Online dating is even more depressing than offline dating

[nihlanth1]

I dont get it? Are all women the same or something? Or am I just that unattractive?

I keep sending messages to women on these sites, trying to be brief, relaxed and funny (maybe Im not funny). 90% of the time they dont even bother to reply. I mean, I would rather them tell me off or say they arent interested in chatting, but come on, they dont even bother to respond. The other 10% respond with a one word message, and then dont respond to any prior messages that I am sending them.
It has hard to believe that all of them would be bombarded with so many messages that they would ignore mine. Even so, I try to message the newest members even if they dont have a pic posted and I get the same results. WTF is wrong with me?

In offline dating, at least the women say something like "I already have a boyfriend" or "No, thanks". But online they dont bother.

[unusual condition]

Do you have a picture posted? If you don't, then they simply won't respond.

[xyzhousexyz]

I to have frequented online sites of this nature. Same crap bro, It's not you, well it is but not in a bad way. Most girls DON'T talk to people they don't know, and the ones that do are looking to hook up. I am a fairly attractive guy, I'm not into myself like that but I know I'm quite the looker and i get the same treatment you get. And YES they are all the same, is the problem. But a lil more insight I have a friend who is fairly good looking as well BUT the difference is he is physically fit, with six pack and all, He gets gallows of responses and dates and have hooked up via these sites countless times. I hate to lean towards it's all about looks because it won't make you feel any better about your looks but remember i am fairly attractive and get nothing, but he is mister six pack, so he gets play. Girls on those sites are shallow dude, either quit trying or get a six pack.

[nihlanth1]

Originally Posted by xyzhousexyz

I to have frequented online sites of this nature. Same crap bro, It's not you, well it is but not in a bad way. Most girls DON'T talk to people they don't know, and the ones that do are looking to hook up. I am a fairly attractive guy, I'm not into myself like that but I know I'm quite the looker and i get the same treatment you get. And YES they are all the same, is the problem. But a lil more insight I have a friend who is fairly good looking as well BUT the difference is he is physically fit, with six pack and all, He gets gallows of responses and dates and have hooked up via these sites countless times. I hate to lean towards it's all about looks because it won't make you feel any better about your looks but remember i am fairly attractive and get nothing, but he is mister six pack, so he gets play. Girls on those sites are shallow dude, either quit trying or get a six pack.

Thank you for your insight, it really helped.

I do have a six pack when I flex my abs. And if I lost 5-10 lbs they would be very visible (almost there). But I dont like posting half-nude pics - and I wouldn't want to befriend, or date a girl who posts half-nude pics on her profile either. I only posted several pics of my face. Maybe I should just give in to the shallowness and post a full-body pic in a tight shirt or wife-beater just to ease the loneliness. Bah!

[mrschips]

Haha, well I've got a bit of a female perspective on the matter, but it's coming from a fellow SA-er, so it probably doesn't translate to the 'real world'.

I signed up on a dating site like two weeks ago for the first time ever, sort of because I'm lonely, but mostly out of curiosity to see what it's all about/how they work. I haven't responded to even one of I think five or six attempted contacts because I have no actual intention of meeting up with anybody (too chicken) and because I set up the account on a whim/low day, and now have no real interest in it.

So I haven't not responded because I'm a *****, or shallow, but because I'm chicken and an idiot. So maybe all the women you've contacted so far are just idiots and it has nothing to do with you. Haha, I don't know if that helps in any way, but there you have it.

[JS86]

Originally Posted by nihlanth1

Online dating is even more depressing than offline dating.

That is because there are way more males than females on dating websites. It is a lot more competitive online than offline.

[aviationboy]

Originally Posted by JS86

That is because there are way more males than females on dating websites. It is a lot more competitive online than offline.

That is true, I have seen a lot of girls who write things like "if you are over 30 please stop contacting me" etc. I think there are a lot of old perverts trying to pick up young girls in early 20s etc. Once again the minority ruin it for the rest of us!

