My internet friend betrayed my trust-Long post!

[Dril]

Let me tell you my story.English isn't my main language so apologize for any spelling mistakes.

I met this girl in a game.At first sight,I hadn't know our friendship would be serious,it was just a normal talking here and now.Time went by and we started to talk to eachother more frequently,getting to know eachother more and things like that.So frequently,that from morning,till midnight (unless she had to go bed earlier) we were always talking.Sharing our stories or just simply talking about anything.Then,once in a week,she would just send some photos she made of herself for ME,just to make me happy.

This is the time when I felt,our friendship might be serious,and I was happy I found her.She cared about me.She missed me if we couldn't talk for 2 days.She always told me I am her best friend.I could always count on her,because she helped me if I was depressed.So yeah,I felt I found someone like me.

But ofcourse she had a life too,and she went to a vacation in august for 2 weeks.While she was away,I was feeling lonely,and thinking "how am I going to survive without her?Now I got noone to talk with."Days and days passed,and then eventually after 2 weeks she came back.When I saw her coming to MSN,I was like OH GOD.IT'S HER!Literally after 2 seconds she wrote to me.Telling it was a great vacation,and she missed me very much.And I began crying.I was crying with joy.I felt weird,because I have never cried with joy before.

So that was in august,everything going great.A month passed by,we are at september.After not seeing her for 3 days,I was worried.She came to MSN with a message next to her name stating she had died.I was like,"Eh?Dead?She logged in to the game this day,so she can't be dead"I immediately wrote to her,asking what's her problem.No reply.Then I told her I know she was there,no need to do fake AFK.No reply.I said to her "the thing you are doing now is not right,can't you realise you are hurting the other's feelings?"Then finally,she replied saying "Sorry,I guess I am an attention seeker."I told her you need to stop it,because it's not funny,then she logged off.I was very surprised but at the same time I wanted to help her,because she was my best friend,I couldn't be calm knowing my friend has a problem.but she refused to accept my help.

Days,weeks,months went by,I was feeling more lonely and depressed.At october,she wrote me on MSN while offline saying "I'm missing you,I feel so dead." I thought to myself:"Great,if you are missing me,then why the hell you aren't coming to MSN,so I can help you?"
Another month passed by,and in mid-november,I logged in to the game to see if she is there,and holy cow,she was!(She wasn't playing for months) We both were happy to see eachother,and she gave me her new MSN address.She made a new one,because she felt ashamed what she did to other people with the "I'm dead" stuff.

Two weeks went by,I am happy to be with her again.But again something happened...Here we are at the present.The last time she logged in to MSN was december 2.And today is now 29!I know she is there,because the game she is playing says she keeps logging in like three times a week!At first I thought hmm okay she might be busy.But there was christmas.She didn't even give me a flippin care to come to MSN and say merry christmas or something like that,so it would have meant she didn't forget about me!If she had the time to login to the game,then I'm sure logging in to MSN for a few minutes wouldn't have caused her problems!

Today I logged in to the game just random,and I saw her there.Wrote to her three times,and eventually she logged off.Without saying a word.I felt ignored,I felt betrayed.I felt my heart was broken.She doesn't care about me anymore.I started to cry,and listened to a sad music.After accepting the fact I won't see her anymore,(Maybe here I overreacted)in anger I deleted her from MSN,deleted her pictures,and wrote her an e-mail where I said our relationship is over.Here I am,thinking about why she did this to me.Is is truly what I deserve after the things I've given to her,love,care,friendship?She just goes away without saying a proper goodbye?And there reason she ignores me?I don't flippin know!This is just simply frustrating,when I know I've done nothing wrong,and the person doesn't even care about you,to explain what's the problem.


Now you all might be thinking Aww comeon,it's was just an internet "friend",move on with your life.Easier said than done.She was my ONLY friend who cared about me.I can't get off her from my mind.I was planning to "celebrate" christmas,and new years with her.Guess I have to do it alone.

Thank you for reading.I am now feeling better I could write my feelings down.

