Social Anxiety Support

Ohio Fatso · 11-04-2009, 04:46 PM

I was going to take off work this Friday, but not now. I have a day of personal leave I must use or lose by the end of the year. I'll probably lose it. So much for the three day weekend I had planned.

Since I have sat around most of the week in misery not knowing what to do because I'm too afraid to talk to the boss, I now think to myself, "and you think you're going to get the audacity now to ask for time off after wasting half of the week?"

No way. I lose. This Friday when I go to work I will have to sit there and rub my nose in it. I will be thinking, "You could have had this day off you idiot, but you blew it because you're a worthless piece of crap." I hate myself for not having what it takes to just barge in there and start firing away the questions.

Too scared. I really think I should resign for the good of the organization, but I won't. I refuse to be a quitter. They'll have to fire me. And I hold out some hope that eventually they will realize I'm having problems and come and help me without me having to ask for it.

Moon Calf · 11-04-2009, 04:55 PM

Don't beat yourself up. It won't do you any good.

MavenMI6Agent009 · 11-04-2009, 05:00 PM

Telling you to stop beating yourself up is like telling a fat person to stop eating. easier said than done of course.

Ohio Fatso · 11-04-2009, 05:02 PM

I know it won't, but I just don't know what else to do. I'm clueless and when the boss asks me questions about where I am on my projects, I will be speechless and wishing I was six feet under.

I just can't believe this is so difficult. Really what I can't believe is that they have to have me making an embarrassment of myself just to communicate with them. Why can't I just e-mail my questions? I have tried it and received no answer. Then I get jokes made about how I never do anything, which are partially true but hurt like hell because if I knew what to do I would do it.

I am frozen with indecision and fear. This has happened over and over. It will never stop. I need a set time that I can meet with this guy to talk about what I'm supposed to do, but it will never happen. I hate the way this is all set up. Very frustrating and I'm not sure what to do, so until I figure it out I won't be doing much of anything.

jane · 11-04-2009, 05:36 PM

I think it's important to examine why you are so nervous at work, rather than just being overwhelmed by the nervousness.
-You talk about the fear of people discovering you are inept. Well, they hired you, and they haven't fired you yet, so it would be safe to assume that your work is at least adequate. Also, you're probably not good enough of an actor to hide idiocy for so many years, so let's say you're not an idiot. Also, it's a lot of effort and paperwork to fire an employee, search for a new one, then train one. So they probably won't fire you.
-Why are you so nervous about asking questions, answering questions, telling your boss you will take a day off? You already assume that people think you're a lazy idiot, so how could their opinion of you possibly get worse? What exactly are you risking by asking questions in person, rather than in e-mail?
-And why are you so terrified of getting fired? It means that you won't have to work every day, which sounds painful for you. You don't spend the money you make, so it's not like being on welfare would really change your lifestyle. You're always saying how easy people on welfare have it, you could be one of them.
It sounds like work is already as awful as it can get, so why not risk nothing and take some chances? For example, dreading asking your boss for a day off then beating yourself up over not being able to, sounds completely terrible. How much worse could it be, to actually ask your boss for the day off, then beat yourself up afterwards for asking in an awkward, embarassing matter? In both cases, you beat yourself up, but in only case do you get a day off.

Ohio Fatso · 11-04-2009, 05:43 PM

I hate being a loser, that's what it is. Anytime I have to come face to face with that fact, especially in the presence of someone else, that is the worst feeling I can ever have. I don't know how to describe it, that's how terrible it is. I can taste the bile, my stomach feels like someone is wrenching it. Every bit of anything I have is drained.

When my boss is looking at me, it reminds me of when my old man used to yell and cuss at me when I was a kid. Any man in that age group where they're old enough to be my father scares me bigtime. I'm afraid they're going to do exactly what he did. It's to the point now where I think they have the right. And I'm too wimpy to handle it anymore. Ironically enough, I had the gumption to talk back to my old man but never to a stranger, never to any other authority figures.

