Social Anxiety Support

Ununderstood · 10-18-2010, 10:56 PM

I got an experience to share that happened this past weekend. I went to a different city with some acquaintances to supposedly "party" and have a good time. It was me and 4 other dudes in a vehicle and then 4 other girls in another vehicle who where going with us. 1 Girl was one of my friends girlfriend and another girl was his sister. That left two girls that I could talk to and chat up with since we where going to spend the weekend together.

Friday was okay we arrived and we met up with my best friend and there was some people there and we started drinking. We ended up going to a club and I had a decent time even though I was too shy to talk with those two girls I had mentioned or to any girl for that matter.

Saturday came around and it was torture. My social anxiety and depression was killing me. I didn't say more than a few words the whole day and one of my acquaintances told me that he hadn't heard me talk the whole two days and that I should talk more. He said this loudly and everyone heard as we where all walking together. That night we went to a party with some folks everyone knew BUT me and I felt completely out of place. I felt like a complete outcast and I was dreading every second I stood there looking like an idiot while everyone else was in party mode dancing and singing.

Everyone gave me their back, nobody bothered to talk to me and I guess my demeanor was the main culprit but I just couldn't help it. Girls looked at me weird and the guys there probably thought I was gay or something. I ended up asking for an acquaintance to open his truck up so I could sit inside cause I was extremely sleepy (which was a lie). So there I sat at 3 am, like a loser alone in a truck while everyone else was hooking up and having a good time. When we got back to the place we where staying at I got told I looked like an emo just standing there and everyone had a good laugh. I know it was in good nature but it made me feel like crap even more.

When will I learn to stop trying and learn to accept I am just too socially awkward and inept to do these kinds of things? I just keep letting myself down every single time. Not even alcohol can help me anymore, I am screwed. That's the last time I am going out.

the cheat · 10-18-2010, 11:00 PM

I've done the "sit in a car while everyone is inside partying" thing a few times. I stopped accepting invitations, and stopped allowing myself to be in a situation where I couldn't say no to attending the party.
It sucks...I wish I had something more positive to say.
You gotta think though, maybe they didn't see you being quiet as the big deal that you did.
I say that because most people wouldn't make a comment like that guy made to you, if they thought of it in a mean type of way. When people think badly about someone else, they generally talk about it when they aren't around, not to their face...so maybe he was just trying to get you to talk through responding to that comment, and wasn't exactly trying to make fun of you.

hickorysmoked · 10-18-2010, 11:07 PM

Man honestly... give yourself credit for even going. Many people wouldn't have even gone on a trip like that, but you had the balls to go. Its in the past so just try to move on from it. Don't look at anything as a mistake, but an experience. See what you can do to control this thing. Positive self talk, breathing control, distractions... see what you can do man. You have already made it so far as to go... don't give up now!

maclasch · 10-18-2010, 11:11 PM

I've definitely had times like that. You have my sympathies.

I hope this doesn't discourage you from going out, however you should only surround yourself by good friends and not people who treat you like **** when you're around THEIR friends.

IccaBNedlog · 10-19-2010, 07:03 AM

I mean this sincerely, don't give up hope. You don't know where you might be in a few years from now, you could be in a much better place. You've got a long, uphill struggle but believe you can make it up there. Don't give up. I've been in such a situation you described many times, and worse, but better times did follow. You can do it on your own steam but having some help will be even more beneficial - seeing a counsellor or therapist might be a worthwhile venture.

tutliputli · 10-19-2010, 08:35 AM

Don't give up! Exposure is important and the more you do it, the easier things will get. But you do have to stick at it and do things (going out, socialising, whatever you find anxiety-inducing) regularly. It's very easy to slip back into feeling bad if you retreat for a few days and it's harder getting out there again.

