Narcissistic Sibling - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-27-2012, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
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Narcissistic Sibling

Anyone have a narcissistic sibling and if so how do you deal with them?
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 04:07 AM
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Originally Posted by poltergeistfan91 View Post
Anyone have a narcissistic sibling and if so how do you deal with them?
I do. i have 8 brothers and some of them are narcissistic.So when the come over I avoid being alone with them at all costs because they attack my self-esteem.

I'm just a silent man on his way to never-land
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 08:56 AM
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My older brother is narcissistic. It didn't help that my parents protected him my entire life. He has a problem with his temper and every time he blew up when I was a kid, I would get into trouble for "provoking" him.

The only way to deal with people like this is silence. Don't engage in even ordinary, routine conversation. I haven't spoken with my older brother in years, but I honestly don't miss him.

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 12:28 PM Thread Starter
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My older brother is narcissistic. It didn't help that my parents protected him my entire life. He has a problem with his temper and every time he blew up when I was a kid, I would get into trouble for "provoking" him.

The only way to deal with people like this is silence. Don't engage in even ordinary, routine conversation. I haven't spoken with my older brother in years, but I honestly don't miss him.

My oldest sister is narcissistic and I do not like her. Sometimes I think my life would greatly improve if she was not in it and I wouldn't miss her or her b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t. I feel the best way to deal with my sister is to not talk to her or hang out with her, which is fine by me, but I also have a nephew a niece, and a niece on the way. I love them so much and everytime she causes a problem with someone, say me for example, and I've really done nothing wrong, she'll say I am not allowed around her children. Or she'll threaten to keep them away, if I do not stop with the hurtfulness that I am causing her. I am never hurtful. She's always hurtful to me and my family. Then later she apologizes but the problem is she starts s.h.i.t. all over again. So the only downside to not talking to her is that I do not get to see them. I realize she's my sister and I even had this discussion with my dad about her yesterday. I love my sister but I do not like her. As fed up as we all are with her, my family just wants to move on and still associate with her but I do not. It's really sad to be honest. But my dad told me she's my sister and that I need to suck it up. But I hate being around her. Everytime she asks me to come over, it's not because she wants to hang out with me, it's because she really wants to sit me down and find out what everyone else in the family is saying about her. She lies all the time. Makes up things to get you to say things. She's manipulative. She is the world's biggest hypocrite, if they exist. Now when I am around her, I am not sure if she is putting on a show or if she truly cares about anyone. Everything has to be about her. She is always right, in her mind. She is never wrong. She claims she's not the problem, it's everyone else. I could go on and on but since your older brother is narcissistic I am sure you get what I am talking about. Sigh. It really depresses me. It's much worse because I feel inferior to her and I am not the one to speak up to her. I am just quiet when I am around her. She takes everything so personal and takes everything as negative critiscism to her. I don't know how to deal with her. It depresses me. She's not always bad but she causes so much crap, it annoys me.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 08:40 PM
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I'm sorry to hear that your sister is threatening to not to let you see your niece and nephew. That's really terrible. Maybe you could use her narcissism against her? Say something like, "Sis, you work so hard. Let me take the kids off your hands for a while. We'll go for ice cream. You deserve it." Even if they're babies, surely you could watch them by yourself for a bit? That way you could get some time with them without your sister.

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My oldest sister is narcissistic and I do not like her. Sometimes I think my life would greatly improve if she was not in it and I wouldn't miss her or her b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t. I feel the best way to deal with my sister is to not talk to her or hang out with her, which is fine by me, but I also have a nephew a niece, and a niece on the way. I love them so much and everytime she causes a problem with someone, say me for example, and I've really done nothing wrong, she'll say I am not allowed around her children. Or she'll threaten to keep them away, if I do not stop with the hurtfulness that I am causing her. I am never hurtful. She's always hurtful to me and my family. Then later she apologizes but the problem is she starts s.h.i.t. all over again. So the only downside to not talking to her is that I do not get to see them. I realize she's my sister and I even had this discussion with my dad about her yesterday. I love my sister but I do not like her. As fed up as we all are with her, my family just wants to move on and still associate with her but I do not. It's really sad to be honest. But my dad told me she's my sister and that I need to suck it up. But I hate being around her. Everytime she asks me to come over, it's not because she wants to hang out with me, it's because she really wants to sit me down and find out what everyone else in the family is saying about her. She lies all the time. Makes up things to get you to say things. She's manipulative. She is the world's biggest hypocrite, if they exist. Now when I am around her, I am not sure if she is putting on a show or if she truly cares about anyone. Everything has to be about her. She is always right, in her mind. She is never wrong. She claims she's not the problem, it's everyone else. I could go on and on but since your older brother is narcissistic I am sure you get what I am talking about. Sigh. It really depresses me. It's much worse because I feel inferior to her and I am not the one to speak up to her. I am just quiet when I am around her. She takes everything so personal and takes everything as negative critiscism to her. I don't know how to deal with her. It depresses me. She's not always bad but she causes so much crap, it annoys me.
Describes my brother perfectly. He once got into an argument and started hitting my arm, repeatedly, until it bruised so badly it took weeks to heal. He never apologized because, according to him, it was my fault for upsetting him. People like that are completely irrational. There's no reasoning with them.

