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Old 03-04-2007, 12:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default People get angry at me for no apparent reason

I've had this happen to me several times. Not terribly often, but often enough to take notice. People who have been (or appeared to have been) friendly to me suddenly turn hostile Does that happen to anyone? Could it be that my SA vibes send a negative message and the other person thinks I'm angry at them, don't like them, or something else?
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Old 03-04-2007, 02:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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This occasionally happens to me too.
I think the combination of being awkward, being too shy to speak, and not smiling enough gives the impression of disliking someone or not wanting their company.
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Old 03-04-2007, 04:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default re: People get angry at me for no apparent reason

I think it's because when you hang out with people and don't say anything they feel like they're being used by you, like you're just hanging out with them because you think they're "at your level". This would cause anyone subconscious anger
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Old 03-08-2007, 01:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default re: People get angry at me for no apparent reason

i think people can just be idiots and nasty. im convienced people can sense weakness and social anxiety would be considered a weakness and an easy target. people are cowards. they dont challenge those who are as confident as them.
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Old 03-08-2007, 01:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: People get angry at me for no apparent reason

Quote:
Originally Posted by polsar
I've had this happen to me several times. Not terribly often, but often enough to take notice. People who have been (or appeared to have been) friendly to me suddenly turn hostile
Oh my gosh yes, this happens to me so much that I've become afraid of anyone who seems friendly because I have to assume it will happen again.

With me I think it's more because of this: I put myself down so much that people inevitably get fed up with it and don't want to know me any more and often put me down to the same extent or more in order to get rid of me. Note to self: stop putting self down.
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Old 03-11-2007, 11:56 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Old 03-11-2007, 03:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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This has happened to me before and I do think that it sometimes has something to do with how people perceive quiet people. They may actually think I don't like them because I don't make much of an effort. However, I also have seen myself misinterpret people's emotions and think that they are angry or that they dislike me when in fact, that's not the case. A few of the people who I've become friends with started out being people I thought disliked me. So...sometimes, you just can't tell what people are thinking. I mean, obviously, if they are overtly hostile, then that's a different situation. But, if you just perceive anger or dislike, it might not be the case at all. People always seem to think that they know what someone else is thinking. I try not to do this anymore because I don't really like it when other people think they understand what's going on with me without having any idea.
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Old 03-11-2007, 06:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: People get angry at me for no apparent reason

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Originally Posted by anxiouslittleme
i think people can just be idiots and nasty. im convienced people can sense weakness and social anxiety would be considered a weakness and an easy target. people are cowards. they dont challenge those who are as confident as them.
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Old 03-11-2007, 08:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: People get angry at me for no apparent reason

Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiouslittleme
i think people can just be idiots and nasty. im convienced people can sense weakness and social anxiety would be considered a weakness and an easy target. people are cowards. they dont challenge those who are as confident as them.
Exactly. I'm going through something similar right now.
I think such a person, sensing self conciousness, may also be inclined to have their respect for you diminish over time until things hit rock bottom.
Some people just like and need to feel superior to others.

This may be coupled with their notion that you cannot carry your own weight too well in social settings because of SA and they will blow you off in turn for the sake of their "image."

In the past "freinds" have treated me nicely one day then treated me like crap the next and I foolishly went back for more.
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Old 03-12-2007, 11:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default re: People get angry at me for no apparent reason

I can't speak for anyone else, but part of my SAD is trying to please people and also being bent toward paranoia when in reality if they're angry or disinterested it often has nothing at all to do with me. We tend toward the perception that everyone is looking, everyone is judging us..so when someone reacts negatively we're inclined to think we caused it, but since our perception is off we can't really know that, can we? One thing i do know is that my life and my problems aren't that important to other people..often i think they are focusing on me, when in reality they're obsessed with their own problems-just like i am.
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: People get angry at me for no apparent reason

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Originally Posted by dani
I can't speak for anyone else, but part of my SAD is trying to please people and also being bent toward paranoia when in reality if they're angry or disinterested it often has nothing at all to do with me. We tend toward the perception that everyone is looking, everyone is judging us..so when someone reacts negatively we're inclined to think we caused it, but since our perception is off we can't really know that, can we? One thing i do know is that my life and my problems aren't that important to other people..often i think they are focusing on me, when in reality they're obsessed with their own problems-just like i am.
That's really well said. I often tend to think people are reacting to me because of something I did, when it could often just be something that's going on in their own lives.
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Old 11-10-2012, 10:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default This is a very old thread but I got a response

I have the same problem and my brother is a Psychiatrist. He was telling me that when I don't have eye contact, the other person thinks that I am acting arrogant or more superior than the other person. That is why they get angry.

