Social Anxiety Support

saillias · 02-12-2009, 08:16 PM

Backstory: A local bank has a decent savings account I wanted so I decided to set up an account there. Luckily my sister works as a teller for the nearest branch and she got me an appointment to set up my account with a girl our own age (20ish range). According to her I'd prefer that. Whatever, I didn't care, I just wanted my new account.

So long story short I go in and meet this girl in her office and set things up fairly routinely. To me, it was just going through the motions. In my opinion, I said enough to pass as normal.

Then later that evening I'm at home watching T.V. and my mom gets off the phone with my sister. Apparently this girl told my sister "your brother is the shyest person I've ever met in my life" and "he didn't say anything".

Then of course I got the nice lecture from my mom which has been coming more frequently lately, "You need to start talking to people! You have to get over this shyness! dafkljsadfkdjagldandrew!!!!"

So yup. That's me. The shyest person an average bank worker lady has ever met in her life. Sweet man.

Karah876 · 02-12-2009, 08:24 PM

Strangely I had almost the same thing happen, just reverse genders! lol.
It was my brother who got me an appointment with a friend of his, and they told my brother that I was quite boring.
I don't know how I should have acted differently though, I was there to set up a bank account, give the information needed for said account and all of that stuff. I wasn't aware I was supposed to be 'interesting' or talkative about anything other than the bank stuff

saillias · 02-12-2009, 08:32 PM

...Really? Karah by any chance have you ever been eating Taco Bell in class when some guy asked you if the prof handed the midterms back last class, and you responded with a mouthfull of taco "snumunchidunnogarble"

Karah876 · 02-12-2009, 08:36 PM

ROFL, no it was KFC :P
That wasn't the exact conversation, but it was something similar, just as I had taken a nice bite of my chicken sandwich, and it was quite clear he wasn't about to wait around for me to gracefully chew first.
However, "snumunchidunnogarble" sounds about right for my reply haha.
Are you my long lost opposite gender twin?

saillias · 02-12-2009, 08:42 PM

KFC eh? Close enough for me, doppelganger.

Well this topic turned out unexpectedly well

Karah876 · 02-12-2009, 08:45 PM

Haha. I'm glad it turned out well for you, it's nice to know we aren't alone, and can be strangely similar in some ways

saillias · 02-12-2009, 08:56 PM

Yeah I didn't see that coming. I thought the dumb situations I find myself in were pretty unique.

Back to the bank story again. The thing is we discussed moving all my accounts over from the old bank to this one, and I was supposed to get all my statements and then call to make another appointment. I suppose I get to meet this girl again with the knowledge she thinks I'm a shy weirdo. I'm petty and hold grudges so knowing myself I will probably be rude the whole time. I'm not good at keeping my emotions hidden from my face/body language.

Karah876 · 02-12-2009, 09:08 PM

Eww that's a horrible situation to be in (for me anyway) I too have a hard time forgetting things, it stays in my mind and really gets to me. The only advice I can give is to keep reminding yourself it's impossible to be there forever, and you have to leave at some point. It's what I keep telling myself when I have to do... well anything these days lol.

beaches09 · 02-12-2009, 09:21 PM

You know. I hear what you are saying, but check this out. As far as the girl is concerned, just because you supposedly didn't say much that doesn't make you shy. That makes you not interested or otherwise occupied in your mind with other and more important things than talking to a random girl who isn't your friend in the first place.

You know what I'm saying? It doesn't matter what the real reasons are, it doesn't matter is she's hot, or not, if you like her, or if you don't, if you were being shy or if you were not. That's the beauty of people not being able to read our minds. As far as she should be concerned maybe you just had better things on your mind than wasting your time flirting with some girl. You know?

What do you think about that? So now since you are going back, if you went in with this mindset and somewhere made that aware to her without being rude whatsoever of course, that would take you off the hook completely for her opinion of your supposed shyness. Just be like "I am a very busy guy and have important things on my mind". You can come up with stuff and take perceptions that people have of you and you can twist them and throw it back at them.

S.T.A.T. · 02-12-2009, 10:02 PM

How does facebook figure into this whole story?

What is the honesty box?

