Social Anxiety Support

inthemausoleum · 11-06-2009, 07:23 PM

I dont know what to do about it..... I have loud room mates and im always akward and an shy and i cant talk to them..

Honestly I never feel comfortable. I just gave up trying to talk.. so now i am the 'hermit snob' probably. Im not really a snob though im just sooo anxious around them.

I can feel them getting more and more resentful of me everyday even though I dont bother them. Its like I know exactly what im doing wrong... Im just not talking and it all feels forced when i talk..But theres nothing i can do to change this. There is nothing at all that will make me feel comfortable.

I want to die.

JayDontCareEh · 11-06-2009, 07:49 PM

I feel your pain, man. Living with roommates was fun for about two weeks.

One thing I noticed after a while is that the times when I felt like I was getting the cold shoulder because of my reclusive tendencies, was them mirroring my personality out of frustration because they thought I was giving them the snub.

After a while they realized that I'm just a spacious person, and we actually got on better, and for myself I was more comfortable hanging out them more often without feeling like I had too.

inthemausoleum · 11-06-2009, 11:41 PM

Okay.. My biggest problem is my room mates think i'm a snob. I know exactly what you mean.

I dont know how else I can show Im not a snob though! I am totally nice and respectful.. I am totally chilled out. Yes im in my own little world but just because i dont talk as much as they do doesn't mean i have a grudge !

Obviously im spaced out!

Why dont they just assume im wierd and spacey?? Cant they just TELL by the way I talk softly and Have a hard time letting go, that I'm withdraw ~ :c

millenniumman75 · 11-06-2009, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by inthemausoleum

I dont know what to do about it..... I have loud room mates and im always akward and an shy and i cant talk to them..

Honestly I never feel comfortable. I just gave up trying to talk.. so now i am the 'hermit snob' probably. Im not really a snob though im just sooo anxious around them.

I can feel them getting more and more resentful of me everyday even though I dont bother them. Its like I know exactly what im doing wrong... Im just not talking and it all feels forced when i talk..But theres nothing i can do to change this. There is nothing at all that will make me feel comfortable.

I want to die.

You are putting thoughts into their heads. You have no way of knowing what they truly think unless you ask them. Until then, you cannot assume. That's not fair to them, or you.

You can change this by being a little more approachable over time. Start with a simple hello.

polythene · 11-07-2009, 05:28 AM

I've been there. It got so bad that I was taking showers an hour before the sun rose, and being scared to cook for myself because I was afraid my housemates would come into the kitchen. Using the bathroom/shower was also an ordeal, and I was just damned lucky that my room was accessible by an isolated back door. I basically spent all of my time in the house hiding with my door locked.

Needless to say it was horrible, and made worse because my roommates were standoffish and made little effort to talk to me. If yours are a bit nicer, be nice back to them - go from simple greetings to asking how they are, or asking mundane questions related related to communal living (food, toilet paper, whatever ruckus the neighbors were making the night before). Small things. You don't have to engage them in hours-long conversations, but even if you're reserved try to make it seem like you're not snubbing them deliberately.

Worse comes to worse, bribe them with delicious food and beer.

11-06-2009, 07:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
inthemausoleum Status: Duplicate Account Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 3	REally really rough living situation right now... ;( I dont know what to do about it..... I have loud room mates and im always akward and an shy and i cant talk to them.. Honestly I never feel comfortable. I just gave up trying to talk.. so now i am the 'hermit snob' probably. Im not really a snob though im just sooo anxious around them. I can feel them getting more and more resentful of me everyday even though I dont bother them. Its like I know exactly what im doing wrong... Im just not talking and it all feels forced when i talk..But theres nothing i can do to change this. There is nothing at all that will make me feel comfortable. I want to die.

11-06-2009, 07:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
JayDontCareEh Status: SAS member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Age: 28 Posts: 182	I feel your pain, man. Living with roommates was fun for about two weeks. One thing I noticed after a while is that the times when I felt like I was getting the cold shoulder because of my reclusive tendencies, was them mirroring my personality out of frustration because they thought I was giving them the snub. After a while they realized that I'm just a spacious person, and we actually got on better, and for myself I was more comfortable hanging out them more often without feeling like I had too. __________________ Cracked halo horns on my helmet Little doll crawl in cherry red velvet

11-06-2009, 11:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
inthemausoleum Status: Duplicate Account Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 3	Okay.. My biggest problem is my room mates think i'm a snob. I know exactly what you mean. I dont know how else I can show Im not a snob though! I am totally nice and respectful.. I am totally chilled out. Yes im in my own little world but just because i dont talk as much as they do doesn't mean i have a grudge ! Obviously im spaced out! Why dont they just assume im wierd and spacey?? Cant they just TELL by the way I talk softly and Have a hard time letting go, that I'm withdraw ~ :c

11-07-2009, 05:28 AM	#5 (permalink)
polythene Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 218	I've been there. It got so bad that I was taking showers an hour before the sun rose, and being scared to cook for myself because I was afraid my housemates would come into the kitchen. Using the bathroom/shower was also an ordeal, and I was just damned lucky that my room was accessible by an isolated back door. I basically spent all of my time in the house hiding with my door locked. Needless to say it was horrible, and made worse because my roommates were standoffish and made little effort to talk to me. If yours are a bit nicer, be nice back to them - go from simple greetings to asking how they are, or asking mundane questions related related to communal living (food, toilet paper, whatever ruckus the neighbors were making the night before). Small things. You don't have to engage them in hours-long conversations, but even if you're reserved try to make it seem like you're not snubbing them deliberately. Worse comes to worse, bribe them with delicious food and beer.