People Don't Talk To Me? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-21-2011, 11:19 PM Thread Starter
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People Don't Talk To Me?

I have noticed something, in my classes (college) people don't ever really talk to me or even try to initiate conversation with me- ever.

I see people all around me who don't know each other as it's the start of the semester introducing themselves to each other, but no one ever talks to me.

I don't know why though? I look pretty good I think, I also dress (if I may so myself) exceptionally well. I'll usually wear a button down, tie, sweater or a vest, sport coat, or a blazer, with khakis or some nice fitted jeans, and a nice watch.

I have been thinking about it, and I don't really get it? My only thoughts are that I may come off as too intimidating for people to initiate conversation with me? Or perhaps they think I'm just bizarre for dressing so nicely, when most of them dress like slobs, lol. Only other thing I could think of is, the fact that I always have a very serious look on my face, and I don't really smile too much.

Ideas?
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-21-2011, 11:32 PM
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Lots of it is body language. You may just be coming off as unapproachable.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 02:03 AM
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I'm pretty sure it's the serious look. I'm pretty sure that's it...
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 02:13 AM
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Maybe your body language?

You can try to appear more relaxed and happy with your life...( you gotta figure this one out)

Also why not try being the initiator for a change and see if that garnishes any results
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 07:11 AM
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Maby you just need more confidence it's really about mixing with the right people, I know the feeling of not fiting in. And anyway I think its awsome how you dress well.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 07:35 AM
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Probably body language. If you look serious and tense, or unhappy people aren't gonna want to talk to you. I used to be like that most of the time... these days i'm quite often happy and relaxed and people react in a much more friendly manner.

If you are dressing a lot nicer than everyone around you though that could be intimidating?


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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 09:25 AM
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Maybe try talking to them. If you wait to be approached it will take a lot longer to meet people IMO.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 09:36 AM
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smile a bit more, it's school . . . no need to look like you work for the big 4. Personally I wouldn't change my look. But Look around you, people go to school in PJs, wearing flip flops looking like they just got out of bed, they wear mickey mouse shirts, etc lol I think you being well dressed intimidates your classmates a bit.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 09:36 AM
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I think body language has a lot to do with it, as i've had similar problems throughout my life. That said even when i make the first move i still find that people ignore me afterwards. I guess if you are not comfortable in everyday situations around people people detect this and are probably a bit put off by it.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 10:18 AM
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To be honest I would tone down how u dress. A tshirt and jeans will suffice. Although I dress down and face the same issue, i thinks its also body language and u have to talk to people. U have to take initiative, thats the hard part but the most important.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 02:41 PM
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I feel the exact same way in my college. I even feel like girls are looking at me, but are intimidated by me. I don't know what it is! I fake laugh at the teachers jokes too! I don't know, but it doesn't seem like anyone has really ever approached me before.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 04:17 PM
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I tend to echo what some of the others said above; I would dress down a little bit more...a blazer seems a little too formal to me...sneakers, jeans, and a nice sweater/hoodie might make you seem more approachable.

Also, try to sit next to people who are sitting alone/seem quiet as well and come up with pretenses to talk to someone. You could pretend you missed something the professor and strike up conversation that way...just smile and say 'excuse me, i missed what the professor just said...' or something similar and then compliment them, say 'youre awesome thank you!'
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the advice, I'll probably keep my clothes as they are though, (I don't really have any "less formal" clothes) But I guess it's just about me being the one to be a tad more open?

Now I gotta figure out how to do that. :-\
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 07:59 PM
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I agree with the other posters, it's probably your body language and the expression on your face. Like you I always have this "standoffish" vibe about me and my face usually has a "don't mess with me" look on it, so most people just don't approach me. I notice when I loosen up and smile, people tend to talk, approach, or smile back at me.
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