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Old 05-28-2009, 11:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default People with no sense of humor

I have always been a pretty jovial wise cracker type of guy, when I'm with my friends (a couple of whom are overweight), I'm always cracking jokes about their weight which they always manage to laugh off as they know that I mean no harm by it, they then go on to make jokes about me which I as well go on to laugh off, all part of growing up as a guy I guess. Though just a few hours ago I met up with a friend of a friend of a friend during a get together (I had never met this guy before as he lived two hours away, lets call him JOE), and happened to notice that he was overweight. A couple of hours pass and the discussion comes to how one of the guys at the party was an accomplished track star and then I mention about how I did alot of running myself a few years ago, winning a silver medal for myself at regionals, anyway he then asks me if my buddies run as well in a joking manner as he sees that they are clearly not the running type, to which they laugh it off as normal. JOE then mentions about how he wants to start running to which I reply in a clearly playful tone as to assure him I mean no harm, "yeah, you're looking a bit on the chunky side yourself." And then, honest to God, tears start to stream down his face and he runs out of the room crying. His friend then gives me kind of a dirty look and goes out after him. At this point, there is a good minute and a half of silence on everyone's part. The track runner then says to me that I should go out and apologize. At first I was ready to do just that but then I started to feel a little pissed off that someone could break down that easily and make me look like the bad guy. I look to my side and my friends kind of give me a look as if to say, "The guy is a crybaby, you did nothing wrong." JOE was my age, meaning he was 21 years old and he runs out of the room crying over a harmless comment like that. I never did apologize to him as I decided to just leave as I was honestly extremely angry over it. My friend gave me a ride home and said about how were never going to that guys place again if that's how they were going to be. Am I wrong to be angry over this. I don't feel guilty about what I said but rather I pity JOE. Never in my life have I made anyone cry and I have said some very hurtful things to people dating all the way back to primary school, and I cause a 21 year old to run crying out of a room like tonight over nothing. I'm pissed off right now more than you would ever believe. How did this guy grow up in one piece. I typed this in a hurry so excuse any routine spelling errors. Opinions?
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Old 05-28-2009, 11:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Weight is a touchy subject for a lot of people, especially if they're obviously not in shape.

To me this sounds like those situations where someone is poking fun at you, but you're expected to hide your true feelings behind a wall of laughter.

It's kinda like when some idiot needs to point out the fact that we're quiet by cracking a joke like "hey futures you're talking too much over there." My first reaction is to smile and play it off as a joke, but inside it pisses me off.

I think you should've apologized. He's the one that has the right to be angry, not you.
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Old 05-28-2009, 11:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I think a lot more of us on this forum would identify with Joe, honestly. I've always been extremely sensitive and insecure and coped by becoming emotionally numb in situations like that, and avoiding social situations in general.
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Breaking down crying is a bit ridiculous, but honestly, your joke was in pretty poor taste - especially in front of a bunch of other guys. I probably would've had a less severe, but still unpleasant and embarrassing reaction had I been in his position. And, to be blunt, I probably would've immediately decided you were an a-hole with little chance of that opinion ever changing.
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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You should have apologized. There's a difference between having a sense of humor and crossing the line IMO. Weight is a sensitive subject for a lot of people, I know if somebody commented to me about my image or weight it'd destroy me inside. It's also no different then when people joke about us with SA about being quiet or shy.. it hurts even if they don't think it does.
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Old 05-29-2009, 01:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Ouch. I guess you can only chalk it up to bad timing. Joe was trying to be serious and you basically insulted him in a joking manner. He might of took it differently if he knew you, but he was basically a stranger to you and normally people don't like being insulted by strangers. I would say to just be aware of how you joke with people's flaws in the future. Your friends may not mind, but that doesn't mean that someone else won't care.
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Old 05-29-2009, 02:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Sounds like you misjudged your delivery, timing, and audience.
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Old 05-29-2009, 02:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Would been best to apologize. If you get angry, when somebody hasn't done anything offensive, it's usually you. Yeah he is definitely over sensitive, but jokes aren't joke to everyone and see it the same as your friends will.
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Old 05-29-2009, 06:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I have to completely agree with everyone else. I think you should have apologized. I don't even see why you would even hesitate.
Sure, breaking down and crying might have been a little over the top, but you also have to wonder what was going through his mind at the time. Was he depressed, suicidal, having one of those days when everything just makes you want to cry? Had people been messing with him about his weight all day, all week, all his life? You can seriously only take so much. And it seems like he was trying to include himself in the conversation, if nothing else.
I love a joke as much as the next person, maybe even more, but when someone is being dead serious about something and is a stranger, it's best not to respond with those funny/rude jokes you'd make with a friend. And are you absolutely sure your friends are even comfortable with it. If I had friends and they were constantly joking about my weight, seriously, I wouldn't count them as friends.
It seriously reminds me of when I'm already upset or angry about something and make a comment about changing it, or fixing it, and someone says something like, 'Yeah, like you'd do it', or 'I'd like to see when that happens', or something along those lines and laugh their heads off, it makes me feel so bad. I wish I wouldn't have said it and had a hole to crawl into. And weight is a touchy subject, and if the guy was being serious about wanting to run and (maybe) try to become healthier, what at all was there to joke about? I don't get that. I feel this is exactly the type of thing that keeps people feeling down about themselves. Even if it was meant in a jest, it can still hurt as much as if you had meant to insult him.
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Old 05-29-2009, 06:58 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Not meaning to sound harsh, but that guy is in major need of some balls. Seriously, who cries when someone playfully makes fat jokes? Apart from 5 year olds of course.

