Social Anxiety Support

Mello · 11-03-2009, 06:26 AM

Why are so many people on this forum so jealous and frustrated by other peoples happiness. Instead of being so envious constantly try to make your life better, because getting upset or jealous isn't going to get you a life, it's only going to make you sink even deeper in your self pity.
I understand that many people out there live happier lifes than most SA people. But getting envious and frustrated isn't going to make you get the life they have. Because the more you concentrate on what you dont have, and the more you pity yourself and envy others, the more pathetic you become. I can relate to alot op people on this forum, I have the same problem most of you have, but getting jealous is just unnecessary. We have try to make our lifes better instead dwelling on the things in life we dont have.

malone · 11-03-2009, 06:36 AM

Everyone copes differently, everyone has different experiences.

You think that we're just sitting behind our computers whining all day? We go out there and we TRY. Believe me. It is so frustrating to have a disorder where no matter how much we want to be social, something always keeps us back. Yes, of course we envy people who's communication and social skills come so easily to them. Human beings are social people, we all want to feel loved and accepted - unfortunately most of us never have.

We want to experience the same things that everyone else our ages are. This disorder holds us back and we get frustrated. Why us? Why did we get stuck with something that makes us incapable of even the simplest of conversations.

We have plenty to be frustrated about. But don't say that no one on this site goes out and tries to make their lives better, because we do it every single day.

astontsui · 11-03-2009, 06:46 AM

you have a point, we should stop whining, but isn't what this is for? this is my first post and i came here to see if there was anyone like me out there, cuz it sure doesn't seem like theres anyone around who can relate to me at all. i mean im sure there are but you cant see what doesnt want to be seen. i tell my friends and they either respond with "Oh it's all in your head!" or "Oh just suck it up" and I just get so freakin annoyed because they mean well but they have no idea. The last thing I really want to hear is that it's just in my head, cuz I am solely to blame for this. I believe I am partially to blame, but I've done so much to try and get myself out of this, to no avail.

I don't know, I really do try...de-sensitize as the therapists call it. put myself out there, the anxiety peaks, and then it comes down. I've done this so many times but it never actually comes down. Sometimes trying just doesn't yield the results we want. So we wallow.

but in any case, i think most people with SA just can't help but compare because we got all this free time on our hands and we watch the world we want to be a part of pass us by. Sure we could get in and get involved but everytime we come out feeling like **** until we don't get out there anymore. I still try, but it's really not so simple.

but in any case, you do have a point. Doing something is always better than doing something if you want to get better. Wallowing in misery really gets us nowhere except to a place far worse than where we're already at. But sometimes it's not so easy. So we come here

Mello · 11-03-2009, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by malone

Everyone copes differently, everyone has different experiences.

You think that we're just sitting behind our computers whining all day? We go out there and we TRY. Believe me. It is so frustrating to have a disorder where no matter how much we want to be social, something always keeps us back. Yes, of course we envy people who's communication and social skills come so easily to them. Human beings are social people, we all want to feel loved and accepted - unfortunately most of us never have.

We want to experience the same things that everyone else our ages are. This disorder holds us back and we get frustrated. Why us? Why did we get stuck with something that makes us incapable of even the simplest of conversations.

We have plenty to be frustrated about. But don't say that no one on this site goes out and tries to make their lives better, because we do it every single day.

I never said that no one on this site goes out and tries to make their lives better, i know that alot of people tried including myself. Sometimes you do get depressed or sad because you keep trying and it seems to be a lost cause. But my point is that alot of people get jealous way to easily, and alot of people are negative like 90% of the time, how do you expect it to get better then. all i wanted to say is thinking negative all the time and being jealous isn't going to help. Replace those negative thoughts with good thoughts. Im not saying you cant ever get frustrated or upset.

Deathinmusic · 11-03-2009, 07:33 AM

You make it sound like letting go of the envy and negativity is an easy thing to do. Just a simple matter of choice. But it's not. I'd love to let go of both, especially the constant negativity, but I don't know how. It feeds itself.

