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Old 08-05-2006, 12:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default New job on Monday, scared to death!

So I finally get hired for a job at a hospital in the IT department. I am supposed to start Monday. I've been struggling with unemployment for several months now. So I should be happy, right?

I am visioning all of these scary things. I'm afraid freezing up on my first day and looking really incompentant. I'm imagining everyone there being rude to me because i'm the new guy there. Plus, the hospital is really huge so i'm scared about getting lost. I have a speech impedient, and it gets REALLY bad when i'm nervous. So i'm worried about that.

I *ALWAYS* do this. Every time I get a new job, I freak out. Most of the time I just dont show up for my first day because i've spent the entire night before worrying about it. Then I feel so bad for not showing up, and they usually call my house 50 times a day to find out why I didnt go.

I hate being at home with nothing to do, but its also my comfort zone. At home, I dont have to worry about being around people I dont know. I am usually alone. When im in public, I feel scared, anxious, and like im going to lose control.

I am so scared. I'm 31 years old, and this is getting embarrassing.

Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 08-05-2006, 12:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Congrats on getting a new job;-) it's always so hard, we work so hard to find a job, get discouraged, then, when we're offered a job, we get excited until we think, dang, I was hired, I'm gonna have to go;-) then what ifs set in.

Starting a new job is stressful for everyone, when you have SA I think it's twice as hard. I think most people are understanding when you're new on the job;-) no one expects perfection, I have found theres one or two people that go out of their way to try and help a new person without making one feel uncomforable;-) I have no wise words on the gettins lost aspect, I do this myself, I went to work in a nursing home once, "What took you so long' hangs head in shame, I literally got lost;-)

Heres a question for you, if you don't go, how are you going to feel? In the long run, wouldn't that be worse than the first day jitters? I ask that, because I have beat myself up badly for this
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Old 08-05-2006, 01:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: New job on Monday, scared to death!

Quote:
Originally Posted by impure
So I finally get hired for a job at a hospital in the IT department. I am supposed to start Monday. I've been struggling with unemployment for several months now. So I should be happy, right?

I am visioning all of these scary things. I'm afraid freezing up on my first day and looking really incompentant. I'm imagining everyone there being rude to me because i'm the new guy there. Plus, the hospital is really huge so i'm scared about getting lost. I have a speech impedient, and it gets REALLY bad when i'm nervous. So i'm worried about that.

I *ALWAYS* do this. Every time I get a new job, I freak out. Most of the time I just dont show up for my first day because i've spent the entire night before worrying about it. Then I feel so bad for not showing up, and they usually call my house 50 times a day to find out why I didnt go.

I hate being at home with nothing to do, but its also my comfort zone. At home, I dont have to worry about being around people I dont know. I am usually alone. When im in public, I feel scared, anxious, and like im going to lose control.

I am so scared. I'm 31 years old, and this is getting embarrassing.

Thanks for letting me vent.
I don't have any comfort to throw your way at the moment, i'm dealing with the samething. I start working in about 2 weeks and i'm already sweating bullets thnking about the 1st day. I'm worried that everybody is going to hate me, i'm worried about not being able to do the job, and i'm worried about eating with everybody else at lunchtime. The uncertainty is killing me. If i knew what to expect, i mit be fine.

Impure i also get tired of being home with nothing to do. It really gets to you. You just sit around and worry all day. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about all the negative things people have to said to be in the past. I tell you, i'm my own worst enemy. I want a better life but its soo scary. They put me on 1st shift so imma have to deal with people eveyday from 9-5, when i get home imma be tired and wired up thinking about the day and how it went. I won't have that much time to myself anymore. When i get off at 5pm, i gotta come home and deal with my Aunt. I won't be able to sleep at night worrying about work the next morning.

