why do people dislike me for no reason - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-18-2010, 08:33 PM Thread Starter
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Post why do people dislike me for no reason

i really don't get it. it happens with people i've never met or seen before in my life. like if i'm walking down the street, i get looks from people - they seem annoyed that they're even walking on the same sidewalk as me.

this makes me so mad though because they don't even know me! who are they to judge? i didn't think my presence was uncomfortable to people - i try my best to appear pleasant and calm. idk, maybe i don't look as friendly as I thought. sometime i wonder if i naturally put off a bad vibe to people. ??

anyone else have this problem?
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post #2 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-18-2010, 08:53 PM
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Can this really be true? can people really just dislike us for no reason, even compelte strangers on the street? or maybe its just an irrational thought. I dont think people hate me on sight i think everyone starts to dislike me after i start talking to them for a while.

And miles to go before I sleep.
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post #3 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-18-2010, 09:32 PM
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It could be that you're just misinterpreting their facial expressions or you're thinking the looks are directed towards you when it could be something completely different. On the other hand, maybe the person doesn't like you because you looked at them or maybe they're just an angry person and doesn't like very many people.
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post #4 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 12:06 AM
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people are easily annoyed by quiet people that never talk, i know, i always sense it from my classmates
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post #5 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 09:11 AM
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This happens to me and I'm also puzzled as to why. Sure, a lot of it rests in my own thoughts and projections. But I also know there is something about me that makes people uneasy.

I think people just don't know what to make of me. Some possible reasons why:

I look kind of goofy, for one thing. I'm a tall, skinny guy with a beard. I move awkwardly, especially if I feel like I'm being looked at. I have issues with making eye contact. I'm somewhat effeminate, even though I'm straight. And I tend to be OVERLY polite and soft-spoken. Whereas I'm just trying to be pleasant (while NOT projecting the melancholy I feel inside), I feel like people see me as being condescending, even though I'm not trying to be.

And even if I am able to make some kind of connection with people, it usually fades shortly thereafter. I can't sustain many relationships.

I think I bum people out, which is why I just try to stay out of their way. And that's probably not a very good way to go about living.

"To live outside the law you must be honest..."
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post #6 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:06 PM
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i get that too. and its a lot, im not exaggerating.

i cant say its the exact same in your case, but ive always learned that if you feel a certain way inside that "energy" will be projected to other people in a sub-conscious way. whether you intend to or not.

Its wierd, for example, if I feel good about myself that day, I can "see" the people that were once staring at me, giving frowns, wierd looks dissapear because i chose not to look at things that way.

as somebody said before me, yeah its a mixture of being sensitive and negative.

being sensitive is just embedded theres really nothing i think that can change that, you can mask that, but it'll always be there.

being negative is a trait from the experiences/enviorment you were given. you took it from those past times to give you that perception that you are not good enough. it starts from thinking positive and continuining to do good for yourself and you'll soon discover that everything that once looked dull and gloomy is now bright and vibrant.

went off topic a little bit but i thought it would be relevant as it has been in my personal life.
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post #7 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 08:29 PM
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its called social anxiety disorder people, this is just the kind of thing we have to live with. Trust me I know, I get the same feelings all the time.
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post #8 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 12:55 AM
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...hey

Stop worrying about it. You can't make them like you. Even if they do dislike you, there isn't anything you can do. And it's not your fault anyway. Your not responsible for what they do. Whatever they think and do is entirely their fault.
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post #9 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 01:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malone View Post
I have the same problem. At uni girls just, really don't like me for no reason. I hear from acquaintances things that girls have said about me, some just horrible - mind you, I have never even so much as met these girls before. I'm no stranger to dirty looks there either.

All this has done is make me even more anxious and afraid of social situations because now I know people don't like me without me actually having to do anything. It's upsetting, really, especially when you genuinely want to make friends.

I guess it might be that I don't really talk to anyone. I sit alone in all my lectures and classes so they must think that I feel that I'm too superior to talk to anyone or something. I must look more confident than I really am. I've heard that I'm *really* intimidating. Haha, what a joke.
People find me intimidating as well and they're really worried about whether or not I like them, it's weird.

I have heard that people think certain things about me and they're people that have never talked to me before. It's ridiculous.

