The "I hate my life" rant

[Rufus]

I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to form some goals so that I can get a job, leave my childhood bedroom, finish my college degree. I just don't feel like it's worth it. I stopped taking my 200 mg dose of Zoloft because it started making me apathetic, but the apathy is back again.

I quit smoking yet again. God I hate being addicted to ****. I expect to be more positive once the three day physical withdrawal period is over. I'm feeling the post-nicotine sadness. Sad that all I have to look forward to is eating large portions of spaghetti and playing Halo with my little brother. Cigarettes (and caffeine) gave me something to do.

I can't have caffeine for a while. It'll give me extreme anxiety. I've found I'm super-sensitive to stimulants.

I've been going outside about once a day, to walk the family dog. And that really, really helps.

Thanksgiving is coming soon. I'm dreading having to talk about myself and what I've been up to lately when my family members ask. Actually, they probably won't ask because they've come to expect nothing from me.

I don't get why I have no motivation. I guess after so many failures, I figure, why bother anymore. I guess I'm still hopeless. Without hope. The negative thinking pattern reigns.

Anyway. I just thought writing this stuff out would help me put things in perspective. I need human contact, plain and simple. I don't usually make long posts. Here's a step in the right direction.

[Rufus]

I forgot to add that my girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. I was a little sad, but my emotions are so dulled, I didn't cry. I can't remember the last time I cried. In fact, she cried after telling me it was over, and I sat there and watched her. She really did mean a lot to me and I miss her.

I'm going to go for a walk. It's 6:30 AM and I didn't sleep at all tonight, as usual.

[ihateme]

I am new to the forum, but I can relate. I go through periods of time were I just feel like giving up and putting a gun to my head. I can't seem to ever do anything right. I dread these family events, a bunch of people who know that I am miserable failure and who laugh at my patheticness behind my back. I guess I provide them someone so that they can feel better about their own pathetic little lives.

[NightinGale]

I'm sorry sweetheart
What do you know of that would make you feel better?

For me it's keeping myself as busy as possible in social things--work, plays, going to every party I am ever invited to...going to just about anything I'm ever invited to...you never know when you're going to meet someone who'll change your life

[Jenikyula]

I feel for you. =(

Is there anyone at all you could hang out with? Someone your age maybe?

[ANCIENT]

Originally Posted by NightinGale

I'm sorry sweetheart
What do you know of that would make you feel better?

For me it's keeping myself as busy as possible in social things--work, plays, going to every party I am ever invited to...going to just about anything I'm ever invited to...you never know when you're going to meet someone who'll change your life

this is what i do and it sometomes works and sometimes it doesn't. but yeah. you should try and keep busy.

[BeNice]

Yeah, it's no fun. I have no idea what to do with my life. You aleady knew that, though...

I get to spend Thanksgiving alone here with the cats. I am alone here until the 27th. It already feels creepy for some reason. I should use this time to figure out what I'm going to do with myself, but I've had plenty of time to do that, as in over a month. I think I already have the answer down... nothing. Of course, you can't do that. You have to do something. That's the part that really sucks.

[Rufus]

Thanks for the responses, every body. My depression has lifted greatly. I'm in therapy, so I can stop wallowing in despair.

I've got the nicotine out of my system; I'm in the coughing up gunk phase now. Gross, isn't it.