Why do I think of sex all the time? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 04:54 AM Thread Starter
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Why do I think of sex all the time?

I'm thinking of doing something with a guy all the time. I find it really disturbing. These thoughts consume a lot of my time (because they often make me want to m**tur**te). I wish I could stop them, somehow. I wish I was asexual. Why do I have these thoughts? Is that because I have never had anything with a guy? Or because my life is so blunt, unfulfilled and uninteresting that the only interesting thing that remains is sex?
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post #2 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 05:32 AM
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Well do you want to?

From what I remember, you live in Paris and unlike what you think, the majority and very tolerant and very accepting of gay people, almost on the bay area level. It's just you telling yourself because you lack confidence.

I have a wild suggestion but likely you wouldn't do it but I'll suggest it anyway for down the road when you might get the opportunity. You should one day go to this place:

http://queen.fr/

Accept who you are, go try to meet people and have some fun. You desire companionship. I'm sure you'll have guys come up to you. It's a fun and quite beautiful, classy gay club. I went with my girlfriend at the time on a ladies night and I'm telling you, it's basically a gay person's dream. Even if you end up having the most unsuccessful evening ever, you'll realize there's nothing wrong with being gay because you'll be surrounded by gay people. Quite gorgeous people might I add, simply looking is worth the price of admission. You are quite a good looking guy who would get attention there. That says a lot about how you undervalue yourself.

From the land of the midnight sun
where ice blue roses grow
'long those roads of gold and silver snow
Howlin' wide or moanin low
So many roads I know
So many roads to ease my soul
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post #3 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 05:43 AM
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post #4 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 05:48 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Brightpaperwarewolf View Post
Well do you want to?

From what I remember, you live in Paris and unlike what you think, the majority and very tolerant and very accepting of gay people, almost on the bay area level. It's just you telling yourself because you lack confidence.

I have a wild suggestion but likely you wouldn't do it but I'll suggest it anyway for down the road when you might get the opportunity. You should one day go to this place:

http://queen.fr/

Accept who you are, go try to meet people and have some fun. You desire companionship. I'm sure you'll have guys come up to you. It's a fun and quite beautiful, classy gay club. I went with my girlfriend at the time on a ladies night and I'm telling you, it's basically a gay person's dream. Even if you end up having the most unsuccessful evening ever, you'll realize there's nothing wrong with being gay because you'll be surrounded by gay people. Quite gorgeous people might I add, simply looking is worth the price of admission. You are quite a good looking guy who would get attention there. That says a lot about how you undervalue yourself.
Well, thank you. I spent a year in Paris but have not been there for a long time now. My problem is that I probably wouldn't feel very comfortable around people who make such a big dead about their sexuality. I feel repulsed by the "I'm gay, I'm happy" approach. As if being gay somehow defined you as a person. I don't want to base my life on gayness. I don't want to give my sexuality a greater importance than it has.
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post #5 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 05:57 AM
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Why do I think of sex all the time?

Sounds like Pure OCD that's the name of it. I was just researching it last night.
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post #6 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 05:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Octavius View Post
Well, thank you. I spent a year in Paris but have been there for a long time now. My problem is that I probably wouldn't feel very comfortable around people who make such a big dead about their sexuality. I feel repulsed by the "I'm gay, I'm happy" approach. As if being gay somehow defined you as a person. I don't want to base my life on gayness. I don't want to give my sexuality a greater importance than it has.
The only reason they have places like this so like-minded people can gather. Sure some have a lot of pride about being gay but others are more down to earth about it. In the end it's all about meeting people with common interests. Just like how someone can attend a concert, salsa dancing, a rave whatever. It's just a scene that gives you a chance to put yourself out there. In a world that's miserable as hell, there's nothing wrong with trying to find love.

From the land of the midnight sun
where ice blue roses grow
'long those roads of gold and silver snow
Howlin' wide or moanin low
So many roads I know
So many roads to ease my soul
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post #7 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 06:16 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Brightpaperwarewolf View Post
The only reason they have places like this so like-minded people can gather. Sure some have a lot of pride about being gay but others are more down to earth about it. In the end it's all about meeting people with common interests. Just like how someone can attend a concert, salsa dancing, a rave whatever. It's just a scene that gives you a chance to put yourself out there. In a world that's miserable as hell, there's nothing wrong with trying to find love.
Well, thank you. But, you know, the simple fact that someone's gay doesn't mean we have common intrests. I'm a very introverted person and don't like to be surrounded by those terribly open up people who make sure that everyone knows they're gay. It's just not my style. I know that I probably won't ever find a partner. Just because I'm this different.
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post #8 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 06:33 AM
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I wish I was asexual.
That makes two of us. I probably actually am, come to think of it. xD
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post #9 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 08:41 AM
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I always think about sex too its pisses my gf off. Shes tired of waking up 3 in the morning and im dry humping her leg

I suffered and my scars run deep
I stay to myself, one deep
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post #10 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 09:01 AM
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It's a biological urge. Don't beat yourself up over it.
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post #11 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 10:06 AM
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Same here, just use my hand.........