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post #10 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 04:43 AM
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I hear from acquaintances things that girls have said about me, some just horrible - mind you, I have never even so much as met these girls before.
That used to happen to me at school. I'd hear about the things girls had said about me and I'd never even met them before. Anyway I feel like people on the street dislike me for no reason as well. I wonder if it's just because I look all freaked out.
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post #11 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 05:04 AM
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It's not possible for someone to dislike you just from looking at you. What's more likely is that people with SA and low self-esteem give off a negative vibe which others pick up on. It won't make them dislike you but they'll probably already feel a bit put off before they've spoken to you if you don't look approachable/friendly. I find that looking around at my surroundings and having a faint smile on my lips works, and it makes me feel better than if I'm looking down at the ground or overthinking things and not paying attention to what's around me. Try to focus outward, not inward. Works for me.
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post #12 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 07:36 AM
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Some people will take an instant dislike to someone they've never met before. They do this either because they heard false rumours about you or they're jealous. People have said some horrible things to me in the past and I didn't know them, and all because their friends and their friends were people I didn't get on with.
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post #13 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 07:37 AM
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You're probably reading too much into everything. We can all get hypersensitive to things that nobody else even notices.

However, keep in mind that people with SAD unintentionally send out signals that they're unfriendly or aloof.
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post #14 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 07:40 AM
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Today I was in the library near empty.

Later on, someone walks in, sits on the adjacent table (square). Though ok fair enough that what I would do anyway.

Few mins later another person come goes on the other table...

...

...

...

There's me on one table and four people on the other!!!!!!!

And in my class we had to go in stupid groups and everyone just ignored me...I hate people.

Dreading the oral presentation (assessed as well) I have to do next month.

Last edited by DCP11OC; 01-20-2010 at 07:46 AM. Reason: Other thoughts...scarey...thinking
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post #15 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 07:41 AM
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I'm sure they don't hate you. Sometimes people are annoyed for no reason. Today, the hustle and bustle of life can get on anyones nerve.

But if you are extremely quiet as I am, then people get annoyed ... I never understood that.
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post #16 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 07:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnxiousIaM View Post
You're probably reading too much into everything. We can all get hypersensitive to things that nobody else even notices.

However, keep in mind that people with SAD unintentionally send out signals that they're unfriendly or aloof.
There is a risk that you can imagine what other people must be thinking about you. Some people aren't really being unfriendly but it's just wondering why they gave you that sneer, or why they're saying things like that about you. I guess that when this happens SAD developes a thing called social paranoia. A lot of self-help books touch on what you said.
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post #17 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 08:14 AM
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Originally Posted by ruinMYlife View Post
people are easily annoyed by quiet people that never talk, i know, i always sense it from my classmates
I feel that too. I went out to lunch with some friends. One woman was dominating the conversation. A few times when I tried to talk she kinda shushed me or dismissed me, or didn't acknowledge me. I know she likes me though. I think she is loud and pushy, and that's ok as long as I'm still included.
I start thinking I'm no fun, or I'm boring or stupid. It's not true.

"Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am."
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post #18 of 91 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 11:21 AM
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It feels like everyone dislikes me everywhere I go, and without a reason. Or maybe there is a reson?
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post #19 of 91 (permalink) Old 12-13-2011, 09:55 AM
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I know how you feel. I have felt this many times in my life but I really think it's perception. I don't think people hate you when they see you. Your brain just thinks they do and you are used to feeling that way so it goes there. People do not hate you. I also feel that you think you are not worthy. You are very worthy if you were not you would not have life. You are beautiful as you are always remember that. Don't let your mind play games with you
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post #20 of 91 (permalink) Old 12-13-2011, 12:14 PM
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its called social anxiety disorder people, this is just the kind of thing we have to live with. Trust me I know, I get the same feelings all the time.
It's not always just feelings, I get rude comments shouted at me from complete strangers when I'm out and about. That's not paranoia, it's actually happening. I dislike the notion (which is often the general concensus among therapists and written in the paraphernalia that they give you) that it's just all in your head when for some of us the only reason why we have SA in the first place is due to getting frequent verbal abuse when out in public/social situations. Now I know that many SA sufferers may not actually get verbal abuse aimed at them and have SA due to suspicion and other various reasons but how someone like myself is supposed to gain confidence is a mystery when none of the so called professionals will recognise that for some sufferers they have SA because they get verbally targeted. If I pluck up the courage to interact more only to be knocked down again with offensive remarks from people i'm just back at square one again. At the end of the day the only solution for me is a brain or personality transplant to make me such a hard *** I don't give a damn about the torrent of abuse people throw at me.
To the original poster though I don't think you can accurately judge what someone thinks of you just by ones facial expression, there would have to be some communcation directly intended for you as well before you can assume they have a problem with you.

"To know is nothing at all, to imagine is everything"!
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