KaiserNeptune · 11-03-2009, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mello

Why are so many people on this forum so jealous and frustrated by other peoples happiness. Instead of being so envious constantly try to make your life better, because getting upset or jealous isn't going to get you a life, it's only going to make you sink even deeper in your self pity.
I understand that many people out there live happier lifes than most SA people. But getting envious and frustrated isn't going to make you get the life they have. Because the more you concentrate on what you dont have, and the more you pity yourself and envy others, the more pathetic you become. I can relate to alot op people on this forum, I have the same problem most of you have, but getting jealous is just unnecessary. We have try to make our lifes better instead dwelling on the things in life we dont have.

I agree somewhat, but I think it's healthy for people to vent their frustrations, especially on a message board for SA (isn't that the raison d'être of this board?). What are they supposed to do? Hold it in and have a heart attack because their body cannot take all the mal-effects of excess stress? As long as they do not become obsessed with their friends' social lives, I see this as a benevolent process which can mitigate frustrations. You're also assuming that everyone has the ability or the know-how to improve their situation in life, which is not necessarily the case.

So I say vent away! Holding in anger and jealousy will just make you miserable, and could impair your bodily health irrevocably.

Sorry if this post comes off as adversarial.

rincewind · 11-03-2009, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mello

Why are so many people on this forum so jealous and frustrated by other peoples happiness.

Umm, because we're human?

Rixy · 11-03-2009, 09:44 AM

It's natural to be envious towards people but you shouldn't let it take over you. I doubt anybody here actually has spiteful feelings towards people who can socialize. I usually think to myself "Oh man, why can't I do stuff like that without sweating like a pig?!" but I don't want take away anything good from people's lives. That's how I feel anyway. I welcome all vents and frustration into the frustration forum.

Mello · 11-03-2009, 09:56 AM

Yea i agree that people should let out their frustrations. I think there's a big diffrence between being jealous or wishing you could do what others do or have what others have, theres nothing wrong with that. but getting upset and jealous to me that is just very immature.

Rixy · 11-03-2009, 10:01 AM

Yeah, getting upset in a spiteful way isn't good. I haven't seen that on this board yet but I haven't been around for long.

spacefiller · 11-03-2009, 10:11 AM

Because SAD has caused depression for many of us. And that's how depression manifests - hopelessness, low motivation, self-pity, sadness, etc. It's sort of like asking somebody with a broken leg why they are not trying to improve their time in the 100 m sprint.

ShyViolet · 11-03-2009, 12:42 PM

People have lives that I am jealous of because of their social skills. Social skills play a major part in people's achievements. I have zero social skills, therefore I can only feel jealous of those who do.

Iced Soul · 11-03-2009, 02:16 PM

You can't stop people from being jealous or envious. Everyone experiences it, even people we all think have wonderful lives. They are jealous and envious of someone else.

Me, if I want to be jealous or envious, I will. I don't see how it's hurting anyone.

Mello · 11-03-2009, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iced Soul

You can't stop people from being jealous or envious. Everyone experiences it, even people we all think have wonderful lives. They are jealous and envious of someone else.

Me, if I want to be jealous or envious, I will. I don't see how it's hurting anyone.

You think everyone experiences it, you cant possibly know that, i myself never experienced jealousy or envy, i have wished to have what someone else has but never went further than that.

_AJ_ · 11-03-2009, 04:05 PM

so you think approaching the problem rationally and calmly is better than angrily?

Im not sure which is better. when I get angry I make a big fuss and really try and fight this problem without any care for anyone or anything. and when i whine and complain, other people hear it and then they know, so they can help me too.

on the other hand, being calm and rational makes it easier to have a positive attitude and be more pleasant, which is important for making friends. its also less painful. it does create better planning and better beliefs. but other people just dont feel my pain and are less likely to help. its just missing that passionate pissed off drive!

shadowmask · 11-03-2009, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iced Soul

Me, if I want to be jealous or envious, I will. I don't see how it's hurting anyone.

It doesn't hurt anyone else, sure. Only yourself.

rincewind · 11-03-2009, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mello

You think everyone experiences it, you cant possibly know that, i myself never experienced jealousy or envy, i have wished to have what someone else has but never went further than that.