10-18-2010, 10:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ununderstood Status: "Why So Serious?" Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Texas Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 909	When Will I learn?? I got an experience to share that happened this past weekend. I went to a different city with some acquaintances to supposedly "party" and have a good time. It was me and 4 other dudes in a vehicle and then 4 other girls in another vehicle who where going with us. 1 Girl was one of my friends girlfriend and another girl was his sister. That left two girls that I could talk to and chat up with since we where going to spend the weekend together. Friday was okay we arrived and we met up with my best friend and there was some people there and we started drinking. We ended up going to a club and I had a decent time even though I was too shy to talk with those two girls I had mentioned or to any girl for that matter. Saturday came around and it was torture. My social anxiety and depression was killing me. I didn't say more than a few words the whole day and one of my acquaintances told me that he hadn't heard me talk the whole two days and that I should talk more. He said this loudly and everyone heard as we where all walking together. That night we went to a party with some folks everyone knew BUT me and I felt completely out of place. I felt like a complete outcast and I was dreading every second I stood there looking like an idiot while everyone else was in party mode dancing and singing. Everyone gave me their back, nobody bothered to talk to me and I guess my demeanor was the main culprit but I just couldn't help it. Girls looked at me weird and the guys there probably thought I was gay or something. I ended up asking for an acquaintance to open his truck up so I could sit inside cause I was extremely sleepy (which was a lie). So there I sat at 3 am, like a loser alone in a truck while everyone else was hooking up and having a good time. When we got back to the place we where staying at I got told I looked like an emo just standing there and everyone had a good laugh. I know it was in good nature but it made me feel like crap even more. When will I learn to stop trying and learn to accept I am just too socially awkward and inept to do these kinds of things? I just keep letting myself down every single time. Not even alcohol can help me anymore, I am screwed. That's the last time I am going out. __________________ My memories of a corpse, Mind full of sick thoughts, And I ain't goin' back to court, So f**k what you thought, I'm drinkin' hennessey, runnin from my enemies, Will I live to be 23? There's so much pain. -Tupac

10-18-2010, 11:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
the cheat Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Canada Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 6,004	I've done the "sit in a car while everyone is inside partying" thing a few times. I stopped accepting invitations, and stopped allowing myself to be in a situation where I couldn't say no to attending the party. It sucks...I wish I had something more positive to say. You gotta think though, maybe they didn't see you being quiet as the big deal that you did. I say that because most people wouldn't make a comment like that guy made to you, if they thought of it in a mean type of way. When people think badly about someone else, they generally talk about it when they aren't around, not to their face...so maybe he was just trying to get you to talk through responding to that comment, and wasn't exactly trying to make fun of you. __________________ I could make you scared, if you want me to. I'm not prepared, but if I have to. I said, I can make you scared. It's kind of what I do. If you're prepared, here's what I propose to do... Twitter

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10-18-2010, 11:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
hickorysmoked Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Tampa, FL Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 550	Man honestly... give yourself credit for even going. Many people wouldn't have even gone on a trip like that, but you had the balls to go. Its in the past so just try to move on from it. Don't look at anything as a mistake, but an experience. See what you can do to control this thing. Positive self talk, breathing control, distractions... see what you can do man. You have already made it so far as to go... don't give up now!

10-18-2010, 11:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
maclasch Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: nunya Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 249	I've definitely had times like that. You have my sympathies. I hope this doesn't discourage you from going out, however you should only surround yourself by good friends and not people who treat you like **** when you're around THEIR friends.

10-19-2010, 07:03 AM	#5 (permalink)
IccaBNedlog Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 175	I mean this sincerely, don't give up hope. You don't know where you might be in a few years from now, you could be in a much better place. You've got a long, uphill struggle but believe you can make it up there. Don't give up. I've been in such a situation you described many times, and worse, but better times did follow. You can do it on your own steam but having some help will be even more beneficial - seeing a counsellor or therapist might be a worthwhile venture.

10-19-2010, 08:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
tutliputli Status: User Requested Permanent Ban Join Date: Feb 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 4,732	Don't give up! Exposure is important and the more you do it, the easier things will get. But you do have to stick at it and do things (going out, socialising, whatever you find anxiety-inducing) regularly. It's very easy to slip back into feeling bad if you retreat for a few days and it's harder getting out there again.