Did that girl enter your name in search and looked through your profile?

anyways...yea when people say "don't be shy" is really annoying!

shyvr6 · 02-12-2009, 10:50 PM

I didn't realize you had to make great conversations when you set up an account with a bank teller? I wouldn't feel bad about it. If you already know that you're quiet, then she is just stating what you already know.

kitterbug · 02-13-2009, 04:15 PM

You know, I've gone through a similar situation. I moved to Ohio for a year to be with my, at the time, boyfriend. His family lived there. And he was close to his mom, sister, etc etc. So we spent time with them often enough. He and his family were an outgoing bunch. And i was certainly an oddball with my shyness. They thought i was "weird" and i guess his mom asked him if i even liked his family. She couldn't tell if i liked them because i didn't talk enough.

And then i'd get an ear full from him about how his family thought i didn't like them, and how i come off as weird and how i should talk more and blah blah blah. He said i was being rude!!! When he knew damn well i had social anxiety. It's like being shy made me a bad guy. Apparently they were all offended just because i was shy? So stupid!!! And soooo glad my bf now, has SA and understands. And when i meet his family, they probably wouldn't give me a hard time for not being a social butterfly.

People who aren't shy, just don't understand. And people who say "You should stop being so shy"... yeah... like it's THAT easy. And it's not like we're shy because we enjoy it!!

You're not alone.

saillias · 02-13-2009, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by S.T.A.T.

How does facebook figure into this whole story?

What is the honesty box?

Did that girl enter your name in search and looked through your profile?

anyways...yea when people say "don't be shy" is really annoying!

It's this application that you install and your friends write their innermost thoughts about you, the catch is it doesn't tell you who wrote what.

Hence why it relates to this story. I wouldn't install something like that because I don't need all my relatives and other people saying "hey you're kinda weird and shy and untalkative" ... and I certainly don't need to hear it from people I'm interacting with for things not even socially related like banks and customer service

mypasswordneverworks · 02-13-2009, 04:51 PM

I worked in banking and nearly all the workers are extroverted people lovers. they don't understand us

02-12-2009, 08:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
saillias Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Calgary, AB Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 311	...This is why I never installed an honesty box on Facebook Backstory: A local bank has a decent savings account I wanted so I decided to set up an account there. Luckily my sister works as a teller for the nearest branch and she got me an appointment to set up my account with a girl our own age (20ish range). According to her I'd prefer that. Whatever, I didn't care, I just wanted my new account. So long story short I go in and meet this girl in her office and set things up fairly routinely. To me, it was just going through the motions. In my opinion, I said enough to pass as normal. Then later that evening I'm at home watching T.V. and my mom gets off the phone with my sister. Apparently this girl told my sister "your brother is the shyest person I've ever met in my life" and "he didn't say anything". Then of course I got the nice lecture from my mom which has been coming more frequently lately, "You need to start talking to people! You have to get over this shyness! dafkljsadfkdjagldandrew!!!!" So yup. That's me. The shyest person an average bank worker lady has ever met in her life. Sweet man.

02-12-2009, 10:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
S.T.A.T. Status: I like to shoot jumpshots Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Seattle area, WA Gender: Male Posts: 244	How does facebook figure into this whole story? What is the honesty box? Did that girl enter your name in search and looked through your profile? anyways...yea when people say "don't be shy" is really annoying! __________________ S.T.A.T. = Standing Tall And Talented. FM is Far*east Movement http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Spi-WqDr0Lc

02-12-2009, 10:50 PM	#11 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere on a map. Gender: Male Age: 32 Posts: 11,952	I didn't realize you had to make great conversations when you set up an account with a bank teller? I wouldn't feel bad about it. If you already know that you're quiet, then she is just stating what you already know. __________________ Music

02-13-2009, 04:51 PM	#14 (permalink)
mypasswordneverworks Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: USA Gender: Female Posts: 256	I worked in banking and nearly all the workers are extroverted people lovers. they don't understand us __________________ "One's level of confidence is assumed to indicate their level of ability, but a high level of confidence can also be related to one's level of ignorance."

