that word) manner.

Unfortunately for people like you and me and all of us here, it doesn't come by all that easily.

Everyone suffers...
Give the other person the benefit of the doubt...
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 12:36 AM
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I think if you're going to use that pretty line you should do it in a more smooth nonchalant manner. Saying it like you did in your conversation just seems kind of awkward to me.
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 12:38 AM
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Sure, why not? I don't see a problem with it. I don't know how I would react if it happened to me, but I wouldn't fault a guy I didn't know for just asking.

- I'mma be the syrup she can be my waffle.
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 02:47 AM
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People do it all the time. Pizza delivery guy showed up at my friends house once and kinda looked at her and said she was cute and asked if he could have her number. I think something similar happened at a drive through. So, yeah...
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 03:53 AM Thread Starter
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I suppose its all in the delivery.
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 07:51 AM
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I'd never do it personally, and there's no way I'd go out with someone if asked out like that, but it's normal and fine so go ahead if you like.

"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." - Søren Kierkegaard
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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 09:00 AM
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I know it's hard to be in more social environments like parties and bars, but that's where most single women want to get hit on, where your chances may be higher. At places like the grocery store and public transportation, chances of success are really low and of them thinking you're a creep high.
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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 09:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mbp86 View Post
I suppose its all in the delivery.
*drum* Badumbum lol
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 10:02 AM
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I don't like how people go up to other people BECAUSE they want to ask them out...it just seems rude to me. Like, dating is your first intention. It's just yuck.

If you are friends and actually show interest in the person, THEN ask them, it makes much more sense.

I mean think about it, someone comes up to you, their judgement based purely on looks, and asks you out when they don't even know you yet---Weird? I think so.

And for me personally, with SA, i find it to be more safe to ask out someone you already know well, and can tell if you'll have some chemistry!

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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-29-2010, 10:46 AM
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If you're charming enough anything is possible.

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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-30-2010, 09:25 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
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If you are friends and actually show interest in the person, THEN ask them, it makes much more sense.
In the male community (I guess), we often hear that you need to show interest right away. If you take too long by waiting to be friends the lady you like will most likely just want you as a friend.

Example:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Male on SAS Forum
All this "get to know her as friends first" stuff is FALSE!

You get to know her by hanging out with her and making your romantic interest known from the get-go. It might be insanely difficult for an SAer, but it IS the best thing you can do for yourself -- signal your interest as soon as you realize you're attracted to her. Flirt with her, gauge HER interest, get her number, ask her to hang out, do something together, flirt with her some more, and escalate from there. How fast things can progress depends on the girl.

The shyest of girls will tell you they need to get to know a guy and be comfortable with him before anything happens. (They might even say "I have to be friends with a guy first.") This does NOT mean "get to know her as a friend and pretend there's no romantic interest there." You don't want to scare her away, and you might have to wait a while before she'll even go out on a date with you, but you shouldn't be completely hiding your interest, either.

A friendship CAN turn into a relationship (seen it first hand!), but those cases are the exceptions. You're going to have a higher success rate by diving right in vs. hanging around as her "friend" (where you could be waiting a very, very long time for something that probably won't even happen).
In my opinion, approaching a stranger and asking her out makes it look like the man is viewing the woman as an object. Instead of getting to know a person, he just wants to have sex with somebody. Thats normal because most of us are horny (especially those who aren't having sex). My difficulty is building rapport with a person because my conversational skills suck.

For example:

I see a girl wearing a Phil Collins t-shirt

Me: Hey, you like Phil Collins?
Girl: Yeah
Me: Me too, I really like his song "Easy Lover." What is your favorite song of his?
Girl: Land of Confusion (Its by Genesis but whatever I can't think of another Phil Collins song)
Me: Thats cool, I like that song.
Girl: Yeah...
*Me trying to think of something else to say, mind is blank*
Me: Well, cya (Leaving cause I can't think of anything else to say and I don't want to just stand there and look at her for fear of being a "creep")
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