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Old 04-22-2009, 04:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default "You just make things harder than they have to be."

Yep, it's the ole "you've got the magic switch to change" line I've heard time and time again. I heard it again today. Yes, I make things harder on myself than they have to be. Yes yes yes, I agree. So.....................................? I make things harder on myself, and I could start making them easier if I just......................................?

If anyone can effectively fill in the .............................?'s for me I'll write them a check for $10,000.

If there are magic words, magic actions that I can perform that will automatically erase the nervousness and make me believe I am worth something, and somebody knows what they are, I'll give them 10 grand.

Maybe there's a spell that I have to cast on a crack in the wall or perhaps I just need to tap myself on the side of my head with a wooden action figure. Who knows? I sure as hell don't.
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Old 04-22-2009, 06:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I think it comes down to realizing that our thoughts aren't rational. The things that we worry about that make us tense aren't that big of a deal. But it's one thing to think your thoughts are irrational and another to feel that your thoughts are irrational.

I can get rid of my irrational thoughts by just ....................? The ............. is still there, but keep narrowing it down and maybe you'll find something.

There is no easy answer. Going out and doing things you're not used to isn't easy. And for me, everyday that goes by it gets harder and harder to do those things.

Staying postive, not feeling sorry for yourself, and seeking out help are some of the first steps to get anyone going in the right direction. It's easy to sit around and believe that you can't get better, but without trying everyday you'll never know.

Asking what if and why me questions get you no where. Everyone has their demons to deal with. One of ours just happens to be SA.

This has obviously all been said before, and I don't even follow this advice as I give it better than receive it. But the bottom line is there is no magic cure. It's all up to you. And it will be hard and it will probably hurt, but the payoff will be a better, happier you.
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Old 04-22-2009, 06:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I don't think any ONE of these alone are necessarily effective, and some of these ideas are actually bad in some situations...

but if one of them works, please send me my ten grand, lol. Thanks.

Just.....................

don't think so much-------(I think this is a bad idea in some situations)
don't analyze so much
don't think negatively-----------(not too bad of an idea)
don't put restrictions on yourself
don't blame yourself for everything
don't let other people get under your skin
don't worry about failing
don't be such a perfectionist
be yourself
smile, laugh, and have a good time
let things happen naturally
calm down and breathe deeply
do it, as Nike says
let go of your worries
have fun
be in the moment
say whatever comes to mind
forget the past and focus on the present and future

Just a note: I agree with StevenGlansberg: there really is no magical solution and things are not so simple.
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Old 04-22-2009, 06:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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yeah @ alohomora.

basically, its a crock.
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Old 04-22-2009, 06:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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How is a person supposed to control what they think? These patterns of thought have been programmed by life events and experience. I am just not equipped to handle rejection the way normal people seem to be. They say, "Oh, get yourself out there. We all get turned down." Yeah, but I doubt they all go home and bury themselves 6 feet under when it happens. Getting rejected to me is so painful that I would do anything to avoid it. And so I do.
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Old 04-22-2009, 06:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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If there was a magic antidote for SA, there would probably be too for cancer, aids, and every illness known to man. What we have is an illness. There is no cure; the best thing we can do is treat it. The best thing you can do is stop dwelling on things
Thoughts you dwell on will dwell on you.
Making constant thinking stop, while having SA, is a challenge; it's part of the illness, itself. I try to keep myself busy here at home as much as possible--anything that takes me away from: why can't I? What if? Why me?
Try meditating. Just close your door once a day, sit down, close your eyes and focus on breathing. Don't worry if thoughts come, or go. The thing is to clear your head. It takes time.I wish there was a better answer. I don't have one.
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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oh yeah 'be in the moment'. what a crock of ****
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:07 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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That focus on breathing part is something I really need to figure out how to do. I am having more trouble breathing it seems. At work when people gather around to marvel at my psychotic behavior, I become very short of breath and start coughing and gasping for air.

And now I'm just sitting here alone in front of the computer and I still am not having an easy time breathing. It's not as bad as when I'm in the spotlight at work, but it's not good. This constant aggravation takes a hell of a toll.
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by bear View Post
oh yeah 'be in the moment'. what a croc of ****
No doubt. What does that even mean? How can you not be in the moment? Can you be in a moment that's not the one you're in right now? It doesn't make sense.
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio Fatso View Post
No doubt. What does that even mean? How can you not be in the moment? Can you be in a moment that's not the one you're in right now? It doesn't make sense.
Actually, I find myself NOT in the moment quite frequently.

Someone will be talking to me and I'm not listening. I daydream quite frequently. I'll reflect constantly on something someone said 5 minutes ago and lose track of where the conversation is going at this moment.

Any time I lose concentration, focus on my anxiety instead of the things occurring in the external environment in that instance, I am not in the moment. If I stress about the future or relive past memories, I am not in the moment.

Note: I am referring to the traditional way in which people define this phrase...you could argue that focusing on your anxiety is being in the moment, but people usually use "in the moment" to mean that you're receptive to immediate, outside sensory information without inner conflict...if you can understand what I'm saying.
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by alohomora View Post
Actually, I find myself NOT in the moment quite frequently.

Someone will be talking to me and I'm not listening. I daydream quite frequently. I'll reflect constantly on something someone said 5 minutes ago and lose track of where the conversation is going at this moment.

Any time I lose concentration, focus on my anxiety instead of the things occurring in the external environment in that instance, I am not in the moment. If I stress about the future or relive past memories, I am not in the moment.

Note: I am referring to the traditional way in which people define this phrase...you could argue that focusing on your anxiety is being in the moment, but people usually use "in the moment" to mean that you're receptive to immediate, outside sensory information without inner conflict...if you can understand what I'm saying.
The thing is, I say this to myself, 'be in the moment', sure...I want to, I don't like being off in la la land.. but I really have no control where my mind goes. and I don't think many people do. I think most people that say this kind of stuff don't really know what they're talking about.
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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If that's the way it is, I would think not being in the moment would be better. Those with the most happiness seem to be those who can fool themselves the best. That means they're ignoring the moment and creating their own fantasy world where it's all peaches and cream even if the walls are really (in the moment) caving in around them.
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Old 04-22-2009, 07:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio Fatso View Post
If that's the way it is, I would think not being in the moment would be better. Those with the most happiness seem to be those who can fool themselves the best. That means they're ignoring the moment and creating their own fantasy world where it's all peaches and cream even if the walls are really (in the moment) caving in around them.
Or you can be in a moment with lots of beautiful flowers and cute kittens but you ignore them because you're obsessing over some failure in the past.

(Unless you find flowers and kittens nauseating, in which case it's better not to be in the moment, lol)
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Old 02-09-2012, 07:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio Fatso View Post
Yep, it's the ole "you've got the magic switch to change" line I've heard time and time again. I heard it again today. Yes, I make things harder on myself than they have to be. Yes yes yes, I agree. So.....................................? I make things harder on myself, and I could start making them easier if I just......................................?
Live for yourself, they are failing you.
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