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Old 02-20-2011, 06:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Question Would you keep a "friend"who uses you?

I'm wondering if i should cut someone out of my life. Borrowing money and overall selfishness, calling me when she needs something, these are the reasons. I'm used to being alone anyway, and maybe i will find other people, maybe not. But is this a bad or good step for someone with SA?

Also should i do it in a way of slowly cutting off contact or should i be telling them exactly what i think of them. The telling them thing would make me feel great for a while, maybe worse later. Not sure. Maybe i'm thinking too much about this and i should just avoid her. Anyone ever been in such a situation ?(if you understood it at all lol)
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Old 02-20-2011, 07:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Sounds more like a liability than a friend.

Is there any camaraderie to your friendship, or is it purely resource based?
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Old 02-20-2011, 07:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I would, as pathetic as that sounds
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:13 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Keep the contact and keep it cool, and don't let them use you. It's easy when they ask you for something and you feel like you are being used just find a reason to not do it and most important keep it cool and smiling you don't wanna over react like you are using me and stuff like that just say I can't do it I gotta do this or that hope that helps
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:14 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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i had this sort of friend before who would emotionally black mail me if i didn't do things as he agreed. when you say it like that you wonder how you can put them 'friend' in the same sentence.

cutting my contact with this person was one of the best things i did. i hope your 'friend' is not as bad as mine was. then perhaps you can reason with them and actually object to some of the things they suggest without making you feel bad. try to reason with them and try to hold your ground. if you dont speak to them for a while, it's not the end of the world.

in fact it could be a positive as you're no longer being used and you know this person was no good for you. talking to some of the other people you know may help you realise they respect you a lot more than this other 'friend'
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Old 02-20-2011, 10:07 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I have a person in my life like that... uses me, manipulates me, takes me for granted, asks me for help and support, only really communicates with me when SHE wants to talk to me and not with me. Gives me false hope, broken promises and is very unreliable. I decided to end it last week and it did bring relief to me, as well as loneliness. We're talking again.. out of my error to which I plan to have a long discussion with her about and probably end it right then and there as it really isn't worth it. She's what I call an emotional vampire.

You could talk to them about how you feel, may be unaware of what they are doing but like someone else said if they don't seem to put in much effort then it be best to cut ties with them. What I do is just tell them to back off in the nicest way possible, even if I'd like to point out all of the things they did to me. As CompanionLess suggests...If they continue to contact you, answer them but only to say you have things you need to get done, etc. Say goodbye and move on, do that every time they try to get a hold of you. Should get the messege eventually.
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Old 02-20-2011, 10:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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have them killed......hire a hitman
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Old 02-20-2011, 11:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Depends how bad they are. Reminds me of my backstabbing friend that just used me, she also had really bad jealousy problems and was very unappreciative for whatever I did with her so I cut all ties with her when she just became to much to handle. I know everyone has their own problems but when a "friend" isn't giving their other end of the stick it's better to just let them go and know that it's their loss not yours.
Try talking to them if you know they can be reasoned with. In reality it's up to them to want to change to save the friendship so just know where you stand in this in case they don't.
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Old 02-20-2011, 11:38 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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No, I wouldn't keep a friend like that. I'd rather be completely friendless than have 'friends' who just use me when it's convenient.
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Old 02-20-2011, 11:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I had a friend just like that was always using me. So one day I just told her and I have not been bothered since. I would rather have no friends than friends like that.
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Old 02-20-2011, 12:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layitontheline View Post
No, I wouldn't keep a friend like that. I'd rather be completely friendless than have 'friends' who just use me when it's convenient.

Yup! I agree.
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Old 02-20-2011, 12:28 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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he wouldnt be your friend if he was useing you
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Old 02-20-2011, 12:30 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Only if I could get something I needed from them in return, but I probably wouldn't be able to keep that up for very long as I'd be disgusted just talking to them.
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Old 02-20-2011, 05:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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My first girlfriend was like this, eventually just had to drop her even if it meant being lonely. Its very difficult, but its a lot better than having a hurtful one sided friendship/relationship
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Old 02-20-2011, 05:58 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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i would say get rid of them or sort out the situation at least, stand up for yourself! In the long run it is better. Why are you keeping them ? just because there is no one else, its hard but you cant keep letting yourself be used like that.
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Old 02-20-2011, 06:06 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layitontheline View Post
No, I wouldn't keep a friend like that. I'd rather be completely friendless than have 'friends' who just use me when it's convenient.
I agree with this ^ Or tell them no to what they ask and stick to it. If they have a problem with that then it's probably clear what they're really around you for and aren't interested in a good friendship that doesn't involve you being used/taken advantage of.
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Old 02-20-2011, 07:23 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Most of my 'friends' are like that.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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It depends on if you're getting anything out of the friendship or not. Sometimes friendships like that can be mutually symbiotic. As in, they may use you at times, but they also have something to offer you in return.

What you need to do is examine the friendship objectively and see if what you are getting out of it is equal to what you are giving. If it's one-sided, then I would advise you to cut her out of your life, because at that point it's not really a friendship at all. I don't think people with SA should settle for less than great friends just b/c it's a bit harder for us to make them. Esp if she is making you really miserable.

As for how to go about it, don't burn your bridges. I would just slowly cut off contact. That way you leave the door open to future interactions. It's better to not make enemies when you don't need to.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:43 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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I use to have a "friend" like this and I kicked the ******* to the curve. It was the best thing I ever did. I rather be lonely than be in a so-called friendship like that. I'm so happy.
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Old 02-21-2011, 03:12 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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i'm going through a similar situation. not only this "friend" uses me but she's selfish and spoilt, and she bosses me around. she expects everyone to service her and fall at her feet and make the effort for her but she doesn't do the same and when you deny her of her demands she calls you selfish and petty. in this case it's me. she expects me to give her lifts. she wouldn't go anywhere unless someone have to give her a lift. she mistreats me and i find her to be a horrible person.

she blames everyone for everything and never consider faults within herself. i don't want to be friends with someone that selfish and demanding and negative so i've been ignoring her calls and cutting her off.

anyway, if she mistreats you and constantly uses you then you should cut her off. you should tell her so your feelings are out there for her to know. i want to tell the friend all the things about her that annoys me and that i resent her but i feel like i can't keep my composure and would end up raising my voice and exploding. i have a lot of anger towards her. it'd be easier to do it via email or phone but i would feel like a coward. i want to do it face to face but i feel awkward.
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