Scared to meet up with friends/people - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-12-2011, 04:46 AM Thread Starter
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Scared to meet up with friends/people

For about 4 months I have not left the house to meet up with friends/ people anytime a friend arranges something with me I always cancel last minute for stupid reasons and if I attempt to arrange things with them and they cancel (rarely) I'm so bloody relieved and happy .

I hate going out but I hate that I hate not going out (if that makes sense), Inside of me I wanna visit places, I don't mind going these place on my own. The entire process of getting ready and spending a whole day talking with a friend(s) (what if I run out of things to say?), When we arrange to meet up on x day, from then to that day I am constantly nervous and thinking about it, then I begin conjuring up stupid reasons not to go .

I really think I am isolating myself from the few friends I have, I really don't want to do this. I really want to go out with them but the thought of it is scaring me. Anyone else experience this? Or knows anyway to deal with it?
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-12-2011, 05:58 AM
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It's hard for me to go out with anybody b/c I don't know what to say & I don't want to look stupid. So I avoid everything I can. I hate going to the Doctor too. I have to go tomorrow & I'm dreading it. I try not to think about it. But, it's always there in the back of my mind. I try to stay upbeat & positive & pretend I'm someone else when I'm out & about...seems to help I don't know if that's a good thing or not Later
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2011, 06:34 AM
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I have a similar problem, but luckily it doesn't flare up all the time. Some days I'm totally fine. I love those days!!! Other days I'm scared, and I don't even have a reason for it some of the time. Like today, I'm going to stay at a friend's house for a few days. I haven't been to his house in like a year, and I'm glad to finally spend some time with him. At the same time, I'm scared to leave my house. Why? I don't know. My husband will take care of the place and feed the kitty. Got no reason to fear being at Corey's (my friend) place, he and his boyfriend are awesome people and his boyfriend's mom and grandma are nice, too. So what the hell's my problem? I almost called to postpone the visit several times but I refused to let myself do that. But I couldn't relax until I did something, so I shortened the visit by one day so I'll be coming home Saturday night instead of Sunday morning.

This kind of problem behavior creeps up on me with all my friends, not just one in particular. I've only been to my friend Brian's new apartment once, because it's three or four hours away from my house and I'm scared to be so far away from home. I rarely stay the night at Diane's, who lives only a short bus ride away, because I feel wrong being there instead of at home.

I long to go out with friends more, but I get nervous that my presence will hold them back in some way because I'm poor, I don't drive and you couldn't pay me to spent the night at a bar or night club and most of my friends are in their early twenties and think that's THE PLACE TO BE. My friend Sid is like the Queen of Strip Clubs. I'm rather crawl in a hole than go to one or to admit that I'd slept with three male strippers- at once! Sid has no problem telling everyone, including places like my house in front of my other friends or when we're dining at a restaurant! I'm been to a (normal) club once, for my friend Billy's drag show, and it wasn't so bad since the focus was on the performance and not on me, but I still felt out of place. Most of the time I sit at home wishing I was somewhere else, and when I'm somewhere else I'm often reminding myself that "It's okay, I'll be home at -insert random time here-".

And before you point out that I might be more relaxed with more "normal" people, I'm actually WORSE. I don't handle normal adults well. I feel I like I stand out and am being judged, even if I'm doing nothing other than sitting at the same table. With my friends, I always feel loved and accepted for who I am, even if I'm anxious or afraid.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-24-2013, 05:00 AM
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God!! i cannot believe there are people in this world like me!
I'm soooo glad I reached this post some how
Let me tell you, I feel each and every word that you have written. I'm almost your age, female and I'm so happy right now

Reading your post, I felt someone went inside my brain, saw all those thought and posted those out here :P
Everything that you have written - want to visit new places, but the whole process of getting ready and talking to friends about stuff.., having the happiest time of my life when a friend cancels a meeting , thinking constantly of new excuses to just cancel the next friends get together.., don't hate people but hate the whole process of meeting them and all that you have written.. God it's complete me!

Thank you so much!
I feel so great that there is at least one more person in this world who is like me and feels the same way
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 02-26-2013, 12:56 PM
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Whether or not you have SA, a lot of people can relate to this. You're definitely not alone.
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