Although despite that, I still haven't had much success. I always assumed that online dating was the 'last resort', meaning you don't have much success in real-world dating and now you are here. I also assumed that women would be a little less picky, or at least open to different people (i.e nice guys) who are more likely to treat them better. Fatal mistake!

"I want a nice guy!" "No jerks/players please!" - all garbage. I'm not a player (gee, i wish!), I am a nice guy with a good job and a lot going for me (like a lot of people on this forum), yet i struggle to even get a few replies on those wretched websites. I have found that even though they say those things, they still seem to be seeking out a tall/muscly/good looking bad boy.

Furthermore, online dating consists of the following groups of people:
1.) extremely ugly/obese
2.) extremely desperate (also see point one)
3.) crazies
4.) those seeking ego boost

I know where you are coming from though.. it doesn't do much for ones self esteem when you can't even get a date online. *sigh*

[jane]

Originally Posted by aviationboy

I also assumed that women would be a little less picky, or at least open to different people (i.e nice guys) who are more likely to treat them better. Fatal mistake!
"I want a nice guy!" "No jerks/players please!" - all garbage. I'm not a player (gee, i wish!), I am a nice guy with a good job and a lot going for me (like a lot of people on this forum), yet i struggle to even get a few replies on those wretched websites. I have found that even though they say those things, they still seem to be seeking out a tall/muscly/good looking bad boy.

Furthermore, online dating consists of the following groups of people:
1.) extremely ugly/obese
2.) extremely desperate (also see point one)
3.) crazies
4.) those seeking ego boost

I read this again and again from people (and yourself) on this forum: "I'm a nice guy. Women don't like nice guys." I'd really like to know what the definition of "nice guy" is.
Is it someone who doesn't beat up women? Someone who doesn't use drugs? Someone who doesn't use women? Because if a nice guy is just someone who doesn't have a criminal record, that's setting the bar extremely low. If that's the definition, then many guys are "nice" and it in no way sets you apart.
Is it someone who pays for dinner? Who holds open doors? Who brings you flowers? Who calls you several times a day to hear the sound of your voice? Then it sounds like a nice guy is insecure and has low self-worth, someone who lives for the approval of others and needs constant reassurance, someone who needs others to like him because he doesn't like himself.
And finally, if the "nice guy" is such a catch, why is it assumed that women don't like nice guys? What exactly is wrong with women, that they wouldn't want to be with someone as special as the "nice guy"? Are we stupid? Are we shallow? Are we cruel?

[nihlanth1]

Originally Posted by mrschips

Haha, well I've got a bit of a female perspective on the matter, but it's coming from a fellow SA-er, so it probably doesn't translate to the 'real world'.

I signed up on a dating site like two weeks ago for the first time ever, sort of because I'm lonely, but mostly out of curiosity to see what it's all about/how they work. I haven't responded to even one of I think five or six attempted contacts because I have no actual intention of meeting up with anybody (too chicken) and because I set up the account on a whim/low day, and now have no real interest in it.

So I haven't not responded because I'm a *****, or shallow, but because I'm chicken and an idiot. So maybe all the women you've contacted so far are just idiots and it has nothing to do with you. Haha, I don't know if that helps in any way, but there you have it.

That makes sense to a certain degree, but at the same time it doesn't make sense. It just annoys me that people goto a dating site for reasons other than dating. Also, it is not exptected to immediately meet the person you are chatting with - if you decide to meet at all. You can just chat with the person to get to know them better. If you dont see any flickers of chemistry when you're chatting with them, you can surely decide not to meet them ever. It is not a crime to decline to meet someone afer chatting with them. I just think it is rude to not even acknowledge a sincere message that is sent to you- Chicken or no chicken

All the chicks on the dating website surely cant all be chickens?
(sorry couldnt resist! )
I greatly appreciate your input though.

[tigerlilly]

you message new members even if they haven't posted pictures? maybe i'm just weird, but i would probably not respond if i were them because i'd be wondering why you messaged me.

