I'm so ****ing pissed off with being unemployed. I left school last May and spent the entire summer unemployed with no money before going to college. I went to college for two months and ended up dropping out because I "wasn't making friends" (even though I made two friends on the first day and had everyone from class on Facebook and they were all really nice to me, I was just a paranoid weirdo) then I had to claim Jobseekers off the government for two months before I got a job in a call centre. I only got the job because my friend worked there, and was considering dropping out of work after ONE DAY until I managed to convince five of my friends to get jobs there as well (they just opened up). I was supposed to go in without my friends one day and I couldn't do it because of my S.A. The company went bust after two weeks of me joining and then I've been back on Jobseekers since then, and that was February. I'm going to another college this August but i'm already dreading it incase I drop out again.
I've had TWO voluntary work positions GIVEN to me by a friend, and both times i've dropped out because my S.A couldn't handle it. I've had two job interviews that I chickened out of going to because my S.A was making me feel sick with nerves, and whenever i've had the chance to apply for a job (calling a company up about a vacancy, for example) i've been too scared to do it. The Job Centre are trying to put me on work experience placements and whenever they try and call me, I don't answer because I hate talking on phones and then I end up getting into trouble at the Job Centre for not answering! On top of that, my stepdad keeps *****ing to me and treating me like **** because i'm "scrounging" off my Mum and him, and I have no money to do anything for myself. I'm sick of staying at home all day on the laptop. I'm sick of everything. I can't go out and enjoy the sunshine this week because I have minor Marfan symptoms (extremely skinny limbs) and whenever I go out with a t-shirt and shorts on, people stare at me and of course, I take a ****ing S.A attack so I end up going out in the scorching heat with tracksuit bottoms on (two pairs, because I need to try and make my legs look a bit fatter) and a jumper on (to cover my arms up). I need a haircut but I'm too afraid to walk there because people drive past in their cars and i'm convinced they're always looking at me and laughing/commenting on my new hairstyle. I need to buy clothes but I hate buying clothes because I always think people are commenting on the clothes i'm buying. I've stopped going out with my friends now because they've started hanging around with two other people who are both really loud, immature and annoying and act really stupid and treat everyone else like crap, plus i've stopped going to 18th birthday parties because they make me really anxious and I have nobody to go with (plus I look ugly in the photos that always end up on Facebook) so i'm losing touch with so many people because everyone thinks i'm rude and don't want to see anyone when actually I'm just painfully shy and nervous.
Sorry for the rant, I just needed it off my chest. I ****ing HATE SA!!!!!
EDIT - oh, and i'm too shy/nervous/anxious/scared of booking driving lessons because the thought of sitting with a stranger and learning to drive terrifies me. Also, I'll never get a girlfriend because i'm ugly as **** and have some marfan syndrome features.