Social Anxiety Support

VIncymon · 06-09-2009, 12:18 PM

In a previous post I had mentioned somewhere there was this last girl who I really started to like, that herself told me , she was a lesbian.

Well ain't it a coincidence that for this summer semester I'm gonna be in the same class with this girl everyday !

WHY would God torture me like this

Why couldn't it have been a high school crush, or some new girl, or my brother's wife's sister; why does it have to be my most recent of crushes ?

Its bad enough knowing that it just wasn't meant to be, but to sit down across that girl in a class everyday, that's gonna kill slowly but as surely as a night in a frozen lake.

templar19 · 06-09-2009, 02:28 PM

You're raising a very basic problem of theism: the problem of evil, and I have no idea how to solve it (which is why I threw in the towel on God). But I think an answer to your question would be something like this:
You, right now, are attracted to this girl. That does not necessarily mean she is right for you long term: things can change, and change in ways you cannot foresee right now. God knows how things will change for you and what's good for you long-term. And maybe He knows this girl is not right for you, so is making your relationship with her unfeasible. If you believe God knows what's best for you, then have faith in Him.

kpiper0101 · 06-09-2009, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VIncymon

In a previous post I had mentioned somewhere there was this last girl who I really started to like, that herself told me , she was a lesbian.

Well ain't it a coincidence that for this summer semester I'm gonna be in the same class with this girl everyday !

WHY would God torture me like this

Why couldn't it have been a high school crush, or some new girl, or my brother's wife's sister; why does it have to be my most recent of crushes ?

Its bad enough knowing that it just wasn't meant to be, but to sit down across that girl in a class everyday, that's gonna kill slowly but as surely as a night in a frozen lake.

If you really think God was the one who put her in there, why don't you ask Him to transfer her out? Or maybe His plan is for you to drop the class, and take it in the fall when you'll meet the woman of your dreams whose path you'd never have crossed had you not dropped the summer class.

shyvr6 · 06-09-2009, 09:19 PM

Who knows, maybe you'll become friends, and then she might tell you that she's really bi. The last part is a long shot, but you can always hope, hehe.

alohomora · 06-10-2009, 11:43 AM

Well, coincidences and awkward situations like this happen all the time to everyone- we just notice it more as SAers because we avoid social situations so much that we haven't had an opportunity to desensitize ourselves.

My best advice would be to start focusing/developing crushes on other girls to get her off your mind.

VIncymon · 06-10-2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alohomora

Well, coincidences and awkward situations like this happen all the time to everyone- we just notice it more as SAers because we avoid social situations so much that we haven't had an opportunity to desensitize ourselves.

My best advice would be to start focusing/developing crushes on other girls to get her off your mind.

Sigh... here we go again. It seems everytime I allow myself to fall for a girl, she is either going away next month, of a non-dating religion, just not interested, in in this case she's gay.

And no, I don't look for bad situations, at the same time, if i like a girl I try not to be negative about it.

Maybe i should just close the door shut; and follow my school work. There are non unexpected surprises in algebra

bob_sleigh · 06-10-2009, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VIncymon

In a previous post I had mentioned somewhere there was this last girl who I really started to like, that herself told me , she was a lesbian.

Well ain't it a coincidence that for this summer semester I'm gonna be in the same class with this girl everyday !

WHY would God torture me like this

Why couldn't it have been a high school crush, or some new girl, or my brother's wife's sister; why does it have to be my most recent of crushes ?

Its bad enough knowing that it just wasn't meant to be, but to sit down across that girl in a class everyday, that's gonna kill slowly but as surely as a night in a frozen lake.

Stop being so needy!!!

Man up a bit, play it cool and stop looking for someone else to make your life better - they'll like you more for it!

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-Needy

Re the whole God thing, I've got nothing against people being religious but stop using at as an excuse for things going wrong and start taking responsibility for your life!!!

I dont mean to offend, honest

Ericisme · 06-10-2009, 04:25 PM

Maybe... simple bad luck and just coincidence? Sure, I think religious people say that is no such thing as luck or coincidences, but maybe you should think about it.

You'll find out in several years that either it was bad luck or God pulling a prank, you'll have to choose which one.

VIncymon · 06-10-2009, 04:33 PM

Ah, i'm not being overly religious, I just used the big G as an exclamation of sorts.

The good news is, I've been in a different class today and encountered a different set of girls today. I'll get over it I suppose.

Although, to add the complexity of the situation the "girl" has S.A. too and sometimes is clingy as well. Which means even if I try entering the class from another door, or make a huge round about the college, she will still find me, call me, and want to talk. This would be fine, if I knew it was going somewhere, but now that I know its not.. its kinda annoying at times.

SAgirl · 06-10-2009, 04:33 PM

I believe everything happens for a reason.
There will be other girls in the class. Just focus your attention on them.

jblazer · 06-10-2009, 04:38 PM

As long there's reason, there's purpose right? Wrong.. it's just billions of coincidences constantly colliding each other.

