who do u blame for ur sa? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:05 AM Thread Starter
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who do u blame for ur sa?

I blame my parents and myelf sometimes...
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:11 AM
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:21 AM
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Personally speaking, I feel there's multiple reasons behind my Social Anxiety.

Stemming back to childhood, having few friends and plenty of people making jokes about me probably started it all off. Being a quiet, plaid person by nature, I was an easy target. This continued on into my teens when I started to realise I had more than just shyness. The insults, jokes, ignorance and stigmas started to increase. Particularly when I got to around 15 or 16.

As each and every one of my friends started to disappear from my life, I started to become upset. The few that stuck around started to seriously insult me, push me beyond my limits and this is where I started to develop trust issues with people. Something that to this day still exists regardless of who I meet.

With no friends left, I basically become a near-hermit in my early 20's. Seeing them all materialise progressions whilst I remained standing still by still doing the same hard work they were doing. This is what led to several spells of diagnosed depression for me. Regardless of this, I was still being ignored or the few times I wasn't being blamed for literally anything.

Whatever you do, don't fall into the usual trap of allowing doctors to make you believe that absolutely everything is your fault. This is why I no longer seek any professional help as they're unwilling to listen to some perfectly valid points.

Yes, I'm a placid person. Yes, many people tell me to 'toughen up'. Yes, I need to fight back (which I do in my posts and in my blogs). This just isn't in my nature. I'm not a bad person. I'm not cold person, but I'm always treated this way as social anxiety remains a condition that's still very much misunderstood. All I've ever been is kind to others, but I'm treated like dirt in return. Others simply don't realise they've very much contributed to my problems.

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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:24 AM
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I blame my parents. Especially my father.
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:24 AM
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No one!

I used to blame my mom as a teenager, for smothering me to death, but

no one. It's no one's fault at the end of the day I can pretty much promise, though some may argue me on that. I don't even blame my bullies though, personally.

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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:27 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayman View Post
Personally speaking, I feel there's multiple reasons behind my Social Anxiety.

Stemming back to childhood, having few friends and plenty of people making jokes about me probably started it all off. Being a quiet, plaid person by nature, I was an easy target. This continued on into my teens when I started to realise I had more than just shyness. The insults, jokes, ignorance and stigmas started to increase. Particularly when I got to around 15 or 16.

As each and every one of my friends started to disappear from my life, I started to become upset. The few that stuck around started to seriously insult me, push me beyond my limits and this is where I started to develop trust issues with people. Something that to this day still exists regardless of who I meet.

With no friends left, I basically become a near-hermit in my early 20's. Seeing them all materialise progressions whilst I remained standing still by still doing the same hard work they were doing. This is what led to several spells of diagnosed depression for me. Regardless of this, I was still being ignored or the few times I wasn't being blamed for literally anything.

Whatever you do, don't fall into the usual trap of allowing doctors to make you believe that absolutely everything is your fault. This is why I no longer seek any professional help as they're unwilling to listen to some perfectly valid points.

Yes, I'm a placid person. Yes, many people tell me to 'toughen up'. Yes, I need to fight back (which I do in my posts and in my blogs). This just isn't in my nature. I'm not a bad person. I'm not cold person, but I'm always treated this way as social anxiety remains a condition that's still very much misunderstood. All I've ever been is kind to others, but I'm treated like dirt in return. Others simply don't realise they've very much contributed to my problems.
i relate to almost everything u said
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:34 AM
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You and your parents.

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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:35 AM
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I guess I tend to blame my parents' religion because it always made me feel like such a failure and an outcast. But a lot of that is misplaced. Ultimately the fault is my own for always retreating and avoiding and submitting.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:44 AM
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My temperament seems to predispose me to avoid people. I remember as a six year old wandering off into the corner of the field to play alone. I don't remember feeling anxiety, but I don't really think I was all that aware of my feelings at such a young age, so who knows, maybe I was feeling anxious.

In middle school, after bouncing between schools, I found I was highly anxious going into a new environment, and didn't adapt (or try to adapt- I chose to avoid interacting 9 times out of 10). If I had been forced to adapt, maybe I would have, but my parents let me switch back to my first school, because I said I missed my friends. That was a mistake. Going back only made me feel more conspicuous, because I realized other kids must wonder why I came back. This was exacerbated by a boy I had had a crush on (who my friends/sister told before I left for the other school -_- against my wishes) making fun of me, mostly for being ugly. As a girl, yea, that ****ed me up. Then I watched my friends turn away from me once they realized I was a social toxin to their reputation. Some did not to their credit, but regardless, this led to trust issues realizing people will dispose of you when it suits them for superficial reasons.