[velvet1]

If she was your friend, she wouldn't have done that to you. She would have told you openly that she needed some space and could be having some trouble. I know it hurts, but be aware that friendships online are more complicated than in real life. Online, you don't know what is behind the screen or how the person is doing. So, don't take it personal and take time to let those emotions go.

[AussiePea]

Well I do know how you feel, I have a few who I would consider good internet friends and some have done similar things where they just disappear with no explanation and it can be difficult when you have spent so much time talking to them day by day etc only for it to suddenly end, and you don't know what to do with yourself.

As for this situation, obviously she has something going on which you do not know about, be it depression/anxiety related or perhaps family/school related which for whatever reason she has decided she does not want you to be a part of. It could mean she does not want to get you dragged into her problems, hard to say.

Unfortunate thing is, there really is nothing you can do about it, offer your support and then it is her decision to accept it or not, otherwise you simply need to get on with your own life.

That is the problem with the internet, you can never really know what is going on with the other person since hiding ones true emotions is so easy via text and it's just as easy to escape.

[millenniumman75]

Something is probably going on with her - she has had issues before as you have said.
Also, you are likely overreacting. SA does that. When we first overcome the disorder, we just begin to recognize what all has happened. I would say you need more friends so there will be less time to worry about her. It's a good thing you came here. There are plenty of us here who need friends .

Welcome to the forum!

[Dril]

Originally Posted by millenniumman75

Welcome to the forum!

Thank you!

Now I feel I'm having remorse about deleting her from MSN.I think I should send her an e-mail again explaining the situation.

[millenniumman75]

Add her back. It's no big deal. I would also let some time pass.

[JimmyDeansRetartedCousin]

If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be!

It sounds like you got too attached to her to be honest, and feeling like sh*t at some point in any relationship like that, is going to come as a consequence regardless of how things work out.

Be wary of placing all your eggs in one basket, if it drops you're going to be making some sh*tty omlettes!

[ItsNicole]

She's obviously not invested into the friendship as much as you are. For the most part it sounds like she is seeking attention like she had mentioned to you before. To satisfy her boredom it seems like she gets a high from going online and making dramatic statements such as faking her own death.

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who toys with my emotions like that. But I know it's hard to forget about someone whose been a constant support and listener in a portion of our life.

You've tried your best to reach out to her and offer your support. There isn't much more you can do when she no longer wants to talk to you. I suggest you give her the space she's clearly been displaying she wants. Chances are when she notices you've stopped trying to contact her she will reach out to you, because she is an attention seeker.

[Dril]

First of all,happy new years to you all!And maybe one start for me,to drastically change myself.


I am...simply so f*cking angry right now...that I could punch a house and it would collapse.Simply unbeliveable what she has done to me this midnight...and totally ruined my new year...



I saw her in the game,but with a little different name she used to use,but still it caught my attention,and knew it must be her.I messaged her immediately with a big smile on my face but...that smile was cleared out of my face fast.She was pretending like she wasn't her.Simply frustrating.I can't believe it.I KNOW IT WAS HER BUT SHE STILL TOLD ME SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME!I am so 100% know it's her!After 2 hours of TRYING to show her,I know it's really her...I gave up...Not-so-nicely said a goodbye to her,and came here to write this.

Maybe you all will learn from this,to not to get attached to an internet person,or this is what you will get.And now...I am all alone...and thinking of suicide.Yes,suicide.If this person,who used to care about me...used to love me...used to miss me...used to help me out...she was the whole point of my life...and then suddenly,she changes her behaviour,and turns against me...?If this is truly what I deserve,then why should I be living?Okay,maybe I have gone too far with this suicide thinking,but my anger is controlling me at the moment...I think tomorrow I will be okay.

[e36guy]

Yeah be careful out there, that might be a dude. You never know.

[redtogo72]

Sorry she did that to you. I'd say cease all contact with her. It's difficult to move on, but I think it's for the best. Based on the way she's been treating you, she clearly doesn't deserve your friendship.

[DaedalEVE]

*hugs*
Some might say "it was just an internet relationship", but I've had my fair share of those... so I know the emotional effect they can have on you.

