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Old 01-15-2008, 02:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

It's 4AM and I am already awake for the day, but I don't want to be. However, I am too nervous to get back to sleep, so I might as well make a post about why that is.

Later on today (Tuesday, January 15th), I will meet my Public Speaking class for the first time, and despite what my coherent wording may imply, I think I am in fact quite close to having a nervous breakdown or maybe even a psychotic episode (and I'm not joking). I've been experiencing overwhelming blasts of thoughts and inner voices (voices of my own, voices from memories in the past where something socially bad happened to me, etc), and I fear that I'm going to lose whatever mental balance I've achieved over the past two years because of this one stupid class.

Yesterday, I spent about an hour in the office of one of my college's disability support specialists, and we got things in order for my accommodations to be emailed to all my teachers that afternoon. We also thought it would be best for me and the teacher of the Public Speaking class I am taking to have a meeting/conference in the presence of the DSS who was working with me. The thing is, we can't possibly have this conference until after my first Public Speaking class meets, so any "exit strategies" (or escape plans, really) that might be necessary for me in the event that my SA escalate into a full-blown panic attack will not be discussed until after our first class meeting. The teacher will have gotten the email concerning my accommodations (which basically bar me from having to participate in a class such as this one that is devoted to everything that contributes to my SA, hence the need for a conference with me and the teacher of the class so we can both understand and handle the situation as best as we can), but I do not know how she will respond during class without our having had the conference yet. It's all to be kept strictly confidential, so she can't breathe a word of any of it during class, but I'm wondering how things are going to pan out.

I know it's probably not the best choice, but as you can see in my signature, I have access to plenty of Xanax. I imagine it will come down to me taking one or two day's worth of Xanax tomorrow before class. But I can't do that twice a week until May.

If I have the reaction I foresee myself having during our first class meeting, then I really do not know what will happen. If I have a panic attack in there on the first day, I'm pretty sure I can kiss my half-*** mental stability goodbye and then quickly drown back down into that pit of hopelessness where the anxiety is so bad that I just want to die.

Why is this stupid class required for everyone?

Yours,
The psycho pile of panic formerly known as Korey
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Old 01-15-2008, 03:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

Korey: I've had great success with Inderal (the generic is propanolol). I have a tremendous fear of public speaking, but it's helped me. It's a beta blocker and as such prevents the runaway anxiety symptoms that our fear prompts in us. Many celebrities use it for stage fright or performance anxiety.

Used properly it has no side effects that I've experienced other than a somewhat diminished capacity for vigorous exercise.

I've found doctors very willing to prescribe it.

Good luck friend
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Old 01-15-2008, 04:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by FillyPhile
Korey: I've had great success with Inderal (the generic is propanolol). I have a tremendous fear of public speaking, but it's helped me. It's a beta blocker and as such prevents the runaway anxiety symptoms that our fear prompts in us. Many celebrities use it for stage fright or performance anxiety.

Used properly it has no side effects that I've experienced other than a somewhat diminished capacity for vigorous exercise.

I've found doctors very willing to prescribe it.

Good luck friend
On my last psychiatric appointment, I requested Inderal 40mg as needed specifically for this class I'm taking, but he saw it as an attempt for another pill to hide behind, so he told me to continue taking my Xanax as needed or possibly even a little more than I'm prescribed if necessary. The thing about that is Xanax's physical calming qualities don't kick in for a little while, and it is usually the sleepy sort of physical calming, not the blood pressure cap that beta blockers are known for. It really surprised me that he denied my request for a simple beta blocker. It also made me a little pissed, but that's life, I guess.

I will most likely take a rather large dose of Xanax (4mg or more in a single dose) along with my noon dose of Adderall (it has a weird way of making social inhibitions go away for a while) half an hour before the class begins. At any rate, I will probably call my psychiatrist sometime today and ask (beg, plead) that he reconsider prescribing the Inderal for me.
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Old 01-15-2008, 05:57 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

I've gotten Inderal both from a shrink and now from my family doctor. I've used 20 mg (sometimes 40 mg) on an as-needed basis for many years. Have you tried asking your regular doctor? Mine is very understanding.

As for the wait for Xanax to kick in, try it under your tongue. It's very bitter, but the effect is almost immediate. BTW, don't try that with Inderal, it will make your tongue numb!