Yes, this is called envy. Welcome to the club.

Iced Soul · 11-03-2009, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mello

You think everyone experiences it, you cant possibly know that, i myself never experienced jealousy or envy, i have wished to have what someone else has but never went further than that.

Well, I'm so happy you never have, that's great. But still sounds like a little envy, to me.
I still believe everyone has experienced it at least once, even to a small degree.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowmask

It doesn't hurt anyone else, sure. Only yourself.

Yeah, it hurts me, but as long as I don't hurt anyone else, I think I'm good. I don't let my jealousy and envy get to the point where I'm crying into my pillow, lashing out at people because of their happiness and achievements, or committing suicide, so I don't think it's that bad. So what if I'm a little extra sad for an hour or two (that's about as long as it usually lasts), I'll be sad over something anyway.

secretlyshecries · 11-04-2009, 12:18 AM

Being negative rather than positive can just come naturally for some people. It's not like you can flick a switch and suddenly be at peace.

Thats 'jealousy' a lot of us feel is just longing for what others have. Nothing weird about it

Mello · 11-04-2009, 11:43 AM

I long to have what others have sometimes to, but the way people handle it by becoming bitter and upset about it is just irrational, and its true that in the end your only hurting yourself, because dwelling upon it is only going to make you feel more bitter inside. Im just saying that wanting it can be enough it doesent have to consume you in a way that gets you upset about it.

And by the way:
Envy is the desire for something that someone else has and a feeling of bitterness over another persons advantages in general.

11-03-2009, 06:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
Mello Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Rotterdam Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 66	Why frustrated and jealous of everyone else's happiness? Why are so many people on this forum so jealous and frustrated by other peoples happiness. Instead of being so envious constantly try to make your life better, because getting upset or jealous isn't going to get you a life, it's only going to make you sink even deeper in your self pity. I understand that many people out there live happier lifes than most SA people. But getting envious and frustrated isn't going to make you get the life they have. Because the more you concentrate on what you dont have, and the more you pity yourself and envy others, the more pathetic you become. I can relate to alot op people on this forum, I have the same problem most of you have, but getting jealous is just unnecessary. We have try to make our lifes better instead dwelling on the things in life we dont have.

11-03-2009, 02:16 PM	#13 (permalink)
Iced Soul Status: Dancing on Rainbows Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Calilalaland Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 1,775	You can't stop people from being jealous or envious. Everyone experiences it, even people we all think have wonderful lives. They are jealous and envious of someone else. Me, if I want to be jealous or envious, I will. I don't see how it's hurting anyone. __________________ I scraped my knees while I was praying And found a demon in my safest haven. Seems like, it's getting harder to believe in anything Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts. I wanna know what it'd be like To find perfection in my pride To see nothing in the light Just turn it off In all my spite, in all my spite, I'll turn it off. - Turn It Off - Paramore http://twitter.com/MissEerie

11-03-2009, 04:05 PM	#15 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 734	so you think approaching the problem rationally and calmly is better than angrily? Im not sure which is better. when I get angry I make a big fuss and really try and fight this problem without any care for anyone or anything. and when i whine and complain, other people hear it and then they know, so they can help me too. on the other hand, being calm and rational makes it easier to have a positive attitude and be more pleasant, which is important for making friends. its also less painful. it does create better planning and better beliefs. but other people just dont feel my pain and are less likely to help. its just missing that passionate pissed off drive! __________________ Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision to act in spite of it.

11-03-2009, 06:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
malone Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Female Posts: 60	Everyone copes differently, everyone has different experiences. You think that we're just sitting behind our computers whining all day? We go out there and we TRY. Believe me. It is so frustrating to have a disorder where no matter how much we want to be social, something always keeps us back. Yes, of course we envy people who's communication and social skills come so easily to them. Human beings are social people, we all want to feel loved and accepted - unfortunately most of us never have. We want to experience the same things that everyone else our ages are. This disorder holds us back and we get frustrated. Why us? Why did we get stuck with something that makes us incapable of even the simplest of conversations. We have plenty to be frustrated about. But don't say that no one on this site goes out and tries to make their lives better, because we do it every single day.