Impure on those days when you did show up on the 1st day for work, how did it go. Did it go better than expected. You know we always tend to think the worst . Basically, i'm trying to ask you, what were your past experiences with the 1st day at work like?? You should be proud of yourself for having jobs in the 1st place. I'm 23 and this will be my first job ever. I really got lucky because they were firing alot of illegal Mexicans and hiring like crazy. I lucked out. I'm terried though. This gone be like dealing with High School all over again
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Old 08-05-2006, 01:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Congrats! That is great. I think starting new jobs is always very stressful, just be positive.

I have let my SA get in the way of my career goals.
I really regret that. I was promoted to a new position at a company, but did not feel comfortable taking the promotion. I kept thinking "what if this, what if that" and decided that it was too much responsibility for me. I started to panic.

That was about 7 years ago and I really think that I would have done fine. I was just 2 years out of college, knew my job well, but was scared of succeeding!

Just try to be positive and let us know how it goes!
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Old 08-05-2006, 02:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Impure,

You are going to be fine - trust me - I am also in IT, but work with engineers. There is anxiety with starting a new job, it's common. We'll help you through that might come up.

Just smile, be friendly, and don't put too much pressure on yourself - you will have time to learn the position!

Good luck!
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Old 08-05-2006, 06:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Thanks guys. The feedback was really helpful. I think everyone is right. Which is worse, first day jitters or a lifetime of regret because I didnt go?

I'm constantly beating myself up for jobs I bailed on in the past. I really don't want to add to that regret.

I'm sure this has been said before around here, but it REALLY does help to know i'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm glad I posted about this. I will post how my first day went.

Thanks so much!
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Old 08-05-2006, 07:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Good luck with your first day! I definitely agree with everyone that asked the question of whether or not the feeling of not going to your job on the first day is worse than first day jitters. I start a new job on the 14th. I am definitely anxious. I am also moving next Saturday and I will be moving in with three girls whom I've never met before. I have a lot of changes coming up and I am so anxious. Well, good luck!!!
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Old 08-05-2006, 07:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emmak218
I start a new job on the 14th.

Yeah! I remember from your other post that you got that job! Congrats!! Wow new house and new job. If youre going to change your life around, guess its better to do it all at once, eh?
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Old 08-07-2006, 10:25 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I can relate so much to this thread because I'm starting a new job next Monday and I'm scared. I'm worried about getting along with my co-workers, being competent at my job, but mostly how I'm going to feel because in the past I would feel panicked every day at my job for months. That feeling was so stressful and painful that I would think about quitting every day. I'm trying to think positively and block any worrying thoughts that pop into my head but it's hard. I know I'm good at what I do because while I was in school I was confident in my abilities and that showed in my work. However now that I'm out in the real world with employers that can fire me based on my mistakes I don't have that confidence and find that I doubt my capabilities and knowledge.

Emmak218-It's comforting to know that at least one SAer will be going through all this with me on the same day.

Good luck to you both and post about your first days!
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Old 08-08-2006, 05:36 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Well i went in Monday, and got all of the new hire stuff out of the way. It was going pretty well and I was quite proud of myself for staying. Then, around noon, my boss tells me that I need to be on phone tech support for awhile.

The position was supposed to be more hands-on computer support, and thats why I accepted the job. But for a week or two I would listening on the techs taking calls to get a better idea of how they do things there. And eventually, TAKING calls. This scares me... ALOT. I was put in a small room with about 4 other individuals answering phones. My anxiety level went through the roof. They were nice people, but the idea of answering the phone of a raving lunatic on the other end who is angry their computer is broken just really scares me. Plus, I am afraid of stuttering on the phone with 4 people sitting right next to me.

The reason I took this job is because I thought the trouble tickets would already be handled by people before I got to it. It was up to me to go and actually do the computer fixes. That I can handle just fine.