[GoldenGray]

I've signed up for a couple of dating sites before, because I was lonely and wanted to meet new people. I'm guilty for being one of those women who would ignore over half of the guys that would message me. Not because of their looks, but because I'd get so many really short messages. I'd only pay attention to the ones who would put some effort in and tell me a little about themselves. Otherwise, if I'd message the ones back that would send me a one sentence message, the conversation would usually lead to no where. Imagine going through that same routine a couple dozen times. It gets old really fast. Lol.

[fluidglide]

for all the guys who want to find that special person, please go to the relationship section and read my message.

[unusual condition]

Originally Posted by tigerlilly

you message new members even if they haven't posted pictures? maybe i'm just weird, but i would probably not respond if i were them because i'd be wondering why you messaged me.

Why would you be on that site if you didn't want to be messaged? Huh?

[Some Russian Guy]

Originally Posted by xyzhousexyz

Girls on those sites are shallow dude, either quit trying or get a six pack.

i concur to that

[LostPancake]

well, this explains a lot - i had no idea women cared that much about abs, lol. i gotta start doing more situps.

[shyvr6]

If they love six packs then I'm sure they'll go crazy for kegs. Woo, let it all hang out, lol.

[nothing to fear]

Originally Posted by LostPancake

well, this explains a lot - i had no idea women cared that much about abs, lol. i gotta start doing more situps.

haha yea neither did i.

[ellektra]

Originally Posted by mrschips

Haha, well I've got a bit of a female perspective on the matter, but it's coming from a fellow SA-er, so it probably doesn't translate to the 'real world'.

I signed up on a dating site like two weeks ago for the first time ever, sort of because I'm lonely, but mostly out of curiosity to see what it's all about/how they work. I haven't responded to even one of I think five or six attempted contacts because I have no actual intention of meeting up with anybody (too chicken) and because I set up the account on a whim/low day, and now have no real interest in it.

So I haven't not responded because I'm a *****, or shallow, but because I'm chicken and an idiot. So maybe all the women you've contacted so far are just idiots and it has nothing to do with you. Haha, I don't know if that helps in any way, but there you have it.

I am the same way. I actually paid for 3 months on Eharmony and talked to a few people online, but chickened out when they wanted to talk on the phone. It made me realize online dating isn't for me, even if I can get to know the person before meeting them. Even though I'm no longer paying for the service and I don't even log on -- I still get emails telling me "Soandso has winked at you, etc", I'm not really sure why I am still getting them as I am no longer paying and I can't talk to them anyway. I wouldn't take it to heart if you don't get a response back -- perhaps other people are not able to respond either.

[mrfixit]

online it's totally different then in real life. you think getting an answer back the hard thing, you need to get past that to notice how most online females seem to be in a 'zoombie' state (those who have been online for a long time seem to be this way). you need to entertain them or say something funny to get a reaction from them. then when you do, she turns out to be some fake female pretending to be someone she is not (fake pictures, fake personality, lying about her looks and weight). plus, if you are funny or in a good mood they seem to feed on this like a vampire so they can feel better about themselves and around their online friends. i avoid these females when i go online like i avoid stepping on dog sh1t. i should point out that i've only been hanging in chat rooms, found my ex through a chat female i talked to.

[Sam M.]

Originally Posted by jane

I read this again and again from people (and yourself) on this forum: "I'm a nice guy. Women don't like nice guys." I'd really like to know what the definition of "nice guy" is.
Is it someone who doesn't beat up women? Someone who doesn't use drugs? Someone who doesn't use women? Because if a nice guy is just someone who doesn't have a criminal record, that's setting the bar extremely low. If that's the definition, then many guys are "nice" and it in no way sets you apart.
Is it someone who pays for dinner? Who holds open doors? Who brings you flowers? Who calls you several times a day to hear the sound of your voice? Then it sounds like a nice guy is insecure and has low self-worth, someone who lives for the approval of others and needs constant reassurance, someone who needs others to like him because he doesn't like himself.
And finally, if the "nice guy" is such a catch, why is it assumed that women don't like nice guys? What exactly is wrong with women, that they wouldn't want to be with someone as special as the "nice guy"? Are we stupid? Are we shallow? Are we cruel?

And this is why you just can't win being nice.