Again, good luck. I understand what you're going through.
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Old 01-15-2008, 07:58 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

I feel ya..having to take a speech class is one of my worst fears..I'm looking at universities right now to transfer to and even if i really like one of them, if they require a speech class I will quickly move on to another. Props to you for going on though, I probably would drop out if I was in the same situation. Good luck!!
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:13 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

I don't blame you. I hated those kind of classes. I didn't have access for meds so my performance was lousy due to the anxiety. I was lucky to get a C in them. I don't think you are Psychotic. It sounds you suffer from Post Traumatic syndrome from stuff that happened to you in the past. You said you are hearing your own voice. People with psychosis I believe here other voices then there own. But I never been Psychotic so I don't really know. I am just going by what I know from working in the Mental Health Field since my early twenties.
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Old 01-15-2008, 03:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

Thank you for your words, everyone. As for asking a regular family doctor for Inderal, I would not want to go behind my psychiatrist's back like that. It would put a dent in our doctor-patient relationship, probably, which would not be a good thing.

The DSS fella who's been helping me with all this accommodations stuff got an appointment set up today with me, the speech teacher, him (the specialist), and another person from the DSS department. It was at 12 noon, which was 30 minutes before our speech class was supposed to start. We all discussed some ideas of different ways to minimize the anxiety felt on me. The teacher herself even said that when she first enrolled in speech class in her college years, she immediately withdrew from it out of fear (and now she's teaching speech, ha).

Anyway, I got through today okay, but I must have consumed at least 10mg of Xanax since I woke up so early this morning. I even discussed the Xanax with the teacher for a bit just to let her know that I will almost certainly be taking it every single class meeting. She was fine with it - in fact, she was pretty adamant about how she wanted to help and accommodate for me as much as possible (that's what this whole thing is about, really).

Overall, I think my first day of public speaking 1113 went okay. The only public speaking that we did was a quick go-around-the-room introduction thing, which we sort of planned behind the scenes (it was decided that sitting first in the row closest to the door would allow me the best exit should I need to; plus, being called on to introduce yourself first is the easiest one to do because you don't have to die of anxious anticipation). Thursday is going to be strange, though. Each person will meet with two other people in the class, and eventually, everyone will have to introduce whoever they were assigned to meet to the class.

I'm still loopy from so much Xanax in my system. I'm gonna go take a nap.
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Old 01-16-2008, 07:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

I wouldn't call asking your GP for Inderal going behind your psychiatrist's back. Inderal is not a psychotropic drug nor is it dangerous or habit forming if used correctly. I'd call it none of my shrink's business, actually.

I'd worry more about taking so much Xanax.
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Old 01-16-2008, 08:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

To be honest, all of the family doctors around here would probably look at my list of medications and refuse to prescribe anything else for me because of either the "You're already on too much medication!" attitude, or the "I can't remember much about that chapter on beta blockers from my med school pharmacology textbook, so I'll just give a bull**** reason and say no...but still charge him a few hundred dollars anyway, of course" attitude. It's sad

I actually got up the nerve today to call my psychiatrist's office and asked the receptionist to give my psych a note asking him to give me a call after he finishes seeing all his patients for the day. When she asked what it was concerning, I got sorta weird and said "It's about something personal and I wouldn't feel comfortable saying it over the phone." The phone went silent for a second, and she said "O...kay" and then she hung up.

The truth of the matter was that I was going to ask my psych to call in a prescription for Inderal for me to a local pharmacy so I could have them for tomorrow's speech class. All that Xanax I took Tuesday was hardly enough to keep my mental anxiety in check, let alone my physical anxiety - and that was just the first day of class! Tomorrow, we're scheduled to do some stupid partner-up game where each person eventually introduces someone to the class, or something like that. I'll probably end up like Professor Klump in The Nutty Professor - with an upended bottle of M&M's pouring into my mouth as I cry (only my bottle will probably contain Xanax rather than M&M's).