Next I repeated my mistake, transferring to a new high school, and then returning to old friends. Of course this did not help, but the repercussions were less severe. I got by being my meek self. I was awkward, but I had friends.

I made an enemy out of one of my friends during a long episode of depression in my early twenties which made me a very disagreeable person at times. I took my hurt out on the one person left in my social circle, and our friendship degenerated to nonexistence.

After writing this down, I realize I really need to venture out, and let myself live in my anxiety. I did that a little in my mid-to-late twenties and I've made new friends. I even have a boyfriend now. However, I can tell I am becoming dependent on him, and I need to challenge myself. Cheers to new challenges. May god have mercy on my meek little self lol.
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Tetragammon View Post
I guess I tend to blame my parents' religion because it always made me feel like such a failure and an outcast. But a lot of that is misplaced. Ultimately the fault is my own for always retreating and avoiding and submitting.
I could say the same thing. I can continue to hold a grudge against my parents for forcing me to believe in what they did and for witnessing my father emotionally abuse my brother to the point of having him develop PTSD. Ultimately though, it is more of my own fault for not resisting and sticking up for myself. It is my fault that I chose to initially react the way that I did. I don't necessarily think that my reactions to unfortunate events were wrong at the time because I was young and my judgment was still relatively poor in comparison to now. But now that I'm technically considered an adult, I need to act like one. And that includes taking responsibility for my actions and relying on myself to solve problems that I need to face regardless of whether or not they were caused by another person. I'm beginning to realize that being an adult means having to deal with problems without expecting help from others. I can no longer rely on mom and dad to fix my problems. I know they'll always be there to give me an extra push if I'm caught in a desperate struggle like asking for a bit of money, but minor struggles I face regularly can be solved just by googling it nowadays.
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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:53 AM
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My former classmates and my parents
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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:08 AM
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Most of my life I blamed myself. I've since learned that placing blame for my SA on myself or anyone else serves no point. It just gets in the way of moving forward. Self forgiveness isn't easy, and I struggle quite a bit with it.
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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:14 AM
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Myself and my genes (both my dad and grandfather had SA too)

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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:24 AM
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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:25 AM
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No one is to blame at this point in my journey lol. I used to blame and hate my mom so much. She was cruel, critical, neglectful you name it. So yea my SA started with her. However, trauma is passed on when not dealt with. My mom legitmately didn't know better and couldn't do better. My mom never felt loved and was never close to her mom. She couldn't love me. She took out all her insecurities on me just like she learned from her mom. She and all her siblings have issues because of their trauma and how they were raised by my grandparents (their mom and dad.) And wouldn't you guess it. My grandparents have issues b/c of the trauma they were raised in. (alcoholism, dv, sexual assults, neglect, hypercriticism the gamut.) And so it goes.

Thankfully it stops with me and my sister (she doesn't have SA but her trauma has expressed in other ways) since we're both actively getting help in dealing with our issues. When she has kids they won't grow up with unresolved trauma. If i have kids, they won't grow up with unresolved trauma repeating itself. So it ends with us.

I know he's just a menace, but I love him! Sure, he smashes cities, but I love him!
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 05:42 AM
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I am the cause but no one is to blame.

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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 06:03 AM
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No one is to blame at this point in my journey lol. I used to blame and hate my mom so much. She was cruel, critical, neglectful you name it. So yea my SA started with her. However, trauma is passed on when not dealt with. My mom legitmately didn't know better and couldn't do better. My mom never felt loved and was never close to her mom. She couldn't love me. She took out all her insecurities on me just like she learned from her mom. She and all her siblings have issues because of their trauma and how they were raised by my grandparents (their mom and dad.) And wouldn't you guess it. My grandparents have issues b/c of the trauma they were raised in. (alcoholism, dv, sexual assults, neglect, hypercriticism the gamut.) And so it goes.

Thankfully it stops with me and my sister (she doesn't have SA but her trauma has expressed in other ways) since we're both actively getting help in dealing with our issues. When she has kids they won't grow up with unresolved trauma. If i have kids, they won't grow up with unresolved trauma repeating itself. So it ends with us.
Thats so awful :/ at least it stops.

As for me, i was homeschooled by my parents so...
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 06:10 AM
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absolutely no one. others contributed but i've been this way since i can remember.
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 06:11 AM
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You and your parents.
hehe

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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 06:23 AM
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Well... I guess it's my own fault. But my parents give me serious anxiety. I'm from generations of families with addictions and shyness apparently. O lord, thank yee o might ee.
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