But thinking the other way around is just a much more mentally friendly. Lying to yourself seems to work for a lot of people, so join that club.

soft ground · 06-13-2009, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jblazer

As long there's reason, there's purpose right? Wrong.. it's just billions of coincidences constantly colliding each other.

But thinking the other way around is just a much more mentally friendly. Lying to yourself seems to work for a lot of people, so join that club.

I see we've officially succeeded in turning an emotional support thread into a religious debate thread. Also, the harshness in your statements, as well as the lack of consideration for others personal beliefs, makes me feel obligated to point something out.

Well... you have no more evidence of the universe being "just billions of coincidences" than anyone else has evidence to the notion that everything serves a purpose. Given this fact, you have no more justification in telling anyone who is religious that they're "lying" to themselves than a person of theism has justification in accusing you of being "ignorant". In other words, it's just plain rude to say these things to each other... so why don't we make an effort to refrain?

VIncymon, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I generally find that excruciatingly awkward situations are bound to happen from time to time, SA or no SA. I'd stick with it and hopefully your history with this girl could just end up being water under the bridge. Sounds like she wants to be your friend and since she evidently has SA too, you might have found a good link to express some of your problems through from time to time. Maybe, maybe not, how could I say? The situation's up to you! Much luck.

max4225 · 06-13-2009, 09:44 PM

Ditto on the good luck

deadwarrior666 · 06-14-2009, 02:57 AM

you shouldnt ask why would god torture you by such situation, you should ask does god exist at all? From my life experiance i can firmly say that GOD DOESNT EXIT.

I feel so frustrated because of my SA.. why would loving god give me SA? and even as u look at nature.. its brutal. why would god make nature in such a way that each and every organism has to consume other organisms for living?

rumjungle · 06-14-2009, 09:07 AM

At the end of the day...it doesn't matter if you believe in god or not, that is a personal preference, as others have said it is best suited in the spirituality section. The point that should be made is that you can't let your mind think that something bigger than you has it in for you and is causing all your problems. Although the op said it was just a way to express his frustration...

As for the girl, if you like her for who she is then you shouldn't avoid her, even if she appears 'clingy' I would still think it flattering that she goes out of her way to spend time with you. Is a friendship really that bad a thing to settle for? Nothing in life is constant, so how you feel and think today will not be the necessarily be the same tomorrow, next week etc. Also sometimes working on yourself to make yourself more content and secure with who you are is the best path to follow, relationships are not always the best thing.

VIncymon · 06-14-2009, 05:12 PM

Wow. I'm surprised how quickly some people are ready to turn this into a Religious debate. I didn't mean to spark such an argument, I am sorry if I offended anyone by the phrasing of my question.

Well for me personally. The "i don't have a girlfriend" noise has lowered significantly. Right now I am not that concerned about it anymore, and as such, the feeling I had a week ago when typing this thread, has significantly subsided.

Yes, I am in an "upswing" and intend to enjoy it and make it last as long as possible. P.S. no substance was involved in changing my mood. This is pure mind over matter.

mnrandomguy · 06-14-2009, 06:54 PM

Take it as an opportunity to desensitize yourself from awkward situations.

God didn't develop the crush on her. You did. Next time spend less time pining over a woman and pursue quicker. You should pursue to the point that she tells you she's les. long before you have spent so much time thinking about it that you're hung-up on her.

VIncymon · 06-16-2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mnrandomguy

Take it as an opportunity to desensitize yourself from awkward situations.

God didn't develop the crush on her. You did. Next time spend less time pining over a woman and pursue quicker. You should pursue to the point that she tells you she's les. long before you have spent so much time thinking about it that you're hung-up on her.

Well actually I think that's the whole reason she told me that in the first place. In the first few weeks after I first met her, I really actively sought her out on the campus. I mean Actively. Its like what they say, attraction can out do even the worst of anxieties.

But you know what's really ironic. I can't even get 10 responses when I post in the positive thinking forum !

Com'on people, if we don't support positive posts of others, that only leads us to feel more comfortable with negative posts.. which don't help any of us much.

06-09-2009, 12:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
VIncymon Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 741	Why does this keep happening to me ? In a previous post I had mentioned somewhere there was this last girl who I really started to like, that herself told me , she was a lesbian. Well ain't it a coincidence that for this summer semester I'm gonna be in the same class with this girl everyday ! WHY would God torture me like this Why couldn't it have been a high school crush, or some new girl, or my brother's wife's sister; why does it have to be my most recent of crushes ? Its bad enough knowing that it just wasn't meant to be, but to sit down across that girl in a class everyday, that's gonna kill slowly but as surely as a night in a frozen lake.