I've been on both sides of this. I've been the one that was forgotten, and I've been the one that forgets.
It sounds like you came into her life at a point where she needed someone bad, and she used you for what she needed, then returned to her normal life. I'm ashamed to say I've done this myself (in 2010).
I met someone in a game, he was very supportive of me. He was always the one contacting me, and checking in on me... never the other way around. I never ignored him like this person is ignoring you though. But I know that I have a hard time staying in contact with people. I can become quite distant at times, and people fade into the back of my mind.
Maybe this girl is similar?
I know that for me it was never because I didn't care! I ALWAYS CARE!
I just get so involved in my own crap that I end up forgetting about the rest of the world until I need something from someone... then of course I go crying to the first person who will listen.
Sounds like that's what she was doing.

Maybe none of this is the case. Maybe she really is just using you for her own amusement... but the thing about pretending to be dead tells me she is behaving similar to myself. I've been tempted to do the same thing before, in order to hurt other people for hurting me (but I never actually did it).
I'm betting she has a number of issues that are causing her to act like this.
Heck, maybe she feels bad for everything she did and is trying to push you away in order to protect you (yet another thing I've done).
She may have come to the realization that she is hurting you, and you don't deserve that, so she's cutting off contact to save you from all the grief she seems to be causing you and others.

I know this is really hurting you. It's hard to deal with because you can't seem to actually talk to her and find out why she's doing this. You can't get the closure you need in order to move on.
Just assume you'll never find out her motivations, and go from there.
The best thing might be to remove her from your life at this point. Completely remove all trace of her from your life. It'll hurt, but the sooner you do it, and the more thorough you are, the quicker you can forget about her and put all of this behind you. Maybe even stop playing that game for a while... because every time you see her, or have any reminder of her.... you'll instantly start to think about her and all of this... and you'll never move on. Trust me, I know.

P.S. Sorry if it seems like I'm making excuses for her. I'm trying to look at things from her perspective, so you can try to make some sense of it all. People don't do things just to do them... there is always a reason behind it.

[Ambivert]

Just let go of this silly internet relationship, sobering words. And trust me meeting in person is way better than some online relationship. That's my policy, meeting in person only no matter how nerve wracking it is. Internet is ****ty for establishing relationships...the other person ****ing bails on you anyways eventually because you don't meet their concocted criteria.

[Dril]

Originally Posted by DaedalEVE

But the thing about pretending to be dead tells me she is behaving similar to myself. I'm betting she has a number of issues that are causing her to act like this.

Well,she is an emo,I don't know if that counts as an issue?I'm not really into emos,but she told me when we first met in the summer,that she is a different one,she is a HAPPY emo...she is not the one who would cut her veins and then lets everyone to know about it...so everybody will feel sorry for her. *Thinks about the time when she was pretending she is dead* Well,she just did the same!
Also I heard that winter tend to make other people more depressed...Maybe this is why she has been behaving strange like now?


And I can't stop thinking about her...damnit!We both has the same music taste...And whenever I listen to music...I always think about her,and brings my memory back,and makes me depressed...

[Super Marshy]

Oh my god.. Your story was so similar to me and my friend online.. He met me on a game during the summer time. We started to talk on msn. And we would talk for the whole entire day.. And we did that every day like 10 hours straight.. O_O And then I sent him photos I made myself. Not once a week, but once in awhile. And I cared about him, and I'd go crazy if we wouldn't talk for 2 days.. And my friend is always super depressed, and I would always cheer him up.. In august or maybe it was July, I went on vacation for 2 days. Not 2 weeks phew lol. And right when I got back I told him I missed him. During august me and him quit speaking, he "mysteriosuly dissapeared" Then in late september I talked to him for a few days. Then we quit talking again. Late october I tried again, and we talked for a week, then quit. I waited till Christmas to make an excuse to him saying "I know we don't talk much anymore, but Merry Christmas (:" And now were back talking again Hopefully we won't quit anymore.. While I was reading the beginning of your post, I started freaking out thinking you were him and that you were writing about me.. And I'm currently talking to the guy on msn right now.. He kind of dissapeared like the girl in your story, but I'm not sure if you should give up on her.. Maybe you'll start talking again..