I would do something that I'm not allowed to discuss on here before I would get on welfare. I believe a man has to earn his keep or he's a worthless bum who doesn't deserve anything. I will provide for myself or I will starve to death or die some other way first. I refuse to be a bum.

jane · 11-04-2009, 06:02 PM

Well, it just seems like you already have such a low opinion of yourself, I don't know if being unemployed could make that opinion even lower, ditto with what you think is other people's opinion of you.
Really, I still don't see anything you have to lose by being less avoidant. Again, you e-mail questions instead of asking them in person and they don't get answered, and you feel terrible, and you come here and say how terrible you feel. Why not ask questions in person, and still feel terrible?

sadfox · 11-04-2009, 06:09 PM

it seems to me you have a job thats something to be proud of. a lot of people with sa would like to work but cant due to our anxietys around others dont put yourself down if your having problems speak to your doctor and get professional help

Ohio Fatso · 11-04-2009, 06:12 PM

Why not ask the questions in person?

Because in-person embarrassment is the worst. I have obviously failed in describing that feeling to you. Yes, I feel terrible right now, but it's nowhere near the level of terrible I feel when I'm sitting there looking like an idiot in front of people. Nobody is looking at me right now. I'm alone to wallow in my misery. I can be as stupid as I am, hell I can break down if I want to and nobody will see it.

When people are around, I button up and try to let out as little as possible because I'm ashamed of it all. Face to face embarrassment is the worst thing in the world. I just don't know how else to put it.

Smitten · 11-05-2009, 11:23 PM

Ohio, you need to stop being so hard on yourself! I have done the same thing at my job and it's not worth it. it sounds like you are in between a rock and a hard place becuase you feel absolutely terrible at work and yet the idea of not working is repulsive to you...you just can't win with this mindset! I would really see a therapist to help you work through these problems because no-one can do it on their own.

11-04-2009, 04:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ohio Fatso Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ohio Gender: Male Posts: 758	Punishing myself for ineptitude I was going to take off work this Friday, but not now. I have a day of personal leave I must use or lose by the end of the year. I'll probably lose it. So much for the three day weekend I had planned. Since I have sat around most of the week in misery not knowing what to do because I'm too afraid to talk to the boss, I now think to myself, "and you think you're going to get the audacity now to ask for time off after wasting half of the week?" No way. I lose. This Friday when I go to work I will have to sit there and rub my nose in it. I will be thinking, "You could have had this day off you idiot, but you blew it because you're a worthless piece of crap." I hate myself for not having what it takes to just barge in there and start firing away the questions. Too scared. I really think I should resign for the good of the organization, but I won't. I refuse to be a quitter. They'll have to fire me. And I hold out some hope that eventually they will realize I'm having problems and come and help me without me having to ask for it.

11-04-2009, 05:00 PM	#3 (permalink)
MavenMI6Agent009 Status: Cook Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: EL Crapo, Tx Gender: Male Posts: 13,633	Telling you to stop beating yourself up is like telling a fat person to stop eating. easier said than done of course. __________________ "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." (Henri Nouwen) -------------------------------------------------------

11-04-2009, 04:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
Moon Calf Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Age: 29 Posts: 117	Don't beat yourself up. It won't do you any good.

11-04-2009, 05:02 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ohio Fatso Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ohio Gender: Male Posts: 758	I know it won't, but I just don't know what else to do. I'm clueless and when the boss asks me questions about where I am on my projects, I will be speechless and wishing I was six feet under. I just can't believe this is so difficult. Really what I can't believe is that they have to have me making an embarrassment of myself just to communicate with them. Why can't I just e-mail my questions? I have tried it and received no answer. Then I get jokes made about how I never do anything, which are partially true but hurt like hell because if I knew what to do I would do it. I am frozen with indecision and fear. This has happened over and over. It will never stop. I need a set time that I can meet with this guy to talk about what I'm supposed to do, but it will never happen. I hate the way this is all set up. Very frustrating and I'm not sure what to do, so until I figure it out I won't be doing much of anything.

