Life after school. How does one socialize ?

[VIncymon]

My situation. I am out of college. Trying to get a job. None of my (few) college friends live near, and there are no people even close to my age, on my street. I go out, do errands and come back home. I've gotten so used to this sedentary lifestyle that even small- talk at the grocery store feels like a chore. Yea, I went clubbing the first few nights of freedom, but I didn't get anything outta it, it just uses up money and it bored me.

Yes, i am in my local youth group / choir .. but its the same-old same-old. These are people who've been living here for 10+ years, all of whom are at least 3 years my senior.

Isn't adult life fun ?

[numero1]

That's what I'm scared of...
What's going to happen when I graduate. Summer was tough enough, but luckily I had 2 jobs.

[Fuzzy Logic]

Join pressure groups/voluntary organisations? Your colleagues in work are probably mostly there because they need the money, but if you go to some charity organisation or whatever you can be sure that pretty much everyone there will have some motivation beside their own interests, plus they probably share your beliefs.

My councellor advised joining something like a ametuer sports club. For those who are shy, being placed in a situation where all interaction revolves around talking puts us at an automatic disadvantage from the get go, so you are morely likely to have success forming relationships if you bond over actually doing something.

[drealm]

I've basically been in this situation since I graduated high school. This isn't a way to definitely make friends, but if you join things that focus on team activities at least you go through the motions of socializing while at the same time there's no pressure to socialize since that's not the goal of the activity. For example I did a martial art a while back and got to spar with people, practice moves, do endurance tests ect. The nice thing about the activities is they were mostly non-verbal. You could do the same thing with a wrestling club, boxing club, hockey team, rowing team, running group, cycling group ect.

[VIncymon]

I joined a Spanish class .. can't get more verbal than that, LOL. Then again, that was my mom's idea, and you know "mother is always right."

What a really wanted was an art club. But the art club always seems to be taken seriously after I leave.

There was an art club in my primary school, the year after I graduated. Then the year after I graduated high school, they started official art classes.

I won't be surprise if my college starts a visual arts programme after I graduate too.

such is life..

[Phibes]

Originally Posted by VIncymon

I've gotten so used to this sedentary lifestyle that even small- talk at the grocery store feels like a chore.

Haha, I'm like you. I actually just got back from the supermarket.

[mypasswordneverworks]

bars, church, or through friends are the only places to meet people (I think) as an adult.

[nightrain]

I have the same problem. At least I can meet people on here

[belfort]

bars are the main place for socializing after u get outta school and turn 21...if you dont do that, i have no clue....im sick of the bar scene but dont know what else to do either...everything seems boring or just dull...

[Just Lurking]

I often wonder what (other than clubs and the like) people my age DO. It occurs to me whenever I'm out (whether just out for a walk, at a mall or at a restaurant)... I rarely even SEE people my age (except for people who happen to be working at said locations).

Where are they and what are they doing?? It's not like college-age people aren't here. My city has a college and a university, so there are about 40,000 students in this area. But they're nowhere to be seen. How do you even begin to socialize when there's no one around??

I figure young adults (whether in college or graduated) fall into one of three categories:
1) the extrovert - only comes out late at night and can only be seen in bars and clubs... tough to befriend this person unless you're into that scene.
2) the introvert - rarely seen because they spend all their time at home on the computer... tough to befriend this person because of their unapproachable demeanor and the wall they put up around them.
3) the family person - in a serious relationship, perhaps even married with kids already... tough to befriend this person unless you're in the same life situation (with a spouse and kids of your own).

One suggestion I don't see here yet is to pick out something that interests you and take a night school course on it (but then, you could wind up in a class full of people in their 40s and 50s, so...hmm).

And I guess a lot of friendships are formed through mutual friends. But that's kind of tough when you have no friends to begin with. (Kind of like you need money to make money...)

[wisteria]

I feel the same way as you, so I don't have much to say except that I can relate to what you're going through. I live in a small town that has hit tough times, so it's hard for me to find groups/activities to participate in.

[Fuzzy Logic]

I have spent years becoming at expert at avoidance. I suppose it will take time to undo all that rigorous training.

[mypasswordneverworks]

Originally Posted by Just Lurking

I

I figure young adults (whether in college or graduated) fall into one of three categories:
1) the extrovert - only comes out late at night and can only be seen in bars and clubs... tough to befriend this person unless you're into that scene.
2) the introvert - rarely seen because they spend all their time at home on the computer... tough to befriend this person because of their unapproachable demeanor and the wall they put up around them.
3) the family person - in a serious relationship, perhaps even married with kids already... tough to befriend this person unless you're in the same life situation (with a spouse and kids of your own).

I agree