[DaedalEVE]

Originally Posted by Dril

Well,she is an emo,I don't know if that counts as an issue?I'm not really into emos,but she told me when we first met in the summer,that she is a different one,she is a HAPPY emo...she is not the one who would cut her veins and then lets everyone to know about it...so everybody will feel sorry for her. *Thinks about the time when she was pretending she is dead* Well,she just did the same!
Also I heard that winter tend to make other people more depressed...Maybe this is why she has been behaving strange like now?

And I can't stop thinking about her...damnit!We both has the same music taste...And whenever I listen to music...I always think about her,and brings my memory back,and makes me depressed...

Hehe no, being emo isn't really an issue... but she is likely emo BECAUSE of an underlying issue. ^_^
The season could be having an affect as well. I know it's messing with me something fierce.

Oh dear... you've started to associate music with her. Yeah, that's going to be a huge trigger for you now...

I wish there was an easy way for you to do this, but you're going to have to just try to let go and put it all behind you.
It's going to take time, and it's going to hurt for a bit... but there's no other way. (aside from meeting someone else)
Eventually you'll start to feel better though.

You and Super Marshy have me thinking about all the people I've known online, and I'll be honest... I can't say that there has ever been a single friendship that lasted. It's like two ships passing in the night. You run into each other for a brief moment, then drift further apart.
I could see myself becoming very close to some people here for instance... but I know that eventually I (or they) will disappear from this place as well.
It's fine to get close, it's fine to become attracted and even have a "relationship". But you have to go into it assuming that it's not going to last. It makes things a lot easier when the inevitable does happen.

With that said, I do know someone who met her husband in WoW. That was an internet relationship that became a real life one. She was in Virginia, and he was in Florida... and they got together in real life, and it worked. I even came close to something like that once. There comes a point where you realize that won't happen though, and you've reached that point with this girl.
Trying to hang onto this is only going to hurt you further.

Also, I agree with counterfeit self 100% about needing it to turn into something real. If that's not going to happen, or there isn't even a CHANCE of it happening... don't let yourself get too attached.

[confidencelost]

What you friend is doing is attention seeking. I used to do very similar things to my online friends. She most likely has social anxiety herself and is probably extremely insecure in her relationships with others. She probably feels like you--and maybe other online friends of hers--don't really care about her, so she is testing you in an emotionally perverse kind of way.

[Dril]

I highly doubt we will start talking again.When she came back in november,she PROMISED me everything will be like in the summer,told me she changed herself,and she told to her parents,what she had done to her online "friends".And also she told me she was crying in her sleep,because of shame,the shame what she did to other people.So basically,I really believed that she is really sorry.

And look,she just broke what she promised to me,because it is certainly NOT what's she used to be in the summer.

Let me show you how she used to be in the summer.I don't mind sharing these conversations in the forum.

1. http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/4053/sadjh.png

2. http://img690.imageshack.us/img690/8184/sad2b.png

3. http://img602.imageshack.us/img602/3610/sad3.png

4. http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/2585/sad6.png

5. http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/9642/sad7.png

6.This one used to make me happy. http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/1764/sad8.png

7. http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/2971/sad9.png

8. http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/7048/sad10.png

9. http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/2600/sad11.png

I think it's more than enough to prove how she used to behave in the summer.These conversations really speak for themselves,and surprising at the same time what she has become.

[Dril]

Originally Posted by DaedalEVE

I'm betting she has a number of issues that are causing her to act like this.
Heck, maybe she feels bad for everything she did and is trying to push you away in order to protect you (yet another thing I've done).
She may have come to the realization that she is hurting you, and you don't deserve that, so she's cutting off contact to save you from all the grief she seems to be causing you and others.

If she knows something is wrong with herself,and other people told it too,wouldn't it be the MOST LOGICAL thing,to change her behaviour?If I knew something was wrong with me,and at the same time I am hurting the other people feelings,I would TRY,ask for help and change my behaviour slightly (because I think completely changing behaviour is impossible),so I won't hurt the others feelings.Or it doesn't sound as easy as I'm trying to make it?

[AlisonWonderland]

Perhaps she doesn't know that she needs 'help'.
But tbh an attachment/obsession like that doesn't sound healthy for either of you.