11-03-2009, 06:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
astontsui Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	you have a point, we should stop whining, but isn't what this is for? this is my first post and i came here to see if there was anyone like me out there, cuz it sure doesn't seem like theres anyone around who can relate to me at all. i mean im sure there are but you cant see what doesnt want to be seen. i tell my friends and they either respond with "Oh it's all in your head!" or "Oh just suck it up" and I just get so freakin annoyed because they mean well but they have no idea. The last thing I really want to hear is that it's just in my head, cuz I am solely to blame for this. I believe I am partially to blame, but I've done so much to try and get myself out of this, to no avail. I don't know, I really do try...de-sensitize as the therapists call it. put myself out there, the anxiety peaks, and then it comes down. I've done this so many times but it never actually comes down. Sometimes trying just doesn't yield the results we want. So we wallow. but in any case, i think most people with SA just can't help but compare because we got all this free time on our hands and we watch the world we want to be a part of pass us by. Sure we could get in and get involved but everytime we come out feeling like **** until we don't get out there anymore. I still try, but it's really not so simple. but in any case, you do have a point. Doing something is always better than doing something if you want to get better. Wallowing in misery really gets us nowhere except to a place far worse than where we're already at. But sometimes it's not so easy. So we come here

11-03-2009, 07:33 AM	#5 (permalink)
Deathinmusic Status: SAD Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 49	You make it sound like letting go of the envy and negativity is an easy thing to do. Just a simple matter of choice. But it's not. I'd love to let go of both, especially the constant negativity, but I don't know how. It feeds itself.

11-03-2009, 09:44 AM	#8 (permalink)
Rixy Status: Falling into Guru Muhk Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 17 Posts: 228	It's natural to be envious towards people but you shouldn't let it take over you. I doubt anybody here actually has spiteful feelings towards people who can socialize. I usually think to myself "Oh man, why can't I do stuff like that without sweating like a pig?!" but I don't want take away anything good from people's lives. That's how I feel anyway. I welcome all vents and frustration into the frustration forum.

11-03-2009, 09:56 AM	#9 (permalink)
Mello Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Rotterdam Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 66	Yea i agree that people should let out their frustrations. I think there's a big diffrence between being jealous or wishing you could do what others do or have what others have, theres nothing wrong with that. but getting upset and jealous to me that is just very immature.

11-03-2009, 10:01 AM	#10 (permalink)
Rixy Status: Falling into Guru Muhk Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 17 Posts: 228	Yeah, getting upset in a spiteful way isn't good. I haven't seen that on this board yet but I haven't been around for long.

11-03-2009, 10:11 AM	#11 (permalink)
spacefiller Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 47	Because SAD has caused depression for many of us. And that's how depression manifests - hopelessness, low motivation, self-pity, sadness, etc. It's sort of like asking somebody with a broken leg why they are not trying to improve their time in the 100 m sprint.

11-03-2009, 12:42 PM	#12 (permalink)
ShyViolet Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,942	People have lives that I am jealous of because of their social skills. Social skills play a major part in people's achievements. I have zero social skills, therefore I can only feel jealous of those who do.

11-04-2009, 12:18 AM	#19 (permalink)
secretlyshecries Status: In hiding Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Australia, hiding under a rock somewhere Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 569	Being negative rather than positive can just come naturally for some people. It's not like you can flick a switch and suddenly be at peace. Thats 'jealousy' a lot of us feel is just longing for what others have. Nothing weird about it

11-04-2009, 11:43 AM	#20 (permalink)
Mello Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Rotterdam Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 66	I long to have what others have sometimes to, but the way people handle it by becoming bitter and upset about it is just irrational, and its true that in the end your only hurting yourself, because dwelling upon it is only going to make you feel more bitter inside. Im just saying that wanting it can be enough it doesent have to consume you in a way that gets you upset about it. And by the way: Envy is the desire for something that someone else has and a feeling of bitterness over another persons advantages in general.