Parents called me a failure - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 08:25 AM Thread Starter
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Parents called me a failure

Last night I got into a really big spat with my parents.

My mom went in my room and found my tax refund check that I haven't deposited yet. It was from a few months ago and my mom freaked out and said that they were expired. She was mad that I didn't deposit into my bank account yet. I get why she's mad, I know most people would deposit that ASAP before it expires but sometimes my best way of saving $ is by forgetting its there. I know it sounds kinda dumb but it works for me. Anywho, she told my dad and they both got mad at me. I told them that the checks had my name on them and even if they were expired it was my problem not theirs. They got even more pissed off and started yelling. I'm 23 years old, lived on my own throughout college, but after school I moved back home with them while I get up on my own two feet. Even though for the most part they treat me like an adult there are moments when I notice they try to assert control over me like when I was a kid. This was one of those times. They started yelling telling me to leave and get out of the house. My dad told my mom to cut me off and not buy any food for me when she goes to the grocery store. My mom started yelling to my dad to take away my car so I won't have a way to get to work. Then my mom started yelling at me telling me I was a failure & that she could always tell and that I'm not going anywhere. She then questioned when I would ever move out and that I'm not wanted in their house.

It pisses me off when they get all crazy like this. When they get heated they get totally irrational and start saying anything they can to get to me...and honestly deep down it hurts my feelings. I don't want to hear that I'm not wanted where I'm living. If I had it my own way I would be living on my own but I just graduated college & I'm trying to become financially independent. It hurts when my mom says I'm a failure and she doesn't think I'll ever go anywhere in life. I don't even know why she says that because I went to college, I got a degree, and I'm working on trying to find a permanent career job. I have a full time job I love right now but I'm still temping hoping it will turn into something more. Honestly this job economy is really tough...just because one goes to college doesn't mean they are going to be able to afford their own home and land a good job right away.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 09:09 AM
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hard, i hear that too that we didn't accomplish stuff and yes am
older than you it sucks i can relate.
in my head thinking about being on my own , no more bashing
that if done nothing with my life , it would be like paradise.

those are the hardest steps to take action. you can plan for ages but
when you don't go over to taking action you won't get forward.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 10:30 AM
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Wow, that sounds awful. It's like someone kicking you when you're down. I've been there.

Here is what I think happened. They saw that you got a tax refund check and didn't cash it but let it expire. That's not normal. When your mom saw that she felt fear. Fear that you may have some kind of mental problem. She reacted with anger trying to shake you out of it or motivate you by giving you a kick in the butt.

When we grow up we realize our parents are human like us. Like us, they don't know what they're doing. Sometimes you grow up and you find out your parents know even less than you and behave even worse than you do.

You could try and talk to your mother and say, "When you said <insert quote> it really hurt my feelings. I felt like you don't want me around."

I was also unemployed for a long time after graduation. The key is not to give up. Oh, and lie on your resume. After a long unemployment one of my friends reworked my resume filling it full of lies and half truths. I got a job. You can't get a job without experience and you can't get experience without a job. Crazy world.

Take a deep breath. Keep your chin up. Tomorrow is another day.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 12:52 PM
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Your parents, base don this little moment in your life, are pretty hyprocritical and moronic. They say your a failure and will never move out, so they take your care so you cnat get to work to make money to move out....Of course you're not going anywhere if they take your freaking car away. I am int eh same position as you, accept my parents dont give me **** because they make me pay rent. it isnt even a parent/child relationship anymore. it is more landlord/tenant. In fact, I am 23, saving money so I cna move out as well. good luck man. You should tell your parents not to put you down and try and help you out and encourage you.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 12:58 PM
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They started yelling telling me to leave and get out of the house. My dad told my mom to cut me off and not buy any food for me when she goes to the grocery store.
Are you sure he said that ?
If yes, you are in deep trouble. How many dads, or parents will let their kids to not eat, cut from foot, dye from starvation ? I dont think so, or I dont get it right !?
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 02:41 PM
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I would probably move out and just cut them off. (I have done something like that. Well, I'm on the streets, but at least it is a little more peaceful).

I no longer have the energy for people who just want to bring you down and keep you down.

That said, You really should have deposited your check. :P
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 02:56 PM
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Next time I have them direct deposit your refund
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 04:27 PM
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Honestly your parents sound like pieces of s***. If you have a degree and a job at 23 and you're trying to continue your professional career, you're already more successful than the average person. Especially if you deal with anxiety as well. You could try to show them that you're doing your best in life and that them threatening to cut you off for no reason isn't helping anyone.
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