Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-10-2007, 10:10 AM Thread Starter
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Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

So I'm sitting here in tears from the pain of this loneliness. I thought I would come here to vent, it's not like I have anywhere else to go to be honest. For the past four years I have been alone. I don't socialize anymore more, I fee like I can't. I lost all of my skill (or lack of) that I had when I was in Elementary school. I'm taking high school classes online at home now. I left my friends from back then and found them on Myspace a while ago. It just ****ing KILLS me when I read their recent blog posts about how much fun their having with their new friends. Everyday they post I new blog I feel like ****. I don't know why I read them and do this to myself. I live in the same city, so if I had the courage I could just call them up. I'm not going to though, I never will. I need to except that they're not my friends anymore and that I don't have any. I can't do that either. Ugh, I don't know what to do but sit here day after day, depressed, with tears rolling down my face. I feel there is nothing I CAN do. Even if I wanted to make new friends it's not like I would get very far. I could probably say "Hi. How are you" before the studder and awkward silence begins.

I feel soooo bad right now, nothing makes me happy anymore. I haven't had many life experiences, the type that you could write in a journal and laugh at later, and the ones I have had weren't all that fun. The only people I shared them with are my parents. They're the only people I talk to. The last thing I want to do when I'm 80 is look back and be upset that I never truly lived.

This probably sound like nothing compared to what other people go through, but I'm hoping that some of you could at least relate and understand that this kind of pain isn't an easy one to deal with. And that I can't simply fix the problem by "joining an activity and making friends" as everyone tells me. Have any of you ever gone through a period of your life without any mates? How did you cope?

Okay, I'm done.
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post #2 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-10-2007, 10:36 AM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Sorry to hear you're going to thru a rough period
I never really had a time when I had no friends at all, but there is one coming for me. IF I pass my final exams I'll have to go to college and I'll be the only one going to this particular place. I really doubt I'll make any new friends there seeing as I havn't really made any friends in the last 5 years in highschool.
The 'friends' I have are more like 'school friends', only talk to them bout school related stuff.
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post #3 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-10-2007, 10:56 AM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Im going through EXACTLY the same thing only I am a little bit older then you (21). Its gotten to the point where I dont even talk anymore, when I come into work all i say is 'hi' then when i leave i say' bye'

Thats it, pathetic isnt it?

The thing is that I dont know how to end this downward spiral. Ive tried joining clubs and while people may show interest in me at first I find it IMPOSSIBLE to maintain the interest, when they find out how boring my life is due to not having a car and not being able to do anything(plus I live at home still). So its a self replicating cycle of SUCK.
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post #4 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-10-2007, 11:33 AM
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This probably isn't what you're going to want to hear, but I highly encourage you to try to "better" your situation as soon as possible. Trust me; it gets a LOT harder the longer you wait. It's one of those things that you eventually just get comfortable with.

Having said that, I know exactly what you're going through.
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post #5 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-10-2007, 01:14 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

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post #6 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-10-2007, 01:34 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Beats having friends who backstab you. I think I rather be alone than have friends who backstab me.
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post #7 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-10-2007, 11:23 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

I know exactly what you're going through .. but please don't give up just yet. You have a long life ahead of you, and god knows what lies ahead.

I feel like a big, clumsy puppet without any strings.
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post #8 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 02:12 AM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

i'm actually going through the same thing. I don't get out much, nor do i have any friends. It really sucks being alone all the time. I wish i had friends, i wish i could go out and do things, i've never experienced anything like even going out in a date in a long time. i honestly wish i had some advice, but unfortunately i'm in the same situation and don't really have a clue on how to change.
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post #9 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 03:55 AM
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Yeah I've been through pretty much the same thing. Being friendless doesn't really worry me so much any more - still makes me feel like **** though. The bigger problem is being able to do the things I wanna do and live my life. And if I can learn to do things on my own then that makes me twice as strong as all those that cling to their friends.

Sometimes its good to decide to do something and just do it instead of doing what you'd normally do. Practice doing what you wanna do - not like exposure therapy, just something you might enjoy. Start small, and never plan to do something that you wont be able to do - that leads to fantasizing about doing stuff, but never doing anything. And make a rule: once you decide to do something you have to do it. Don't worry if it feels like your not getting anywhere for a while. I've spent months at a time fighting with myself to get out of this rut. As long as you keep trying, then you're gonna get there eventually.


