hi im new to this and excuse my english..not my native language..
well my story is simple..im 23 years old,autistic a bit retarded,ugly(people often say i look like that mr Bean character and sometimes i feel like i act like him lol)
all my life ive been rejected i dont have any friends at all,rarely i go out from my house never had a girlfriend or have my first kiss,not even an onest smile from a girl..
i think i am the perfect definition of failure,my father always says to me to go out and make at least some friends but im ashamed to say to my parents about this bad feelings..
i want to end my life but i cant do that because i will hurt my parents..thats the only thing that keept me alive until now..i feel like i wasnt supposed to exist..with or without me is the same thing..
i have a brother who 3 year younger than me and onest i envie him..he is total opposite of me..we didnt get along when we were kids and we dont have a goog relationship either now..he is very beautiful he has a very active social life,many friends,girls are acting crazy around him and he is that cassanova player type..i think he had at least 30 girls until now..and he is only 20 years old..and my self 0..
and sadly for me i envie him..i would like to be like him but i know i cant..im to shy..a bit retarded..im at the limit of normality and thats even worse..i know whats happening around me but i cant express my self the way i would like..i just spend all day long watching sports on tv or viewing porn on my laptop and now im so tired of everything..
it is so frustrating the way i fell and i wonder what i did wrong to deserve this? i just want want to live my life like any other human being..sorry for my spelling once again..