11-04-2009, 05:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
jane Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 755	I think it's important to examine why you are so nervous at work, rather than just being overwhelmed by the nervousness. -You talk about the fear of people discovering you are inept. Well, they hired you, and they haven't fired you yet, so it would be safe to assume that your work is at least adequate. Also, you're probably not good enough of an actor to hide idiocy for so many years, so let's say you're not an idiot. Also, it's a lot of effort and paperwork to fire an employee, search for a new one, then train one. So they probably won't fire you. -Why are you so nervous about asking questions, answering questions, telling your boss you will take a day off? You already assume that people think you're a lazy idiot, so how could their opinion of you possibly get worse? What exactly are you risking by asking questions in person, rather than in e-mail? -And why are you so terrified of getting fired? It means that you won't have to work every day, which sounds painful for you. You don't spend the money you make, so it's not like being on welfare would really change your lifestyle. You're always saying how easy people on welfare have it, you could be one of them. It sounds like work is already as awful as it can get, so why not risk nothing and take some chances? For example, dreading asking your boss for a day off then beating yourself up over not being able to, sounds completely terrible. How much worse could it be, to actually ask your boss for the day off, then beat yourself up afterwards for asking in an awkward, embarassing matter? In both cases, you beat yourself up, but in only case do you get a day off.

11-04-2009, 05:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
Ohio Fatso Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ohio Gender: Male Posts: 758	I hate being a loser, that's what it is. Anytime I have to come face to face with that fact, especially in the presence of someone else, that is the worst feeling I can ever have. I don't know how to describe it, that's how terrible it is. I can taste the bile, my stomach feels like someone is wrenching it. Every bit of anything I have is drained. When my boss is looking at me, it reminds me of when my old man used to yell and cuss at me when I was a kid. Any man in that age group where they're old enough to be my father scares me bigtime. I'm afraid they're going to do exactly what he did. It's to the point now where I think they have the right. And I'm too wimpy to handle it anymore. Ironically enough, I had the gumption to talk back to my old man but never to a stranger, never to any other authority figures. I would do something that I'm not allowed to discuss on here before I would get on welfare. I believe a man has to earn his keep or he's a worthless bum who doesn't deserve anything. I will provide for myself or I will starve to death or die some other way first. I refuse to be a bum.

11-04-2009, 06:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
jane Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 755	Well, it just seems like you already have such a low opinion of yourself, I don't know if being unemployed could make that opinion even lower, ditto with what you think is other people's opinion of you. Really, I still don't see anything you have to lose by being less avoidant. Again, you e-mail questions instead of asking them in person and they don't get answered, and you feel terrible, and you come here and say how terrible you feel. Why not ask questions in person, and still feel terrible?

11-04-2009, 06:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
sadfox Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: hamilton scotland Gender: Male Posts: 78	it seems to me you have a job thats something to be proud of. a lot of people with sa would like to work but cant due to our anxietys around others dont put yourself down if your having problems speak to your doctor and get professional help

11-04-2009, 06:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
Ohio Fatso Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ohio Gender: Male Posts: 758	Why not ask the questions in person? Because in-person embarrassment is the worst. I have obviously failed in describing that feeling to you. Yes, I feel terrible right now, but it's nowhere near the level of terrible I feel when I'm sitting there looking like an idiot in front of people. Nobody is looking at me right now. I'm alone to wallow in my misery. I can be as stupid as I am, hell I can break down if I want to and nobody will see it. When people are around, I button up and try to let out as little as possible because I'm ashamed of it all. Face to face embarrassment is the worst thing in the world. I just don't know how else to put it.

11-05-2009, 11:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
Smitten Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Australia Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 142	Ohio, you need to stop being so hard on yourself! I have done the same thing at my job and it's not worth it. it sounds like you are in between a rock and a hard place becuase you feel absolutely terrible at work and yet the idea of not working is repulsive to you...you just can't win with this mindset! I would really see a therapist to help you work through these problems because no-one can do it on their own.