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02-12-2009, 08:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
Karah876 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Nova Scotia Gender: Female Posts: 13	Strangely I had almost the same thing happen, just reverse genders! lol. It was my brother who got me an appointment with a friend of his, and they told my brother that I was quite boring. I don't know how I should have acted differently though, I was there to set up a bank account, give the information needed for said account and all of that stuff. I wasn't aware I was supposed to be 'interesting' or talkative about anything other than the bank stuff

02-12-2009, 08:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
saillias Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Calgary, AB Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 311	...Really? Karah by any chance have you ever been eating Taco Bell in class when some guy asked you if the prof handed the midterms back last class, and you responded with a mouthfull of taco "snumunchidunnogarble"

02-12-2009, 08:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
Karah876 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Nova Scotia Gender: Female Posts: 13	ROFL, no it was KFC :P That wasn't the exact conversation, but it was something similar, just as I had taken a nice bite of my chicken sandwich, and it was quite clear he wasn't about to wait around for me to gracefully chew first. However, "snumunchidunnogarble" sounds about right for my reply haha. Are you my long lost opposite gender twin?

02-12-2009, 08:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
saillias Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Calgary, AB Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 311	KFC eh? Close enough for me, doppelganger. Well this topic turned out unexpectedly well

02-12-2009, 08:45 PM	#6 (permalink)
Karah876 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Nova Scotia Gender: Female Posts: 13	Haha. I'm glad it turned out well for you, it's nice to know we aren't alone, and can be strangely similar in some ways

02-12-2009, 08:56 PM	#7 (permalink)
saillias Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Calgary, AB Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 311	Yeah I didn't see that coming. I thought the dumb situations I find myself in were pretty unique. Back to the bank story again. The thing is we discussed moving all my accounts over from the old bank to this one, and I was supposed to get all my statements and then call to make another appointment. I suppose I get to meet this girl again with the knowledge she thinks I'm a shy weirdo. I'm petty and hold grudges so knowing myself I will probably be rude the whole time. I'm not good at keeping my emotions hidden from my face/body language.

02-12-2009, 09:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
Karah876 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Nova Scotia Gender: Female Posts: 13	Eww that's a horrible situation to be in (for me anyway) I too have a hard time forgetting things, it stays in my mind and really gets to me. The only advice I can give is to keep reminding yourself it's impossible to be there forever, and you have to leave at some point. It's what I keep telling myself when I have to do... well anything these days lol.

02-12-2009, 09:21 PM	#9 (permalink)
beaches09 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 327	You know. I hear what you are saying, but check this out. As far as the girl is concerned, just because you supposedly didn't say much that doesn't make you shy. That makes you not interested or otherwise occupied in your mind with other and more important things than talking to a random girl who isn't your friend in the first place. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't matter what the real reasons are, it doesn't matter is she's hot, or not, if you like her, or if you don't, if you were being shy or if you were not. That's the beauty of people not being able to read our minds. As far as she should be concerned maybe you just had better things on your mind than wasting your time flirting with some girl. You know? What do you think about that? So now since you are going back, if you went in with this mindset and somewhere made that aware to her without being rude whatsoever of course, that would take you off the hook completely for her opinion of your supposed shyness. Just be like "I am a very busy guy and have important things on my mind". You can come up with stuff and take perceptions that people have of you and you can twist them and throw it back at them.

02-13-2009, 04:15 PM	#12 (permalink)
kitterbug Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 203	You know, I've gone through a similar situation. I moved to Ohio for a year to be with my, at the time, boyfriend. His family lived there. And he was close to his mom, sister, etc etc. So we spent time with them often enough. He and his family were an outgoing bunch. And i was certainly an oddball with my shyness. They thought i was "weird" and i guess his mom asked him if i even liked his family. She couldn't tell if i liked them because i didn't talk enough. And then i'd get an ear full from him about how his family thought i didn't like them, and how i come off as weird and how i should talk more and blah blah blah. He said i was being rude!!! When he knew damn well i had social anxiety. It's like being shy made me a bad guy. Apparently they were all offended just because i was shy? So stupid!!! And soooo glad my bf now, has SA and understands. And when i meet his family, they probably wouldn't give me a hard time for not being a social butterfly. People who aren't shy, just don't understand. And people who say "You should stop being so shy"... yeah... like it's THAT easy. And it's not like we're shy because we enjoy it!! You're not alone.