So last night, I fell asleep only to wake up at 1am. I was sweating profusely, i was shaking, and I sure couldnt get back to sleep. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I was feeling really depressed that I have allowed myself to shutdown like this. It didnt matter how much i told myself "it's not that bad, just go back to sleep." I've been up since 1am and I knew I would NOT be able to function today. If I dont get 7 or 8 hours sleep, my speech impediment gets much worse. All I could think of to do was to call in and say I got sick unexpectedly. It's the only way I could think of to buy more time until I figured out what im going to do. I had to lie to my dad as well, since he doesnt understand my SA very well.

I spent the night thinking of just ending it all (i actually called a 24 suicide prevention number) or just running away in my car somewhere far away. I know I am running from things, buts it like my mind is on auto pilot and I cant stop myself. Now ive kept myself up all night, and im sure my bosses are mad at me for not coming in on my 2nd day.
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Old 08-08-2006, 06:17 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. I wish there was something we could do to ease your suffering. Is there anyway you think you could overcome your fear of being a phone tech? Do you take any meds that can reduce your anxiety? When I was in nursing school, my doctor put me on paxil to help with my anxiety. I was definitely more comfortable talking to patients and family members. Six months after I graduated and was working on a unit, I quit the paxil and have been off of it for a year. I still get anxious but the meds got me through a tough time.

Vicky
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Old 08-08-2006, 09:46 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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I started to realize last night while I was on the phone with the person at the 24 hr suicide prevention center, that I really do have something wrong with me and i think its out of my control. I need something to curb these irrational thoughts and behavior.

I made a doctors appointment today. I had to tell my dad that Im going because of severe stomach pains. He doesnt really understand my SA. Hes the type that believes you just got to go out there and just do it. So I think thats why I keep getting jobs and leaving them. I get the jobs because I know I need them, but then if I have to interact with people then I immediately freak out and run. After that, im more depressed than I was. This is the best way I can think of to describe what im going through. I know this has got to stop but I need help.
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Old 08-08-2006, 10:12 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Impure:

I had a job where part of my responsibility was answering the phone calls and customer service.
It was really hard. I learned to take the calls, but after about 4 years, I started getting really paranoid about the person on the other end of the line. Our company would receive lots of marketing calls and this made me paranoid. If the voice was not a familiar voice of a person that we did business with, then I would get off the phone asap.

I also have a dad that believes you just get tough and go out there and just do it. He just thinks I am being a wimp or something. Both of my parents were fine in the workforce and it seems that both my sister and I have SA to some degree. I have it the worse.

I know how you feel. When I was in my last job, we would have meetings around a conference table.
I was okay until it was my turn to speak or something. Then I would get all my words jumbled.
My mind would race and fear would take over.
Plus, the main bosses were very intimidating.

Do you plan to go back to that job?
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Old 08-09-2006, 02:23 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Sorry i havent responded back yet. Tuesday I went to the doctors and I was put on Paxil. I mean, i just KNEW at this point that I had to do something. My thinking and behavior has been irrational for a long time. Im always leaving jobs.

I didnt want to tell my employer that I was put on antidepressants, so I told him that I would be out most of the week because I got severely sick and that I did go to the doctor. As it turned out, they said for me to start monday and start fresh. He and his wife are having a baby this week, so he would be in and out this week anyway.

Plus, after finding all of this out, a friend of my fathers wants me to fix their computer tommorow. So, starting on monday really has worked out great.

So, I guess im going back monday which will allow the medication to start to kick in, and hopefully I can curb these irrational thoughts I keep having. Even if for some reason the job doesnt work out, I would like to have known that I at least tried.

Im still scared about starting monday (again!), but i'd be more scared about never getting over my SA if i keep leaving my jobs. This has to stop
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Old 08-10-2006, 03:10 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I hope everything will work out now. I'm on paxil cr.
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Old 06-22-2013, 05:27 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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This is a 7 year old thread, but I'm curious if impure ever went back to that job?
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Old 01-22-2014, 10:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I'm starting a new job this Monday and I feel the same way. I also wonder what happened to Impure
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