I chickened out and turned my phone on silent before taking a nap earlier, and sure enough when I woke up, I had a missed call from his office on my cell phone. Maybe if he calls back tomorrow, I'll be in a braver state of mind
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Old 01-17-2008, 05:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

Well, my key chain pill holder is almost full to the rim with Xanax. The class starts at 12:30PM, and my class before it ends at 12:15PM, so I will probably have to either sneak some pills to myself during class to give them enough time to kick in, or maybe we'll be let out of that class early enough today so I can go take a handful of Xanax with enough time allotted for it to take full action (because I'm going to need it, I'm sure).

My first class today is not until 11, so I might give my psych's office a call and apologize for being so short with the lady who took my phone call yesterday. I'll also probably give an actual reason as to why I would like my doctor to call me...Something along the lines of "I would like to speak with Dr. [hisname] about a particular medication that he and I had discussed on our last appointment. It's urgent. Thank you."

I'm rehearsing phone calls now? I'm going even crazier
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Old 01-17-2008, 07:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: The Horror (Public Speaking 1113)

I don't think you were out of line with his receptionist. The details of what you want to talk about with the doctor are none of her business.

Many of you may disagree with me on this, but if for some reason my GP or psych (don't have one) refused me an innocuous drug like Inderal, I'd go to another doc or get it over the Internet. And no, I'm not a doctor shopper - I've had one and only one for the last ten years.

Good luck friend
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Old 01-08-2009, 01:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Hey

I just wanted to add a few points that I hope help you out.

I too experienced intense anxiety similiar to how you describe in high school for presentations and speech class, as I also suffer from social anxiety. But at that time was too shy to raise the problem to anyone so never received medication and had to bear the brunt of it.

Wanted to say first of all, when I went through college, we had the option to take CLEP or Dantes tests to get out of these classes. I did a Dantes test for speech, which involved going alone into a room with a tape recorder, getting 10 minutes of prep time and recording a short speech. This worked for me, and if you inquire or raise the issue to your councelor maybe they can take it further.

I wanted to also say there is hope for even the anxious of us all. After I entered the workforce, I was sometimes required to give presentations for interviews, clients, and even teach a class of people way smarter than I am. What worked for me is that I found if I have time to prepare material and become familiar with it, I am much more comfortable because I have a script to stick to. And, if powerpoint presentations are an option, focusing on those while presenting helped alot.

Over time I have become much better at presenting (I still dont think anyone becomes 100% comfortable), but I do not get strong anxiety. I will admit that sometimes I will take .25mg of xanax, just enough to help, or maybe its a placebo, but for the most part the anxiety is not a major issue anymore.

While the pills help, they are a temporary fix. What I found to be a permanent help was being thrown into strong situations and facing them head on. While it can be a huge battle going through it, I found my confidence skyrocketed after I did make it through something. I always found that when I played the scenarios and possible outcomes over and over in my head, this fueled my anxiety. If I instead prepare and focus on the material for the speech, I found that once I got up there I was not as nervous as I had imagined.

In a class, it takes time, because instead of one big presentation you have them spread out into smaller speeches over time. But, think of it this way. The first speech you did on day 1, where you gave a brief intro about yourself, had to be winged because you had no time to prepare. In that sense, the hardest is over. For the rest of the speeches, such as when you interview someone else, you can take notes and have material to prepare with and focus on.

In summary, I promise there is hope and that this may not be a lifelong situation. Going through a speech/presentation is a huge internal battle for someone like us. But, like I said, focusing exlcusively on the material to be presented, and knowing it well, always gave me a "Crutch" in the presentation, because I knew no matter how flustered I got, I would have the material to fall back on. When I had this, the anxiety would build from the moment I knew I had to give the speech until a few minutes before I had to give it. But, when I actually walked up and began to give the speech, looked out at the crowd, I realized that I wasnt nearly as nervous as I thought I would be, and I had played a lot of it up in my head. It is still a tough battle, but if you can make it through a couple, perhaps even mimimally medicated or not at all, your confidence will grow and anxiety will be reduced for later situations.

Hope this helps.
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Hmm, I wonder if korey ended up passing that class or not?
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Whoa! Old post...well, I had a big surprise in my last class of the day...I was ill-prepared, that's for sure (i.e. NO KLONOPIN IN MY SYSTEM)...I went to my Statics class (branch of physics), and one of the first things the professor wanted us to do was to go to the front of the class (with stadium seating btw), and say our name, where we're from, what's our major, and something "unique" about ourselves :eyeroll...haha, I thought I was going to pass out, but it wasn't so bad. I wish I had had some anxiety drugs in me though

This is the first time I've heard of Inderol though. I haven't read the whole thread, but is it as good as Klonopin?