I used to be a bit "on the chunky side" myself, but instead of becoming an oversensitive buzz-kill, I lost [most of] it. Problem solved.

You should've apologised simply to keep people from thinking you meant it maliciously, but still: what the hell?

Perhaps this guy was "special", if you know what I mean. It's the most logical explanation. If that was the case, you most definitely should've apologised.

It's also possible he had some sort of mental disorder and
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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That was not a harmless comment. If you're going to poke fun at someone, don't do so with such a potentially touchy subject (ie. something they may already be extremely self-conscious about).

And:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curb View Post
Sounds like you misjudged your delivery, timing, and audience.
...know who you're dealing with.
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:10 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Charlie View Post
Never in my life have I made anyone cry and I have said some very hurtful things to people dating all the way back to primary school, and I cause a 21 year old to run crying out of a room like tonight over nothing. I'm pissed off right now more than you would ever believe. How did this guy grow up in one piece. I typed this in a hurry so excuse any routine spelling errors. Opinions?
lol, no comment...
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:20 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I think I can understand both sides a little bit. You didn't mean any harm by it, it's just that you were talking to him like he was one of your long time friends, but he didn't really know you as well as them. Your friends probably know that it's just your personality type to joke that way and that you don't mean any harm, but somebody who just met you might think that he is being made fun of because you don't like him. On top of that he had just said he was interested in running, probably hoping you would ask him to join you.

I think you'll both feel better if you just apologize to him, even if he is overly sensitive.
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I wouldn't joke around about peoples weight. Your friends might laugh it off when your crackin jokes but inside they may be hurt by it. No need to make others insecure. Man, to be honest you dont seem like you care about other peoples feelings. The topic of this is "people with no sense of humor" don't expect people to say "haha yeah im overweight lets party man thats so funny" seriously. Weight is a very sensitive subject with some people. "How did this guy grow up in one piece?" come on man..he's obviously a sensitive person, nothin wrong with that. Heres the thing..you never know when what kind of reaction you'll get from someone when making comments like you do so its probably better if you dont make the comment at all. One of these days your going to make a comment like that to someone whos going to get pissed and wanna fight you. just bein honest with you. take care
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:47 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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You are wrong to be angry over this. Your fault. You made some assumptions which turned out to be wrong. You don't know what his history with weight has been like so don't go around saying he should just man up and laugh it off. Don't joke around with such sensitive topics until you know a person's boundaries. And when something offensive does slip out of you, man up and apologize. No one's gonna pat you on your back and say 'Hey, at least you apologized.', because the damage is done, but its still the right thing to do.

(I've had my moments too, so don't think I'm talking down to you off my high ground. I'm just being frank.)
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:53 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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You have to know a person very,very well in order to understand how a "joke" like that will be taken.- You should'nt have just assumed it would be fine-that said,remember this and learn from it.
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:54 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Teasing a friend is one thing, making a snide comment to a guy that you've only just met and as such have no idea what issues he might have or how he will take it is a whole other matter. And not apologising for it is unacceptable. He's not the one in the wrong here, you are. Accept responsibility for what you've done wrong instead of moaning to a freakin' message board like a spoilt child- and a message board full of people who are, considering why most of us are here, more than likely to side with the poor guy you upset.
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Old 05-29-2009, 09:01 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I think it's quite ironic that you have SA, and still at the same time surprised about someone else's sensitivity. Imagine if Joe were to joke about your social ineptitude while you were experiencing high anxiety. How would that make you feel?

You might not cry, but it would still make you feel sick inside.
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Old 05-29-2009, 09:07 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Wah wah wah, I'm with the topic starter on this one. Weight is something easily changed by laying off the Maccy Ds, it's not like he made fun of a spastic or something. People look down on smokers for their bad health decisions, how is this any different?

^ Social anxiety is something NOT easily changed. That is the difference between obesity and SA. It's not like you'll get a panic attack from switching fries for carrots. People eat for pleasure, people don't get pleasure from SA.
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Old 05-29-2009, 09:19 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by euphoria View Post
Wah wah wah, I'm with the topic starter on this one. Weight is something easily changed by laying off the Maccy Ds, it's not like he made fun of a spastic or something. People look down on smokers for their bad health decisions, how is this any different?
Making fun of either of those is not helpful if they will take it personally.
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