Starting over at 30 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 09:00 AM Thread Starter
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Starting over at 30

Hi everyone. As the title suggests, I'm turning thirty this year and all I can say I have to my name is a suitcase of clothes and a mountain bike. Fortunately I don't put nearly as much stock into material things as most although I have taken this idea a little too far to be sure. I guess the hardest thing over the past two years has been my total lack of friends. Sad to say, my mother is the only one I talk to and she is for all intents and purposes crazy. She doesn't try to be so I don't get angry anymore but the doesn't make the fact that the only family memeber I have left is incapable of holding a rational conversation. Mix that in with 2 years in a cult when I was 17 forced upon me by my mother and I am left with very little to hang on to as far as an identity... I have ruined all my relationships and my only choice to talk to another human being is either with a community of people I don't know or a girl who, if I was her friend and she told me how i had treated her, I would tell her to never talk to me again. I hope this is not coming off like poor me because I've been there before. I mean for the first time in my life I accept that my circumstances are my fault and mine alone. I can't blame something that happened 13 years ago for my present circumstance. I guess I just want to feel like someone out there will read this and for a few min. out of their day will throw me a good thought or two. I'm sorry to say that despite my best efforts, I have not done a whole lot that deserves good thoughts. If anyone would like to pm me it would be cool to have a friend to stay pm back and forth. I'm a bit of a thinker so anyone who likes philosophy or rationalism, we have something in common. Thanks for reading.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 09:09 AM
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Hang in there. We are all here in the same boat. Love the username by the way.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 11:17 AM
is getting over herself
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it isn't totally your fault, but I think it's an important step that you acknowledge that your choices are your own, and your life is your responsibility. From there, there is nowhere to go but up.

Live Cage Free!!!! or, at least be wild caught.

You can rebuild your self-esteem. Rebuild it into a way that others cannot destroy it anymore.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 12:08 PM
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Your post reads both rational and sincere. The key thing is that you are accepting yourself and your current problems as your own. That seems to be best starting point for making changes.

Many people spend time picking other people apart. It takes much more work to figure out who you are - it's a sort of admission of all your defeats while simultaneously taking hold of your strengths. And it's the only way to go if you want to make your life your own.

Keep your head up.

"To live outside the law you must be honest..."
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-14-2010, 03:17 PM
who am i
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well hey, at least you're admitting it. most people refuse to do that. but don't be too hard on yourself cause it really doesn't allow you to do much. i know from experience, lol. well, anyways. good luck with everything!
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-14-2011, 01:20 PM
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There's probably no point getting so down on yourself. Once you start treating others better you will receive the same.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-21-2012, 06:28 AM
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my mom is crazy as well. I too cannot hold a rational conversation with her. My dad is embarrassed and ashamed that I am a failure in his eyes...whatever that is supposed to mean. I think just survive because my life has been so rough. I stay in a survival mode. I am convined this is all an illusion. But how do you put that into action or purpose. I think positive thinking in a new age joke. All there is only perception and the eastern philosophy like budhism meditation. your in a good place for that kind of knowegde right now. look up for anwers not at your feet.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-21-2012, 06:44 AM
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survival is now your identity. Identidies are false securities.Stay away from the whole"finding yourself ****".Its a dead end because it is forever changing. the only permanant is impermanacy.
i dont understand the girl thing; can you elaborate please?
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