Saying the wrong things... all the time. - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Frustration

Reply
Old 01-22-2010, 06:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
Lumiere's Avatar
 
Status: learning...
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 663



Default Saying the wrong things... all the time.

My sister came round the other day and had just had a McDonalds. She was saying how much she enjoyed it and so on. Then there was a lull in the conversation, so I started going on about a man I used to work with who had worked at McDonalds and he said that their standards of hygiene were appalling and he'd witnessed someone going to the toilet and then serving customers afterwards without washing his hands because they were so busy and the pressure to keep the customers happy was very high.
My sister didn't really know what to say and it only then occurred to me that this was not the best thing I could have said.

This happens to me all the time. Without intending to I *always* say the wrong thing or I say something which is easily misconstrued and I spend days in fits of anxiety that people think I meant something which I didn't.
Someone I care about was having a hard time recently and so I tried to cheer him up, but I think I ended up upsetting him instead. It's become a source of deep anxiety for me now. So much so that I can't even relate the details, but I just feel so guilty and angry with myself that I can't be clearer when I try to communicate with people.

Social interaction is a bloody minefield.
__________________
"How strange it is to be anything at all"
Lumiere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 06:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
pita's Avatar
 
Status: subtastic
Join Date: Jan 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,693



Default

I do this too. I get so nervous about not saying anything that I say the first related thing that comes to mind.
pita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 07:09 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Ban
Join Date: May 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 648



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumiere View Post
Social interaction is a bloody minefield.
Certainly is, I don't get it either! I say stupid things, ^ things that pop into my head, things that sound like Im being totally arrogant, and I didn't mean it.
My911GT2993 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 09:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
odd_one_out's Avatar
 
Status: Your Assumptions
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 7,027



Default

My faux pas mostly involve revealing a little too much information, sometimes resulting in people snickering or patronising me. If things I said were often misconstrued as insults, others probably would have overtly indicated that by now and they haven't. I catch it in their body language sometimes, but it is unclear. Perhaps others do not mind your faux pas as much as you think. In the situations you mention, you indicate uncertainty about how they perceived you.
odd_one_out is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 09:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: overdramatic
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: England
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Posts: 11



Default

I do this all the time. It's so embarassing, and even worse when the person looks at you blankly.
I used to hate it but now i'm at the stage where i think so what?
If someone were to scrutinise the things I say all the time, they would really need to get a life.
Learn to laugh about it i do...
inktear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 09:47 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: England
Posts: 104



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumiere View Post
Someone I care about was having a hard time recently and so I tried to cheer him up, but I think I ended up upsetting him instead.
hmm same, the other day an accquentance of mine (cant spell) broke up from her boyfriend, they were only going out 4 days and she started crying, and she was sitting next to me getting changed (sports lesson) so i went "for gods sake dont cry over him" but it sounded a bit *****y.. i meant as in a dont cry for him hes not worth it but it sounded more of a FOR GOD SAKE GET A GRIP.
__________________

TheWeirdOne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 02:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Ban
Join Date: May 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 648



Default

if pita is from UK then that'd make this a Full English Thread....opps, said the wrong thing
My911GT2993 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 04:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
pita's Avatar
 
Status: subtastic
Join Date: Jan 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,693



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by My911GT2993 View Post
if pita is from UK then that'd make this a Full English Thread....opps, said the wrong thing
Oops, I ruined the English thread.
pita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 05:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
march_hare's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: UK
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,470



Default

Yes, I often do that too!
The negative comments just seem to come naturally to me for some reason :/
Quite often I say things with the wrong intonation as well, so it sounds as if I'm being rude or accusatory.
Socialisation is indeed a minefield....
__________________
I am going to completely work on making myself happy.

“Fear can make you do more wrong than hate or jealousy. If you're afraid you don’t commit yourself to life completely; fear makes you always, always hold something back.”
march_hare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 06:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 56



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by odd_one_out View Post
My faux pas mostly involve revealing a little too much information, sometimes resulting in people snickering or patronising me. If things I said were often misconstrued as insults, others probably would have overtly indicated that by now and they haven't. I catch it in their body language sometimes, but it is unclear. Perhaps others do not mind your faux pas as much as you think. In the situations you mention, you indicate uncertainty about how they perceived you.
isn't that the worst? i hate the laughter, or the silence, or staring.. it feels awful to realize you've done something wrong.
Reddle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 07:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
Status: imahellion
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Cali
Gender: Female
Posts: 34



Default

geeeeez I thought it was just me who had word vomit. So I feel you Lumiere. At work once, I'm not usually talkative, and when I am I say the most irrelevant things... I chopped it up with a co-worker, he asked if I go to school. Then I started talking about a spanish class I was taking and how and why my last name is spanish, and I kept going on about how I need to work on my spanish and how it;s hard to learn... He didn't ask about all that, so he just kind of looked at me and went back to work...


I'm weird and I know it!!! I just don't wanna show it!!! haha

seriously, it sucks and it sucks the life out of me... it doesn't help that I'm also a delivery person and having to worry about saying the right thing all the time.. woe is me
brodydvy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 07:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
lyricalillusions's Avatar
 
Status: My So-Called Self
Join Date: Nov 2008
Gender: Female
Age: 32
Posts: 692



Default

I never know what to say to people, & when I do I say the wrong thing. I end up making the person mad or upset, or sad, without meaning to. That's why I'm especially not good at talking to people about things I have no experience with, it's even worse then.
__________________
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” _Dr. Seuss
lyricalillusions is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 09:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
shyvr6's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 25,577



Default

I thought the McDonald's story was kind of amusing actually. She was probably pondering about her meal after you told her that, lol.
shyvr6 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-22-2011, 02:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1



Default

I always say the wrong thing. When I'm around a lot of people, I'm mostly quiet. But once I get to know someone I start talking more and the wrong things start coming out. I hate it!