Anyway, how did you end up doing, Korey?
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Old 01-08-2009, 08:27 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Yeah I get pretty light headed before giving a speech. The moment before i have to go my body starts to tingle and i almost go numb all over. But when its done, its just the best feeling in the world, like i can do anything...i have one coming up next week and im really stressing over it, but i know when im done im gonna feel great

Unfortunately ive told no one IRL about my SA so i dont have a Doc or medicine to take to help me before...i guess a few drinks couldnt hurt...lol
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Old 01-08-2009, 08:58 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I dropped out of college the first time due to a public speaking class that was required. As soon as I heard we were supposed to do 7 presentations in that class I just dropped out and ran away immediately.
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Old 01-09-2009, 07:05 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
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Yeah I get pretty light headed before giving a speech. The moment before i have to go my body starts to tingle and i almost go numb all over. But when its done, its just the best feeling in the world, like i can do anything...i have one coming up next week and im really stressing over it, but i know when im done im gonna feel great

Unfortunately ive told no one IRL about my SA so i dont have a Doc or medicine to take to help me before...i guess a few drinks couldnt hurt...lol
Just wanted to add that I am 29 now, and dealt with SA my whole life without meds because I was too shy to discuss the issue with anyone. Finally, after I had build more confidence in myself, at age 26 or so I just went into see a new physician (had moved to a new area), and straight up said that I am coming to her to talk about my anxiety in social situaitons, Ive never sought treatment for it before but it was interfering with my life as a social situation was coming up that I was very anxious about. She didn't grill me, basically just talked about my symptoms for 1 - 2 minutes, and told me that the options she has are 1 medication (xanax) that is a little stronger but only taken as needed for certain situations, and another medicine (paxil) that is more mild but is taken everyday to help on an ongoing basis. I said the first option sounded like what I needed. Long story short, after bringing up my concerns to my Dr., 10 minutes later I had an ongoing prescription for xanax as needed. I dont take it a whole lot, I would get a bottle of 30 pills at .25mg and take one, sometimes two pills, for certain intense situations (made a point not to take it for every little thing that made me anxious) and bottle could last for a couple months or more.

In summary, I found the meds to be life changing for me. I took a pill, entered a normally anxiety ridden social situation, and felt fine, felt able to be myself without anxious consequences, and was very relaxed in the situation. By taking the pill for the situation a couple of times, I think it helped me to "see" that there was nothing to be anxious about, and could then be in the same social situations in the future without the meds and usually experience minimal anxiety. I'd recommend it.
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Old 01-19-2009, 09:09 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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So if I were to talk to my doctor about it, i may be able to get some meds that i would use only at certain times to help me out? It seems like if i were to tell them, i would have to see a psychiatrist and be on meds everyday...also i would have to hide the meds from my parents...
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Old 01-19-2009, 10:02 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Don't go to a general doctor for this kind of thing. They are not specialized in emotional disorders. SA is something a psychiatrist should take care of.

Second, Korey, you are not psychotic - it's severe anxiety. The thoughts are scaring you as worst-case scenarios. The possibility of you doing the things you were thinking about are pretty small. The thoughts are doing nothing more than distracting you from doing something you don't want to do. I am dealing with this myself right now; I'm glad you cam ehere with this issue because it is reminding me that it is okay to be anxious about something like this, but not to become overwhelmed by it. Just take things one step at a time and things WILL be okay.

YOU will be OKAY.
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Old 07-04-2009, 11:52 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyvr6 View Post
Hmm, I wonder if korey ended up passing that class or not?
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Anyway, how did you end up doing, Korey?
Wow, this thread is over a year old! I am happy to say that I passed Public Speaking with an A for the semester. Over the course of that semester, I actually became sorta friendly with the instructor and am actually happy that I took that course. In fact, that was probably my favorite course of that particular semester (It was certainly better than Organic Chemistry II and Physics II ). Thanks everyone for all the support! I hope this thread sticks around to give a bit of hope to future students of Public Speaking
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