06-09-2009, 09:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere on a map. Gender: Male Posts: 9,645	Who knows, maybe you'll become friends, and then she might tell you that she's really bi. The last part is a long shot, but you can always hope, hehe. __________________ Music

06-10-2009, 11:43 AM	#5 (permalink)
alohomora Status: The party is over Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In a fiction book Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 288	Well, coincidences and awkward situations like this happen all the time to everyone- we just notice it more as SAers because we avoid social situations so much that we haven't had an opportunity to desensitize ourselves. My best advice would be to start focusing/developing crushes on other girls to get her off your mind. __________________ The richest person in the world is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. Life gives answers in three ways. It says yes and gives whatever you want. It says no and gives you something better. It says wait and gives you the best.

06-09-2009, 02:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
templar19 Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: British Columbia Gender: Male Posts: 75	You're raising a very basic problem of theism: the problem of evil, and I have no idea how to solve it (which is why I threw in the towel on God). But I think an answer to your question would be something like this: You, right now, are attracted to this girl. That does not necessarily mean she is right for you long term: things can change, and change in ways you cannot foresee right now. God knows how things will change for you and what's good for you long-term. And maybe He knows this girl is not right for you, so is making your relationship with her unfeasible. If you believe God knows what's best for you, then have faith in Him.

06-10-2009, 04:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ericisme Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Michigan\Wisconsin, USA Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 202	Maybe... simple bad luck and just coincidence? Sure, I think religious people say that is no such thing as luck or coincidences, but maybe you should think about it. You'll find out in several years that either it was bad luck or God pulling a prank, you'll have to choose which one.

06-10-2009, 04:33 PM	#9 (permalink)
VIncymon Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 741	Ah, i'm not being overly religious, I just used the big G as an exclamation of sorts. The good news is, I've been in a different class today and encountered a different set of girls today. I'll get over it I suppose. Although, to add the complexity of the situation the "girl" has S.A. too and sometimes is clingy as well. Which means even if I try entering the class from another door, or make a huge round about the college, she will still find me, call me, and want to talk. This would be fine, if I knew it was going somewhere, but now that I know its not.. its kinda annoying at times.

06-10-2009, 04:33 PM	#10 (permalink)
SAgirl Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Northwestern Ontario, 20 hour drive from TO Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 3,037	I believe everything happens for a reason. There will be other girls in the class. Just focus your attention on them.

06-10-2009, 04:38 PM	#11 (permalink)
jblazer Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 166	As long there's reason, there's purpose right? Wrong.. it's just billions of coincidences constantly colliding each other. But thinking the other way around is just a much more mentally friendly. Lying to yourself seems to work for a lot of people, so join that club.

06-13-2009, 09:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
max4225 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Great Basin Desert by lilac bushes Gender: Male Posts: 691	Ditto on the good luck

06-14-2009, 02:57 AM	#14 (permalink)
deadwarrior666 Status: Richard Dawkins Fan Join Date: May 2009 Location: India, Mumbai Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 119	you shouldnt ask why would god torture you by such situation, you should ask does god exist at all? From my life experiance i can firmly say that GOD DOESNT EXIT. I feel so frustrated because of my SA.. why would loving god give me SA? and even as u look at nature.. its brutal. why would god make nature in such a way that each and every organism has to consume other organisms for living?

06-14-2009, 09:07 AM	#15 (permalink)
rumjungle Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Female Posts: 454	At the end of the day...it doesn't matter if you believe in god or not, that is a personal preference, as others have said it is best suited in the spirituality section. The point that should be made is that you can't let your mind think that something bigger than you has it in for you and is causing all your problems. Although the op said it was just a way to express his frustration... As for the girl, if you like her for who she is then you shouldn't avoid her, even if she appears 'clingy' I would still think it flattering that she goes out of her way to spend time with you. Is a friendship really that bad a thing to settle for? Nothing in life is constant, so how you feel and think today will not be the necessarily be the same tomorrow, next week etc. Also sometimes working on yourself to make yourself more content and secure with who you are is the best path to follow, relationships are not always the best thing.

06-14-2009, 05:12 PM	#16 (permalink)
VIncymon Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 741	Wow. I'm surprised how quickly some people are ready to turn this into a Religious debate. I didn't mean to spark such an argument, I am sorry if I offended anyone by the phrasing of my question. Well for me personally. The "i don't have a girlfriend" noise has lowered significantly. Right now I am not that concerned about it anymore, and as such, the feeling I had a week ago when typing this thread, has significantly subsided. Yes, I am in an "upswing" and intend to enjoy it and make it last as long as possible. P.S. no substance was involved in changing my mood. This is pure mind over matter.

06-14-2009, 06:54 PM	#17 (permalink)
mnrandomguy Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3	Take it as an opportunity to desensitize yourself from awkward situations. God didn't develop the crush on her. You did. Next time spend less time pining over a woman and pursue quicker. You should pursue to the point that she tells you she's les. long before you have spent so much time thinking about it that you're hung-up on her.