IF only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you MEET;
HOW important you can be to people you may never even dream OF.
THERE is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another PERSON.

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post #12 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 10:11 AM
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Ever thought of trying a fleshlight. My cousin Chris has one and he swears by it, according to the packaging it's just like the real thing but in rubber sleeve form.
Ive heard of it, but i don't have thee money for it......

IF only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you MEET;
HOW important you can be to people you may never even dream OF.
THERE is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another PERSON.

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post #13 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 10:31 AM
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Ever since I've started following my own advice in this thread:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...99-post14.html

I've been going crazy thinking about it. By the third day or so I feel like I'm going to explode. I've had to block access to all pr0n because it's just to tempting. I'll be sitting there working on some computer code or something and I'll just start thinking about it and I can't focus on anything else, lol. It's not just waking life. I've been waking up after some pretty vivid dreams lately.

On the plus side I do think I've been more talkative with the girl I sit next to in class so maybe there's still hope for me. sigh...
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post #14 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 04:16 AM
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Why do I think of sex all the time?

Look, the reason why a lot of gay people seem to live the whole "gay equals happy" sentiment is because when you live in a world where you're a minority, yeah, it's nice to feel like you're part of a community. Frankly, many gay people come from backgrounds that shun who they are or they are trying hard to accept themselves. Being gay shouldn't define who you are, unless you want to become some activist or make a career out of it, it is only a part of who you are.

If you're thinking about sex all the time, and need that fulfilled there's plenty of ways to get that through the Internet. Personals, hookup sites, etc.

Best thing you can do is put your prejudices aside, get out there and have fun. If people want to embrace there gayness openly, let them be, if not, that's fine to. But if you continue to make such judgements you're missing out on a lot of fun.
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post #15 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 07:50 AM
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You are just being a human
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post #16 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 08:43 AM
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You're just being a guy, a gay one at that. I'm not saying that gay guys are more promiscuous, but there is proof that a lot(not all) gay men have a higher sex drive. Didn't you say a while ago that you were planning to meet up with a guy? what happened to that?

"Humanity ain't all it's cracked up to be, bub!"

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post #17 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 08:50 AM Thread Starter
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Look, the reason why a lot of gay people seem to live the whole "gay equals happy" sentiment is because when you live in a world where you're a minority, yeah, it's nice to feel like you're part of a community. Frankly, many gay people come from backgrounds that shun who they are or they are trying hard to accept themselves. Being gay shouldn't define who you are, unless you want to become some activist or make a career out of it, it is only a part of who you are.

If you're thinking about sex all the time, and need that fulfilled there's plenty of ways to get that through the Internet. Personals, hookup sites, etc.

Best thing you can do is put your prejudices aside, get out there and have fun. If people want to embrace there gayness openly, let them be, if not, that's fine to. But if you continue to make such judgements you're missing out on a lot of fun.
Thank you for that view. I don't judge anyone. I just wouldn't feel comfortable around certain gay people. You're right - I'm not a very cool person, I'm very serious. But that's the way things are. Not all gays have to live their being gay the same way. Quite the contrary. Being gay doesn't define you. It only defines your sexual preferences. I admit that other views are possible - some gay people seem to believe that their being gay determines every aspect of their lives and makes them totally different people compared to heterosexuals. I do not share this view and think it's wrong. I am a human in the first place. My sexual preference is only one of my personal attributes and a very intimate one.

By the way, I have a gay colleague more or less my age. We know about each other and he treats me really poorly. I'm not in his mailing list, I don't get invites from him, when we meet in the elevator he looks as if he was bored to death and immediately starts checking his cell phone or black berry and completely ignores my presence. Just to say that the fact that we are both gay doesn't seem to mean anything at all and doesn't prevent him from treating much worse than he treats other colleagues (I guess he simply doesn't appreciate my introverted personality).

When it comes to sex, I have several issues. The main one is that I don't want to do what gay guys usually do (the A thing). I think it pretty much disqualifies me.

I don't really want to have fun. Fun has never been a value to me. Another reason why I will probably never find a partner. I just don't understand what people find so pleasurable about "fun". For me, what most people call "fun" is a useless waste of time.
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post #18 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
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You're just being a guy, a gay one at that. I'm not saying that gay guys are more promiscuous, but there is proof that a lot(not all) gay men have a higher sex drive. Didn't you say a while ago that you were planning to meet up with a guy? what happened to that?
Well, it didn't happen, naturally. And I'm glad it didn't. I would have regretted for sure. My first time and with a stranger? I would have felt so miserable.
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post #19 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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... Geez Octavius. I mean it's one thing to think of sex all the time.. But then you post it!? That's so selfish of you to say that, and then you're not even inviting us!

I am appalled sir. We need to get the sas orgy started right now!
OMG. I'm afraid this thread is going to be locked soon...
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post #20 of 67 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 09:01 AM
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Perhaps you are homosexual. Nothing wrong with it. Or maybe you are bisexual, which would be the idea solution because the entire world would be your dating pool.
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