Nightclubs - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 10:03 AM Thread Starter
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Nightclubs

I may not know the meaning of life but I do know what it isn't. Being alone.
I spend too much time alone. It's always been like this as far back as I can remember. All I've ever wanted was to fit in and be accepted.
I've always had these fantasies that something amazing would happen and suddenly people would finally notice me, that I'll stop being invisible and insignificant in their eyes. But that never happened.

A "friend" keeps dragging me to nightclubs to meet women but I'm always hesitant, even when I'm talking to them. Deep down I know they won't like me because so far no one has. They always politely excuse themselves and leave, and I'm left feeling like a reject. I try to not let it bother me but it does. I walk home and I wonder why I'm alone and everyone is with someone. I wonder why I'm still a virgin when I've tried so hard for so many years. I wonder how it's possible no one likes me. Am I so ugly? dumb? weird?
Or am I just unlucky?

I'll go through periods where I just stop trying to meet women altogether, whether it be online or in real life. But eventually the loneliness catches up to me and I'm forced back to the clubs (or tinder) getting constantly rejected. It's a vicious circle. I'm trapped. The only thing that changes is my age. I feel like I'm becoming someone else. I've already lost most of my personality. I used to be hyper and fun but now I'm the opposite. Life has punched all of that out of me and now I'm just a fragment of who I used to be. These long years of being alone has put it's toll on my body and psyche.
It's really hard for me to be positive I feel like I'm always emotionally drained, like I'm dying inside but on the outside I look fine.
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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 10:27 AM
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All of this just because you can't get a girl? Your life is over just because you're still a virgin??

I Almost let go
I felt like I just couldn't take life any more
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down
But God held me close
So I wouldn't let go
God's mercy kept me
So I wouldn't let go
-Kurt Carr
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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 10:57 AM
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All of this just because you can't get a girl? Your life is over just because you're still a virgin??
And that's the problem with most guys, they think that being a virgin is a death sentence. I'm not going to lie I used to think the same until I lost it. After I lost it I realized how stupid and useless of a quest that was.

Unfortunately, I think most guys will be like me, until they don't get it done, they won't get the "that's it?" feeling.

I expected my life would be different or better, nope I was always the same. It's like the guys who think that having a gf will make them happy or change them, it won't.
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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 11:15 AM
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I'll be a junior in college this fall and I know exactly how you feel. Most of the time when I go out I leave early because the bar scene makes my social anxiety worse. I see my roommates and people around me go out every night and have a blast with each other and bring back girls but even when they invite me I don't want to go because I'd rather stay in at home on my computer where I'm safe and no one can judge me. I stopped going out as much as I used to and I always feel regret since college is supposed to be the time of my life.
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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 11:39 AM
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You are bound to meet many girls at nightclubs. If night clubs aren't your thing, try bar hopping. That wasn't exactly fun for me since I'm not much of a night owl, but I did end up meeting some nice people....and some pricks as well.
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 01:28 PM
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Well I'm looking forward to my ****ing life.

You can't talk yourself out of feeling fear, you can only face fear.
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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 02:16 PM
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All of this just because you can't get a girl? Your life is over just because you're still a virgin??
I'm not a virgin but not being able to find love is a big deal especially for someone like me who has no friends and no social life. What is life without love?
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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 02:56 PM
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I'm not a virgin but not being able to find love is a big deal especially for someone like me who has no friends and no social life. What is life without love?
I would ask a similar question but mine would be: what is life without God?

I Almost let go
I felt like I just couldn't take life any more
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down
But God held me close
So I wouldn't let go
God's mercy kept me
So I wouldn't let go
-Kurt Carr
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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 03:33 PM
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I almost went to a gay night club one time but i had a panic attack and cancelled. I still regret it. Idk. Thats just life and the cards we are dealt. We just got to do the best we can.
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 04:41 PM
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I almost went to a gay night club one time but i had a panic attack and cancelled. I still regret it. Idk. Thats just life and the cards we are dealt. We just got to do the best we can.
Are you gay? The only reason I ask is that I receive about 1000% more attention from men than women. If I was gay I don't think I'd have a problem finding people who found me physically attractive
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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 04:44 PM
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I would ask a similar question but mine would be: what is life without God?
Fair point. People have different goals in life but if I wanted to find god I could as I have family members who are religious. I want to find love but that is out of my control
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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 04:50 PM
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Are you gay? The only reason I ask is that I receive about 1000% more attention from men than women. If I was gay I don't think I'd have a problem finding people who found me physically attractive
Yep - super gay lol. Funny you should say that. I would have absolutely no problem getting into a relationship with with a woman. Before i came out of the closet and was still in denial about being gay i was engaged to a woman. I really did love her and she was my best friend. I knew if i couldnt make myself love her there was no way i was straight. I still think women are beautiful. But im gay. No doubt about that. And i accept that. But it sucks. I could have married my best friend except i was gay. Now, i really struggle with dating because im a mentally ill mess. So i really relate to what you are saying dude. Im sure youll find somebody one day. And if gay dudes find you attractive. You must be a real cutie.
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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 05:06 PM
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Fair point. People have different goals in life but if I wanted to find god I could as I have family members who are religious. I want to find love but that is out of my control
Do you have a job?
Are you financially sound?
Do you have confidence?
Do you practice good personal hygiene?
Do you dress yourself nicely?
Do you have a sense of humour?
Are you a good listener?
Do you have something to talk about?
Do you know how to make a girl feel special?
Can you make a commitment not to cheat?
If you've answered yes to the above, then you won't be single forever so don't worry.

