Social Anxiety Support

Fuzzy Logic · 09-17-2009, 04:26 AM

I know I need to communicate more if I am to beat SA, but the problem is that I feel little motivation to engage in most conversations. Most of them seem so inane and tedius, talking about shopping and other humdrum stuff and I find totally dull. I suppose that is what is known as 'small talk', but I have always found it mind numbing. Perhaps that's why I find it so hard to relate with people? Even amongst my own family, people who I can trust and talk wirh easily, I find myself being silent anyway because what they are talking about does not interest me in the slightest.

Perhaps normal people find it as boring as I do but just participate anyway because it's the only way to have any kind of social life? Maybe I'm just being lazy and not putting the effort in...

Dempsey · 09-17-2009, 04:29 AM

It becomes more enjoyable when you get used to it. At first you have to put in a lot of effort, which makes simple conversations seem like big deals. If you keep it up it becomes more natural, and those boring, meaningless conversations just sort of become second-nature, but enjoyable.

I don't know about other people but I find small talk is good for occupying the mind.

mind_games · 09-17-2009, 05:33 AM

Quote:

Why are most conversations so boring?

Because you don't enjoy the company of the people you're talking with or don't feel comfortable with them. If you really liked these people you could talk about the most boring/dummest/silliest **** forever. At least thats the case with me.

steelmyhead · 09-17-2009, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mind_games

Because you don't enjoy the company of the people you're talking with or don't feel comfortable with them. If you really liked these people you could talk about the most boring/dummest/silliest **** forever. At least thats the case with me.

i wish i had someone like that. you're lucky

odicepaul · 09-17-2009, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steelmyhead

i wish i had someone like that. you're lucky

I think the trick might be to block out the self-analyzing monster in your head while attempting to participate in the conversations. I really don't know though because I haven't had a meaningful conversation in a number of months now.

mind_games · 09-17-2009, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mind_games

Because you don't enjoy the company of the people you're talking with or don't feel comfortable with them. If you really liked these people you could talk about the most boring/dummest/silliest **** forever. At least thats the case with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by steelmyhead

i wish i had someone like that. you're lucky

Oh I don't have someone like that now. I did around March-April-ish. Not anymore

.

Still Waters · 09-17-2009, 07:43 AM

I think it's about learning that if you really make the effort,you can find something interesting about almost anyone. Maybe you find that you really admire how dedicated they are to their family and how hard they work to support them. Perhaps,it's an area of knowledge that's unique and if you tried you could appreciate their view of it. I think you have to put forth more effort in finding that little nugget of interest. People aren't like TV's you can adjust to find exactly what would perfectly interest and entertain you.

anomal2 · 09-17-2009, 07:50 AM

You're not boring. But let's face a fact: boring people have boring conversations. But you can be the most fascinating conversationalist ever. Don't believe me? I used to be boring too. Until I learned the conversational tricks of Hollywood screenwriters: use loads of profanity, sex and gratuitous violence. Your conversations will become so interesting you'll become illegal to talk to.

epril · 09-17-2009, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dempsey

It becomes more enjoyable when you get used to it. At first you have to put in a lot of effort, which makes simple conversations seem like big deals. If you keep it up it becomes more natural, and those boring, meaningless conversations just sort of become second-nature, but enjoyable.

I don't know about other people but I find small talk is good for occupying the mind.

Most of the small talk I partake in is consciously forced by me to appear normal and to practice my fledgling skills. It's a chore 80% of the time, but I have hope that eventually it will seem fun!

lesigh · 09-17-2009, 02:30 PM

I feel the same way and thought about it for a while.

I tend to have better conversations with people I don't know anything about, because I go into the conversation with the premise that I don't know them and can ask them a lot of questions. The resulting conversation may not be Hollywood-worthy entertainment, but at the very least what they say will be news to me since I didn't know before.

When it comes to people I do know about (like people I hear about from other people, or people who keep blogs or have Facebook/Twitter), I feel like there's not much to talk about because they already share everything in some other way. I have no idea how to maintain a conversation with those people for longer than a few sentences. I guess it would help to remind myself that I don't know everything about the person, even though they narrate their life via 5 separate web sites.

09-17-2009, 04:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
Fuzzy Logic Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: United Kingdom, Northern Ireland Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 654	Why are most conversations so boring? I know I need to communicate more if I am to beat SA, but the problem is that I feel little motivation to engage in most conversations. Most of them seem so inane and tedius, talking about shopping and other humdrum stuff and I find totally dull. I suppose that is what is known as 'small talk', but I have always found it mind numbing. Perhaps that's why I find it so hard to relate with people? Even amongst my own family, people who I can trust and talk wirh easily, I find myself being silent anyway because what they are talking about does not interest me in the slightest. Perhaps normal people find it as boring as I do but just participate anyway because it's the only way to have any kind of social life? Maybe I'm just being lazy and not putting the effort in...

09-17-2009, 07:43 AM	#7 (permalink)
Still Waters Status: Little Winged One Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: A very fragile niche Gender: Female Posts: 5,402	I think it's about learning that if you really make the effort,you can find something interesting about almost anyone. Maybe you find that you really admire how dedicated they are to their family and how hard they work to support them. Perhaps,it's an area of knowledge that's unique and if you tried you could appreciate their view of it. I think you have to put forth more effort in finding that little nugget of interest. People aren't like TV's you can adjust to find exactly what would perfectly interest and entertain you. __________________ "Oh Mrs. Dalloway,always giving parties to cover the silence." The Hours "Never try to appear to be more than you are but always try to be more than you appear."

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09-17-2009, 04:29 AM	#2 (permalink)
Dempsey Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Sydney Australia Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 1,048	It becomes more enjoyable when you get used to it. At first you have to put in a lot of effort, which makes simple conversations seem like big deals. If you keep it up it becomes more natural, and those boring, meaningless conversations just sort of become second-nature, but enjoyable. I don't know about other people but I find small talk is good for occupying the mind.

09-17-2009, 07:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
anomal2 Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 27	You're not boring. But let's face a fact: boring people have boring conversations. But you can be the most fascinating conversationalist ever. Don't believe me? I used to be boring too. Until I learned the conversational tricks of Hollywood screenwriters: use loads of profanity, sex and gratuitous violence. Your conversations will become so interesting you'll become illegal to talk to.

09-17-2009, 02:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
lesigh Status: Long Lost Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: California Gender: Male Posts: 100	I feel the same way and thought about it for a while. I tend to have better conversations with people I don't know anything about, because I go into the conversation with the premise that I don't know them and can ask them a lot of questions. The resulting conversation may not be Hollywood-worthy entertainment, but at the very least what they say will be news to me since I didn't know before. When it comes to people I do know about (like people I hear about from other people, or people who keep blogs or have Facebook/Twitter), I feel like there's not much to talk about because they already share everything in some other way. I have no idea how to maintain a conversation with those people for longer than a few sentences. I guess it would help to remind myself that I don't know everything about the person, even though they narrate their life via 5 separate web sites.