The best thing is to make eye contact to ensure that you are not blowing off the person you are talking to.
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Old 11-11-2012, 01:03 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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It only happened to me once. A girl was flirting with me, and I didn't know how to flirt back. I think she took this to mean I was blowing her off, and she got visibly upset. It kinda sucked since she was cute and I'd have been more than happy to flirt with her if I was capable.

I think the suggestion about eye contact might be on the mark, and explain why most people just get bored and lose interest in me as opposed to getting angry. I still can't make proper conversation with any stranger who tries to start one with me, but I can make eye contact, which at least makes it clear that I'm listening. I think my lack of response and general awkwardness comes across as me being boring or stupid rather than rude because of it. I guess that's not much better, but at least people don't get angry at me

Eye contact is a good place to start with improving your social skills. I had as much trouble with it as anyone when I was younger. Here's the thing: I'm sure you've had millions of people tell you to force yourself to go out and talk to people to get over your SA, as have I. Like me, I'm sure you've noticed that it's not that simple... just because you force yourself to walk up to somebody and try to start a conversation doesn't mean the right words to say magically appear in your head. Fighting SA in general is much more complicated than simply choosing to ignore the fear.

Fortunately, the eye contact thing at least really is as simple as making the choice to do it. I know how scary and unpleasant it is; it feels like the person can see through your eyes into your soul and learn all your dark secrets or something. But really, they can't, as you know. As much as you hate the thought of it, you need to simply choose to make your eyes point at the other persons' eyes despite how uncomfortable it is. It's hard at first, and you'll automatically look away quickly, but as you keep forcing yourself it will get easier and easier.
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Old 12-12-2012, 08:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Lightbulb hmm

I too struggle with this same scenario for my entire life. I was very unpopular in school, and people are always angry with me. I play by the book, I follow the rules, I abide the law. And most everything that I say and do is logical and efficient. I am a female, a Network Engineer, and somewhat of a Type A personality. I do everything "the right way". It never crosses my mind to cheat on my husband, Im at work on time, if I make a promise- I keep it, I am dependable and trustwrthy. Yet, in spite of all of these qualities, people STILL dislike me and I am not sure why. I mull it over time and again. I don't let people play games with me though...like guilt trips and etc. I don;t give people positive reactions for negative actions. I also don't play games with people and I say what I mean and mean what I say.. but I find that people often read or interpret alterior motives or insults into very simple things that I say when NONE was intended. I often find that people are too easily falsely flattered by smooth words and sentiments, and "sugar coating" and going 10 miles around the bush to say something smiple. And I find that a lot of people are into "mind games". I am more of a direct person - but I am not mean or hateful. Sometimes I bluntly and calmly say somehting to someone, and you would think that Id slapped them... but the same person I've seen react more humbly when someone yelled and cursed at them. It's like no one knows how to handle or react to being told something either withoutyelling and angry cursing - or by a massive amount of sweet talking. Im neither of those extremes.. I say what i have to say and keep moving.
In some of the other folks scenarios above.. I see for example.. a person described a situation where a girl flirted with him and he wasn't sure how to flirt back, and she became angry. Well, my first inclinatin is: why did she become angry? Is she insecure? Did she assume or know that you are single or available? Why did she not assume that maybe he did not know how to flirt back, or that he got her signals, or that he was or was not interested? I take it that she assumed that he was not interested and she became angry... and that makes me wonder why is this person so insecure? Why does she feel the need that this man MUST like her, otherwise feel the wrath of her anger? I personally would not want to be dating a person like that because it seems to me that they would be a tremendous emotional burden on a constant basis. One of the types that questions you as soon as you get home, "why didn't you call me today? what were you doing? Oh I guess you don't love me? I uess you don't think enough about me to call at least ONCE today?" and gets angry about not receiving a single phone call.. when you were busy at work or something.
A lot of people I find to be extremely emotionally needy and insecure.
Having said that: I wonder if I am insecure? Otherwise why would I be on this forum second guessing myself to the point that I have sought out online support from this community? I feel pretty secure and confident in most aspects. I grew up taunted in school as I have albinism. Im used to being an outcast, stared at, hated for no reason (so being disliked isn't really a threat to me).. but still my family instilled a lot of confidence in me, and I am a winner in life. I am educated, smart, and successful. I dont always know how to act in public, or know what to say, and I often feel awkward. However, I am genuine and straight forward. I don't feel the need to go out of my way to stroke people's egos for no reason, or to give them credit for things which they clearly do not deserve.
So I am still struggling with figuring out.. is it me.. or is it "them"?
ANywayone else here shares these same traits, or thoughts? Am I normal.. or mentally disturbed?
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