The next time you fail, friend,
Straighten up and stand tall.
Far better that shame a hundred times over,
Than to have never failed at all.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 09:00 PM
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My sister is both manipulative and thinks she is always right. She spends about 60% of the time looking in the mirror after work. My relationship with her is peachy, on the proviso that I tiptoe around her - otherwise she is hell.

Family is blood, so my love for her is there. But as for liking her - no way. It irritates me when she frequently asks me to go out with her, because I know how she can make me feel.

She is quite the talent in the family (good at everything) and is generous with paying tabs. That's a good thing.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 11:13 PM Thread Starter
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My sister is both manipulative and thinks she is always right. She spends about 60% of the time looking in the mirror after work. My relationship with her is peachy, on the proviso that I tiptoe around her - otherwise she is hell.

Family is blood, so my love for her is there. But as for liking her - no way. It irritates me when she frequently asks me to go out with her, because I know how she can make me feel.

She is quite the talent in the family (good at everything) and is generous with paying tabs. That's a good thing.

I have a problem saying no to people including my sister and when she calls me up to ask me to come stay at her house, I always say yes because I am afraid that if I tell her the truth, and say, "No, I don't want to come over", she'll think something is wrong and then go crazy, lol.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2012, 11:34 PM
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I am that narcissistic sibling I think. Their methods involve ignoring me and letting me do whatever I want as long as I don't bother them.

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-07-2012, 12:16 AM
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Stop Giving them sop much power!

Learn that they only have as much power as you give them. So they shout at you? If they do the phone gets put down, or you walk away. If they get violent they spend the night in jail.

Narcissists will respond to boundaries being placed on them (you have to keep placing them as they don't have internal boundaries).

It is up to you to set these boundaries. They don't have any themselves so they have to be set externally. You will notice that those people they either don't interact with or treat well set these boundaries for them. Or society sets them.


I have a sister with NPD. She gets disconnected with if she is rude to me and publicly humiliated if she attacks me. She gets love and attention when she acts well.

It has transformed our relationship. She still isn't a very nice person but I can interact with her occasionally and on my terms.

By the way: Violent narcissists are abusive criminals. If you don't stop them with either psychiatric intervention or the force of the law (or threatening that they will get arrested/ be sectioned) you are responsible for their next victim. That is the only way you can protect them from doing wrong.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-07-2012, 01:15 AM
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Do what suddenwonder said. Start by laying out the truth as you see it, and don't be afraid, because they need you more than you need them. See sas member calichick for example.

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 05-11-2014, 04:18 PM
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Narcissistic Sibling

I have been dealing with my brother who has an advanced case of npd. For years it has been a cycle of abuse, laziness, arguments, competition, whining, stealing and then silence. This tends to run in our family. My Grandfather disowned his son for marrying a girl he didn't like. wound up giving his inheritance to the golden child, who has the same traits and on his deathbed badmouthed the rotten son for not doing as he asked. This disorder does run in families but will skip some, I like to say its on 2 separate rails. I never knew this until I did some research into my own mental problems related to him. That moment was like a heavenly light opening up for me and I know what I must do.
My mistake was to not look into this behavior and start a business. The sense of selfishness and entitlement is huge and uncontrollable. Only gets worse over time as the mind regresses into infancy and childhood primal desires. Feeding the monster! Anything will feed it and thrives on contact. It will steal from you and hold hostage only to destroy in a fit of rage and make silly excuses designed to argue.
You MUST leave before he/she leaves you and they will drop you like a rock in water. In my case my brother steals items to hold hostage (Lure lines). Cut them as it's not worth it. How many items pass thru our hands over lifetime? is it really worth it?
In my case this made the family aware that I cut ties. I didn't attend my mother's funeral, let my items go and totally ignore calls and messages. Interesting the family has recently contacted me about his problems and now has understanding but still feeds him. His raging anger directed at me dropped and got focused onto his wife. I cannot help them though, I just say it's a tough situation and move on the conversation.
You have to understand that this mind is not functioning normally and will not be fixed....EVER! Narcs hate stoic figures, silence, being "found out", police and other's success.
It's hard to drop your family but many will come back only if you leave first. Also never badmouth the family narc because he doesn't exist. After all family is what we make of it, not just sharing blood lines.
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