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post #10 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 11:15 AM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

I've had almost none for a few years, so i can definately relate. Yeah, it sucks. It seems like other people can make friends incredibly easily, but i'm completely clueless.. my social skills are abysmal. :\

I guess i cope by distracting myself.. you know, films, music, TV, books, the usual. It works most of the time.

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post #11 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 02:48 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Have you tried meeting people online? That's how I met all my friends.
And I also went a long time without any friends. Took me awhile but I found some.
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post #12 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 08:07 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Have you thought about therapy

I know a lot of people have a bad feeling about it, and it has this stigma, but there are people who know what you are going through and will understand. They can help you find strategies to better socialize and to not feel so bad about it.

I don't really have many friends right now. If I wanted to hang out right now, i really don't have anyone I can call. But I at least know that I'm getting better at socializing and decreasing the effect of my anxiety.

If not therapy then maybe a local SA support group might help.

I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how it goes.
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post #13 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 08:37 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

1. Try playing an online game and making friends.
2. See a doctor for help about depression. You should treat it at an early age, i've lived with it my whole life and it's not really fun.
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post #14 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 09:09 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

I was in a similar situation when I was your age.

First of all, don't think that it will go on forever.

If it is very difficult to make friends or leave the house then don't do it yet. But try to encourage and motivate yourself to do things little by little. I'm sure there're people you're confident spending time with, like, members of your family or cousins. Treat them like your friends, talk to them, go out with them.

Try to take courses where you think you don't need to interact with people much. Start to make some friends, be nice to them. Even if you don't want to talk much, let them know that you're quiet but nice and friendly- try to smile more. Does a dog need to "talk" to get along with people? (no offence to you, just an example) Try to be friend with as many as possible and I'm sure you'll get at least one or two left (maybe more) as friends after that.

Don't give up!
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post #15 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Thank you so much for all of your replies! I hope to try some of the suggestions that you gave. I see that some of you put some effort into your replies and I really appreciate that. It's nice to know that, even though it's online, there is a place I can come to when I feel like I did when I posted that (I feel better now) where people will actually listen, or read.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Failure
1. Try playing an online game and making friends.
2. See a doctor for help about depression. You should treat it at an early age, i've lived with it my whole life and it's not really fun.
I probably should have stated this in my original post. I have actually seen a bunch of doctors about my depression, I then went to therapy which didn't do anything for me. I couldn't open up to the therapist so she eventually just told me to try meds and that talking and relaxing methods were not going to help. I have been through ALL the SSRIs, even a patch, no luck there either.
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post #16 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 09:56 PM
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Re: re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Quote:
Originally Posted by theautumneffect
I feel better now
I am (we are) very happy for that !!!
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post #17 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2007, 03:37 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Let me tell you I'm in the same situation as you, and I have become and still am very depressed/lonely. I used to have a group of friends, whom I've abandoned because all they would do is really pick on me, I sort of was the butt of their jokes..but I guess they still enjoyed my company somehow, I stopped talking to them and now I have no friends at all. I've been like this for 6 months and it's really killing me, I mean...I feel so low and I get so bored. It doesn't help when my parents are always reminding me that im a failure basically. I feel like there is absolutely no hope for me, I will never like myself so why will other like me ... blah blah all those thoughts go through my head

but through all this I have still been able to go to college and make it by...


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post #18 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-14-2007, 10:43 AM
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Eh, I could hear you completely.
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post #19 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-14-2007, 10:27 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Hey I was in that same situation a few years ago. But then I figured out i was not going to make friends just sitting around. Just go out and make yourself talk to people, even if its just small talk. Maybe try taking up some kind of activity. Thats how I made friends. It's probably not good obsessing over your old friends. I mean that's the past now. You have to live in the future.
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post #20 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-14-2007, 10:28 PM
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re: Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living

Hey I was in that same situation a few years ago. But then I figured out i was not going to make friends just sitting around. Just go out and make yourself talk to people, even if its just small talk. Maybe try taking up some kind of activity. Thats how I made friends. It's probably not good obsessing over your old friends. I mean that's the past now. You have to live in the future.
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