Why do people not invite us? - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Frustration

Reply
Old 04-02-2009, 05:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
BeNice's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Coastal New Jersey
Posts: 5,940



Default Why do people not invite us?

Are we weird? Make others uncomfortable? Not cool enough? Not on the same intellectual level?
BeNice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 05:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
lyssado707's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Humboldt Co CA & SF East Bay Area
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Posts: 4,358



Default

Maybe we're so quiet that they don't think about us much? Or they think we'd be uncomfortable in the situation they were inviting us too. I dunno.
__________________
In Loving Memory,
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g1...6/P1000595.jpg http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g1...P1000480-1.jpg
Marmalade
January 1991-February 19, 2007
lyssado707 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 06:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
pita's Avatar
 
Status: subtastic
Join Date: Jan 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,693



Default

I've had the experience where people used to invite me, then stopped after a while. I think they find me both annoying and awkward.
pita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 06:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
BeNice's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Coastal New Jersey
Posts: 5,940



Default

In this case, my sister was just here and I asked her where she was going. She told me where and did not invite me. I am paranoid that I have said too many stupid things lately or maybe she just knows that I don't always want to go out. I was just explaining to her why I didn't go out last night, but even then I actually did want to go, it's just that I didn't want to spend the money and I'm going to the same place this Friday night. I guess the whole thing is that I would like to be invited, even if I will say no. Then I'm secondly paranoid that I'm just not down enough for this hipster joint and she knows I will be uncomfortable and/or will be made uncomfortable by me being uncomfortable. Still, sometimes I like to go out and be uncomfortable rather than making posts on SAS about being uncomfortable.
BeNice is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 06:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: The Phoenix
Join Date: Jan 2009
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 381



Default

It's the million dollar question, isn't it? From what people have told me I am the following...

-Interesting
-Funny
-Intelligent
-Good looking
-Nice
-Not one of those "nice" people who let people walk all over him

If I'm so ****ing awesome, why doesn't anyone else seem to want me around?
__________________
Life is full of ups and downs. Its about constantly taking only one step back every time you take two forward.
Speratus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 06:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
NegativeCreep23's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Posts: 22



Default

I am weird. I know a group of friends who I am actually NOT shy and anxious around. I used to be invited to do crap with them, but lately not so much. How could it be anything else?
NegativeCreep23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 09:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
Bredwh's Avatar
 
Status: Single White He-male
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Delhi, NY, USA (in the Catskills)
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 811



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Speratus View Post
It's the million dollar question, isn't it? From what people have told me I am the following...

-Interesting
-Funny
-Intelligent
-Good looking
-Nice
-Not one of those "nice" people who let people walk all over him

If I'm so ****ing awesome, why doesn't anyone else seem to want me around?
They're jealous?
Bredwh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 09:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
Desperate's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Central Cali
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Posts: 371



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pita View Post
I've had the experience where people used to invite me, then stopped after a while. I think they find me both annoying and awkward.
same with me.. I rejected some so they stopped inviting.. But even if I really wanted to go, I would just not feel comfortable and have fun.
Desperate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2009, 11:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
shyvr6's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 25,266



Default

Maybe she didn't feel like inviting you tonight. There could be lots of reasons why so you're probably better off not worrying about it.
shyvr6 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 12:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
alipaige's Avatar
 
Status: alipaige
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: alabama
Gender: Female
Posts: 128



Default

Honestly, I don't blame people for not inviting me.
I come off as cold and distant, which makes people assume that I think I'm way too cool for school or i'm completely above them.

Which isn't the case at all. I actually do want to be warm, outspoken, and friendly, but it's hard when I'm so embarrassed to screw up any social encounter with anyone, so i just say 'screw it!' and continue to come off as the mean callous person everyone thinks I am.
alipaige is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 12:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
Eraserhead's Avatar
 
Status: Neue Nihilist
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: North
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 2,390



Default

People feel like they have to babysit me if they invite me somewhere, because I'll usually cling to them and not really meet many other people.
__________________
Open up, it's the FBI Police! I'm Special Agent Detective Sargent Doctor Trenchcoat, and this is my partner The Right Honorable Professor Judge Captain Snake!
Eraserhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 12:19 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
likeOlikeH's Avatar
 
Status: Gimme Sympathy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Miami, FL
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 126



Default

This is a ****ing great question. People I get to know really well tell me how awesome I am, but yet, when it comes to social outings and stuff, I almost never get considered.
POR QUE???
__________________
everybody everybody just wanna fall in love
everybody everybody just wanna play the lead
play the lead
play the lead

-Metric 'Sick Muse'- New Album 'FANTASIES', in stores NOW
www.ilovemetric.com
http://www.last.fm/user/msem
likeOlikeH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 01:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pacific NW
Gender: Male
Posts: 985



Default

Yeah I used to feel like that "why don't they just ask me this, or invite me to this, or include me in this, etc" but then I realized when someone actually does reach out you end up feeling akward and either wanting more from them or shutting off because you don't know how to handle it. It's a way of coping, blaming it on them for our lack of social skill. They could initiate everything and be the most bent over backward person in the world to accomodate you and we'd probably still end up acting cold and isolated.
__________________
But what exactly is social anxiety? It’s the experience of apprehension or worry that arises from the possibility, either real or imagined, that one will be evaluated or judged in some manner by others.
screwjack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 02:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 728



Default

I always turned down invitations to places because i was too scared of the social settings.
downbutnotout is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 03:05 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
Sabu's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Mids, UK
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 413



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desperate View Post
same with me.. I rejected some so they stopped inviting.. But even if I really wanted to go, I would just not feel comfortable and have fun.
When I first started college I did this. I was so annoyed by the end of it that I burnt all my bridges with people by saying no all the time. I figured now they thought I was an arrogant cock at best or a weirdo at worst. All because I knew that I'd be uncomfortable, or I'd convince my self they were just being nice and didn't actually want me to go so I said no to save face.
Sabu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 03:12 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
TorLin's Avatar
 
Status: MayTheForceBeWithYou
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: California
Gender: Male
Posts: 19,559



Default

well if you keep saying no, i personally would get turned off by asking to join in any fun.

its kinda like digging yourself a hole.

if you say maybe, or yes and not show up, it reflects on you.

speaking from personal experience i have learned that when my church friends invited me to a party and i turned them down or not show up, they stopped asking me. so maybe they think "why bother asking him, if he always keeps saying no."
__________________
" You were deceived. And now, your Republic shall fall. "
TorLin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 03:17 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Mar 2009
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 728



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TorLin View Post
well if you keep saying no, i personally would get turned off by asking to join in any fun.

its kinda like digging yourself a hole.

if you say maybe, or yes and not show up, it reflects on you.

speaking from personal experience i have learned that when my church friends invited me to a party and i turned them down or not show up, they stopped asking me. so maybe they think "why bother asking him, if he always keeps saying no."
I did that before when i was younger. I got laughed at, they said "i was the best at not turning up"

These people would have a go at me all day in school, and then they would want me to do stuff after school!?

No chance.
downbutnotout is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-2009, 05:30 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
Andrew1980's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 291



Default

Probably because I keep hitting on their friends in inappropriate ways.
Andrew1980 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
You're having a dinner party and can invite 5 famous people - Still Waters General Discussion 90 05-31-2011 05:07 PM
Didn't Bother to Invite Me Catching Fire Frustration 10 07-21-2009 09:32 AM
When people really don't want to invite you... OhNoTaylor Frustration 17 05-19-2009 11:05 PM
can anyone help me with a joost invite? pabs General Discussion 4 05-07-2007 04:40 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:22 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.