I might, for example, tease somebody. With good intentions. But then I might say something that offends someone! Like my best friend and I always joke around and tease, but then one time I will say it in front of someone else, or take it too far, and offend her.

Or, I might make an observation in front of the wrong person. Once I said something about my friend's behavior in front of her husband that he could take the wrong way.

At work lately I CONTINUALLY open my mouth and say things that I shouldn't. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO. I think about what I'm going to say and who is around before I say it all the time. And then all of a sudden I open my mouth and BAM something stupid slips out.

I am so tired of this! I think I get so excited to have something to contribute or to keep conversations going sometimes that I don't think about what I say before I say it. I'm afraid people are going to stop trusting me to tell me things if I keep blurting the wrong thing out!!
penguin circus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2012, 12:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2



Default dont seem to say the normal things

I have noticed i always seem to say weird things that are out of nowhere or just stuff i should keep to myself and because i feel uncomfortable around people i seem to say more stuff because im nervous and feel uneasy.
I have recently stopped meeting my sisters because i upset one by saying there is nothing i like about my nephew he brings nothing to the table for me(he is very selfish and even she finds him extremely hard work but thats the kind of thing to keep to yourself), at the time i didnt think much of it but my other sister said she got upset after i left.
i dont understand why i seem to say these inappropriate things and half the time im blind to it.
I also have just gone back to college as a adult student i make lots of jokes because i find converstion hard but most seem to be offending something like certain countries etc and then sometimes i start trying to justify it.
i sometimes feel i should just be a loner so as not to offend people, i feel i am a nice caring guy but seem to find the whole social thing very hard and always have.
Im trying to sort certain things out like drink less in the pub so i dont become even more vocal because i want to change i believe people can but its trying to remember to keep quite that i never remember
The Yorkshireman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2012, 12:07 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
Openyoureyes's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: upstate new york.
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,656



Default

yeah i tend to be blank sometimes
__________________
In dreams, I meet you in long conversation
We both wake in lonely beds, and different cities
And time is ticking a sweet summer race in you
And you've got your demons and darling they all
♥ ❤ look like me ❤ ♥
Openyoureyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2012, 12:09 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by penguin circus View Post
I always say the wrong thing. When I'm around a lot of people, I'm mostly quiet. But once I get to know someone I start talking more and the wrong things start coming out. I hate it!

I might, for example, tease somebody. With good intentions. But then I might say something that offends someone! Like my best friend and I always joke around and tease, but then one time I will say it in front of someone else, or take it too far, and offend her.

Or, I might make an observation in front of the wrong person. Once I said something about my friend's behavior in front of her husband that he could take the wrong way.

At work lately I CONTINUALLY open my mouth and say things that I shouldn't. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO. I think about what I'm going to say and who is around before I say it all the time. And then all of a sudden I open my mouth and BAM something stupid slips out.

I am so tired of this! I think I get so excited to have something to contribute or to keep conversations going sometimes that I don't think about what I say before I say it. I'm afraid people are going to stop trusting me to tell me things if I keep blurting the wrong thing out!!
This sound exactly like what i do, i try be funny with observations but sometimes its just harsh but is funny but still harsh with close friends
The Yorkshireman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2012, 01:56 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Permanent Ban
Join Date: Jun 2012
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Posts: 1,038



Default

Generally if someone is upset, I offer my sympathies and let them vent if they need to. And even if I do have any constructive advice, I hold off on giving it until after they're in a more placated mood. It's kind of a personal thing - growing up, I've had way too many experiences with people trying to cheer me up and/or distract me when I'm in a bad mood and I've always found it annoying and insensitive. So I really appreciate it when someone allows me due personal time and space to coax myself of my grievances, and I try to do that for others as well.

tl;dr - sometimes in our haste to be helpful, we may inadvertently cross certain social boundaries and come off as a bit imposing. Sometimes it's best to just listen and can the unsolicited advice.

As for the McDonald's moment - I can't be of any help here; lord knows I've had so many of those myself.
pythonesque is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 09:26 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1



Default me too

I feel that way a lot. Tonight it happened again. A friend of my daughter's who is a hair dresser, I've known and gone to a few times to get my hair did. Now she is an hour away from me but I emailed her and ask her how much it would cost to get my hair cut and colored. She told me these high prices and I was shocked. Sticker Shock if you will. Well, she had done my hair several times for free and other times gave me a 50% off discount (I guess b/c I'm my daughter's mom). So, I wrote back and told her I couldn't afford that. I told her I'm not working and normally she gave me a discount. She was so offended. She wrote back and told me that those prices were discounted and that she was ill and needed to support her family. She told me that she HAD done my hair for free several times and had discounted her services at other times. I am now mortified! I feel so bad. I wrote her several times apologizing to her. It doesn't fail. I always say the wrong thing! Lately seems like a lot.
Hopelyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm sick of doing things the wrong way first !!! Why did God make me so clumsy VIncymon Frustration 4 01-20-2010 03:21 PM
Why do things go wrong when i try to act mature ? VIncymon Frustration 3 10-28-2009 09:25 PM
Conversational Skills: Managing to Say the Wrong Things SadRosesAreBeautiful Coping With Social Anxiety 13 05-22-2008 08:34 PM
Losing a friend? Where things went wrong, and moving on? barnabas Frustration 1 07-22-2007 08:59 PM
Less Time on Net, More Time on Important Things Squizzy Goal Setting 16 04-23-2005 07:21 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:07 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.