I Almost let go
I felt like I just couldn't take life any more
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down
But God held me close
So I wouldn't let go
God's mercy kept me
So I wouldn't let go
-Kurt Carr
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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 05:18 PM
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If girls dont want you either try a new way to get them or try to learn to be content with being single. A lot of us are dying alone anyway, might as well try to do something about it and keep trying or face the facts and learn to be happy being single.
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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 05:19 PM
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I would ask a similar question but mine would be: what is life without God?
Maybe its life
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post #16 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 06:49 PM
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Maybe its life
Life without God is no life for me

I Almost let go
I felt like I just couldn't take life any more
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down
But God held me close
So I wouldn't let go
God's mercy kept me
So I wouldn't let go
-Kurt Carr
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post #17 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 10:27 PM
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Do you have a job? yes
Are you financially sound? yes
Do you have confidence? in most aspects of life but not when it comes to women
Do you practice good personal hygiene? yes I spend a lot of time looking after my appearance
Do you dress yourself nicely? yes I think so
Do you have a sense of humour? yes though it may be a bit different from most peoples
Are you a good listener? yes
Do you have something to talk about? I'm intelligent so I have things to talk about but I don't have an interesting life to reference
Do you know how to make a girl feel special? no not really. I consider myself to be a very kind and caring person though
Can you make a commitment not to cheat? yes I would never even consider it
If you've answered yes to the above, then you won't be single forever so don't worry.
I believe I have a lot to offer but sadly people don't see me that way. I accepted the possibility that I would always be alone quite a long time ago so I can probably live out my natural life without killing myself if I am alone for the rest of my existence. I sure hope you're right and I'm wrong though.
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post #18 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 10:36 PM
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I would ask a similar question but mine would be: what is life without God?
Perhaps God is love

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
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post #19 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 10:42 PM
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Yep - super gay lol. Funny you should say that. I would have absolutely no problem getting into a relationship with with a woman. Before i came out of the closet and was still in denial about being gay i was engaged to a woman. I really did love her and she was my best friend. I knew if i couldnt make myself love her there was no way i was straight. I still think women are beautiful. But im gay. No doubt about that. And i accept that. But it sucks. I could have married my best friend except i was gay. Now, i really struggle with dating because im a mentally ill mess. So i really relate to what you are saying dude. Im sure youll find somebody one day. And if gay dudes find you attractive. You must be a real cutie.
Wow that must have been a really tough situation breaking off an engagement with your best friend. I hope you two can always stay friends. Being heterosexual and having mental illness issues is enough for me to handle and I can't imagine how hard it would be to be facing difficulties with accepting my sexuality thrown in the mix so hang in there dude.

Yeah I'm not sure what gay guys find appealing about me. I'm tall and very thin and to be honest quite feminine in some ways so maybe I give off gay vibes. I have a very young looking face for my age so maybe that has something to do with it too? Hmm maybe we could swap brains so you can be with your girl and I can give those guys what they want lol
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post #20 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 12:04 AM
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Yep - super gay lol. Funny you should say that. I would have absolutely no problem getting into a relationship with with a woman. Before i came out of the closet and was still in denial about being gay i was engaged to a woman. I really did love her and she was my best friend. I knew if i couldnt make myself love her there was no way i was straight. I still think women are beautiful. But im gay. No doubt about that. And i accept that. But it sucks. I could have married my best friend except i was gay. Now, i really struggle with dating because im a mentally ill mess. So i really relate to what you are saying dude. Im sure youll find somebody one day. And if gay dudes find you attractive. You must be a real cutie.
Are you sure you didn't cancel the engagement because you worried that going through with it would not work out well in the long run because of your social anxiety? And the gay bit is just an easy way out?

I'm probably paranoid, but the thought crossed my mind while I was reading your post. It is plausible.
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