People think im arrogant because i ignore them - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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People think im arrogant because i ignore them

But its really the opposite and im hurting on the inside because anxiety makes me do stupid antisocial things.

The big two problems that make it seem this way:

I become quiet at public places, like when we go eat, who wants to eat with the guy who won't speak.

I don't greet people properly. I assume they don't recognize me, or its someone else, or they don't know me well enough to say hi. Then I can't seem to smile, wave, or say whats up, or respond properly.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 01:09 PM
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I'm in exactly the same situation, people think I'm some sort of recluse and arrogant because my anxiety is preventing me from socialising with people I don't know too well, and like you said, it does hurt when people don't understand your situation. I find it difficult to trust others, and on first meeting me, most people think I am ignorant and difficult to speak to. The hardest thing when your socially anxious is to make the first move, or speak in the presence of groups of people.

I live on a military base, and it's difficult to live amongst others and have social anxiety, life seems to be one constant test. Have you got many people you can speak to about current circumstances etc?
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 01:34 PM
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Have others called you arrogant? Sometimes, we assume what others think about us, usually thinking the worst. However, I understand what you are going through. I feel the same way.

Often I won't greet others unless they acknowledge me first. Then, I'm able to say hi and wave, but after that I don't really make much of an effort to be friendly. I'm worried that they'll ask me personal questions, or that they'll notice that I'm extremely nervous.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 01:39 PM
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^That's what I was going to say, It is an assumption.

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 02:00 PM
im lost can u help me?
 
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i think we worry too much *hint* anxiety

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 05:07 PM
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SAME. I feel so guilty about acting that way because I know it hurts other peoples feelings sometimes.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 05:10 PM
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I have the same problem. Quite a few people have told me they thought I didn't like them because I was so cold and quiet the first time we met. But that isn't the case at all! It's just that when I meet people I assume they don't care about meeting me or getting to know me, and that if they try to talk to me it's just them being nice. Which typing that out seems so ridiculous, but that's pretty much what goes on in my head. I have a constant stream of self-doubt running through my head on a daily basis. "This person doesn't really want to talk to you," "why did you say that?," "you're an idiot," etc etc.

This doesn't just happen when I'm meeting people, it happens occassionally even with my friends. I just assume they have no interest in me.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 06:04 PM
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I have been accused of being arrogant. But nothing could be farther from the truth. I avoid people in an effort to not get anxious, therefore I am reluctant to initiate conversations. These people just don't understand what we are going through, so they label us.

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That you don't need me anymore
I want you to know
You don't need anyone, anything at all

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Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 06:43 PM
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You know, I probably wasn't arrogant before, but as I get more and more used to being the "quiet" one, I am getting arrogant. I just don't care anymore.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 07:40 PM
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the same for me but i cant help it.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 08:06 PM
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There are few things that hurt more than others believing you to be something you're not. Something you don't want to be. It's almost like being accused of a crime you didn't commit. In those situations I like to remind myself that those people judging my actions wrongly are judging just that, my actions, not me. Who I am and my beliefs and motivations. All it takes is changing your outward behavior to align more closely with your intentions, and those people will be brought around. And if not them, then others.
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