Scared to call people by their names - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 04:50 PM Thread Starter
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Scared to call people by their names

One symptom (can't think of a better way to describe it) of SA I've noticed is that I'm scared to call people by their name unless I know them extremely well. Even if I'm 100% certain that I know the person's name, I'm still afraid to say it just in case I get it wrong, even though I know I haven't. Anyone else have this problem?
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 05:08 PM
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never heard of this problem before. i usually wont call anybody by their name unless i know it for sure. at work we have coworkers that come and go before you even get to learn their name. so i dont try to learn their name unless they are around for more than a couple of weeks. but i usually dont have a problem calling them by their name if i need or want to.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 05:10 PM
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Try not to care what those people think of you. Who cares if you don't know them. If you get their name wrong, then that's okay, your human, we humans make mistakes.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 06:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I have trouble saying people's names, sometimes even if I know them well I'll still have mild anxiety and I avoid it at all costs if I don't know them well. Maybe because it seems personal in some way.
That's the issue for me, at least. I feel terribly presumptuous to call somebody by their name, like, "What right do I have to be so familiar with them?" Even online with usernames.

If I refer to somebody by name I also get the feeling I come across as condescending, because sometimes when people talk down to you they make a point of referring to you by name. Ugh. ;_;

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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 06:41 PM
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Cool its alos kinda the golden rule with me..i dislike people i dont know using my name.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuclearganon View Post
One symptom (can't think of a better way to describe it) of SA I've noticed is that I'm scared to call people by their name unless I know them extremely well. Even if I'm 100% certain that I know the person's name, I'm still afraid to say it just in case I get it wrong, even though I know I haven't. Anyone else have this problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
That's the issue for me, at least. I feel terribly presumptuous to call somebody by their name, like, "What right do I have to be so familiar with them?" Even online with usernames.

If I refer to somebody by name I also get the feeling I come across as condescending, because sometimes when people talk down to you they make a point of referring to you by name. Ugh. ;_;
^100%. I dont find it surprising other Sars have this...Most people seem to expect you to use thier name, and like it when strangers do so.

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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 07:49 PM
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Yes, I have noticed this problem in myself. Now I try using people's names. Even when I call those company representative people, I call them by their name. I read it creates a bond? People like hearing their names too.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 07:50 PM
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Actually I've read that calling people by their names is kind of endearing/comforting to them. People like hearing their names.

Unless you are actually being condescending.

But I do have trouble with this. A lot of times I just feel like I don't have the chance to get it out in time. Like when I'm saying goodbye to someone I'll just say "Bye!" and they're already out the door before I could even bother saying their name. But if I get to know them better it's not really a problem. Maybe a little practice would help. hmm.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 07:52 PM
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I don't call my parents, I don't call students at school, I don't call my cousins, uncles, teachers. Never called anyone by their name.

I will just start talking in hopes you are listening.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-23-2013, 08:41 PM
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LOL I know that feel OP. I think its because I think I'm more aware than most and knowing peoples names will make things seem like I'm desperate.

You can always just throw in a, "that's your name, right?" at the end and try to semi-pretend you don't know for sure.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-24-2013, 09:44 PM
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Yes! Thought I was the only one.

I think in my case its that I have a bad memory so if its someone i dont know well Im always worried i will call them the wrong name or say their name wrong. And its not unfounded fears as its happened several times. Better to just say hello hows it going untill sure
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-24-2013, 09:47 PM
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I've got this too and it simply makes no sense to me. For some reason I find it so difficult just to say their ****ing name. Can't make sense of it.

I've been wallowing in my own confused, insecure delusions
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 08:50 AM
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by marsbars27 View Post
Actually I've read that calling people by their names is kind of endearing/comforting to them. People like hearing their names.

Unless you are actually being condescending.

I hate when people did this to me as a customer service rep..like, wow your using my name big woop.

But I do have trouble with this. A lot of times I just feel like I don't have the chance to get it out in time. Like when I'm saying goodbye to someone I'll just say "Bye!" and they're already out the door before I could even bother saying their name. But if I get to know them better it's not really a problem. Maybe a little practice would help. hmm.
Yeah im always like "ok bye!" then i run away. no time to say "okay, bye tom"

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Originally Posted by Diggydog View Post
I don't call my parents, I don't call students at school, I don't call my cousins, uncles, teachers. Never called anyone by their name.

I will just start talking in hopes you are listening.
^ditto

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I think a lot of people with severe social anxiety end up being abstinent anyways. So if abstinence were the answer then social anxiety should be self curing disease." - istayhome
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 09:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuclearganon View Post
One symptom (can't think of a better way to describe it) of SA I've noticed is that I'm scared to call people by their name unless I know them extremely well. Even if I'm 100% certain that I know the person's name, I'm still afraid to say it just in case I get it wrong, even though I know I haven't. Anyone else have this problem?
I have had this problem for so long. I actually remember this being one of my very first symptoms of social anxiety is being afraid to call people by their names. I had trouble even calling my parents, like "Mom" and "Dad" and afraid of calling them in fear I'd stutter or sound stupid. I still have this problem today. :S Ugh.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 09:49 AM
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Yeah, I have that problem. I often wonder if people think I'm being rude by not mentioning their name when returning the greeting. For me it's better that way since I end up calling people by the wrong name or butchering their name completely, even if I am pretty familiar with the person.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 10:26 AM
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This doesn't bother me much..
But I do hate having to address people who have really long names, double-barrel names or names the are just damn awkward to pronounce.. >.<

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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 11:58 AM
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Yes, I have this too. I don't feel comfortable saying their names, even if I know them well. I prefer starting the sentence with "sorry" or something, I call their names only if they won't hear me otherwise.
The other day my mother actually told me she noticed I never call her "mum"... I just say "hey" or some weird sound.
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