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Old 04-13-2012, 01:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Insecurity and social anxiety coming across as cockiness?

Do people mistake your social anxiety, insecurities and all the things that come from being a bit different from everyone else as cockiness, arrogance or pretentiousness?

It's weird right? If this is a common occurrence what are some ways to effectively combat how people think about you? At the end of the day people will think whatever they want. But still you don't want to send out a vibe that is not you.
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:34 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default most of the time, yeah

but sometimes if i get to know people they figure out how neurotic i am
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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but sometimes if i get to know people they figure out how neurotic i am
First impressions are so important though. They frame what type of relationship you will have with someone and dictate what type of interactions go on. I know I have to be more guarded and cautious around certain people compared to others who I can be more relaxed around. This comes from first impressions. We build this image of the people we know and once it is set, it's hard to break.
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I've heard second hand from people I've known that their friends thought I was rude because I didn't know how to fit into the conversation. I cut people off because I don't know when to speak, and my body language when I'm nervous is just all sorts of hostile and closed off. It's pretty tough to take criticism like that when it's the last thing you want to project. I'm not sure how to fix it, short of strategic use of alcohol on both my part and theirs.

Of course that tactic leads to those dreadful shame hangovers these days, so I should probably figure out a new strategy.
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I've heard second hand from people I've known that their friends thought I was rude because I didn't know how to fit into the conversation. I cut people off because I don't know when to speak, and my body language when I'm nervous is just all sorts of hostile and closed off. It's pretty tough to take criticism like that when it's the last thing you want to project. I'm not sure how to fix it, short of strategic use of alcohol on both my part and theirs.
So you have poor timing in conversations and people mistake that for you being a jerk. That's gotta suck. You are absolutely on the money about it being the last thing you want to project. Sometimes you have to just laugh at the absurdity of life.
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Old 04-13-2012, 02:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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yes...oh god..
im very shy and quite so its just incredibly hard for me to just start a convesation with a stranger or in this case my class mates.
and for some reason my shyness got across as "a snob that thinks hes better then anyone" or "hes not talking to us because he thinks he is too good for us"
one of my class mates even said "i thought you werent talking to me because youre mad at me or something"
i really dont get it, why are they making it about themselves? cant they just assume im shy? why they gotta think the worst...
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:23 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I always thought I came across as a very bored person.
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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same.. +cant smile, frozen jaws, starring eyes...
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:30 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I've heard second hand from people I've known that their friends thought I was rude because I didn't know how to fit into the conversation. I cut people off because I don't know when to speak, and my body language when I'm nervous is just all sorts of hostile and closed off. It's pretty tough to take criticism like that when it's the last thing you want to project. I'm not sure how to fix it, short of strategic use of alcohol on both my part and theirs.

Of course that tactic leads to those dreadful shame hangovers these days, so I should probably figure out a new strategy.
im same as you. now im trying cbt and mindfulness
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Old 04-13-2012, 09:39 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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YES
people usually think i'm stuck up because i'm really shy. if i can tell that they think that, i try to smile at them. if they look at me like wtf after i smile at them, i just walk away. i don't have the guts to be like, hey! i'm not stuck up at all, far from it actually.
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Old 04-13-2012, 05:02 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I think people just think it's "shy-ness" cocky would be the other way round wouldn't it?
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Old 04-13-2012, 05:11 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Some people might think that about me, for how hesitant I probably seem when introducing myself. But overall I don't think I hide how anxious/scared I am as well as I like to think I'm able to. Or I just come across as sad- something I get a lot even when nothing is going on. I guess I need to work on smiling more / or get better at small talk maybe.
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Old 04-13-2012, 05:52 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Drives me crazy. I think that most people that don't know me think that I'm arrogant. Every once in awhile I strike up a conversation with some random person at the gym that I've never spoken to before. I notice how their attitude towards me suddenly changes for the better. I wish I could do this all the time with everyone.
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:06 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I used to get this a lot. I never imagined people could possibly think this but it has arisen again, and again, from teachers at school and from people my own age. I really was not supremely confident, I hated performing, I was shy, probably sensitive.. That could appear "oh I'm so above this" I suppose though do you know why that seemed impossible to me? The same as I've heard from many of you, I was so anxious I thought it impossible people misjudged that intensity entirely.
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Story of my life.

Sometimes I try to push myself to go outside of my comfort zone and talk to people. I end up trying to overcompensate for my low confidence, and people end up thinking I'm arrogant and/or have an incredibly high opinion of myself. Otherwise, if I'm quiet and more myself, people assume I'm a snob or that I don't want to talk to them. There's no way to win.
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:33 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Absolutely. It doesnt help that my neutral facial expression can look kinda mean or annoyed. So most people think Im ticked off about something, and dont want to talk to me. I think also with SA, rather than have people see us timid or frightened, subconsciously we decide it is better for them to think we're dont care. A lot of people have told me how they thought I was a b**** at first, or always lol.
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Old 04-14-2012, 06:35 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Drives me crazy. I think that most people that don't know me think that I'm arrogant. Every once in awhile I strike up a conversation with some random person at the gym that I've never spoken to before. I notice how their attitude towards me suddenly changes for the better. I wish I could do this all the time with everyone.
So what makes it easier for you to chat with people at the gym opposed to everywhere else? I also have places where I feel more relaxed and comfortable more than usual. Maybe the familiarity of being at this particular gym makes you more outgoing?
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I don't really think people think I'm cocky because my awkwardness is too obvious and pretty much says it all. I think people might think I dislike them because I don't make eye contact and they often get quiet once they notice me enter the room or when I come sit next to them. They sometimes act as if they are scared of me, or something, while being nice and friendly towards others. I think most people mostly mirror my behavior. They act closed off and unfriendly towards me because I give them no reason to be nice to me.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:18 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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I think I come across like this sometimes. People mistake shyness for rudeness, it's extremely frustrating as that's the last thing I want people to think. Sometimes I try to be a bit more outgoing and confident but then I seem freak people out a bit. I suppose I just need to find a happy medium, but it is very annoying.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:30 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I don't really think people think I'm cocky because my awkwardness is too obvious and pretty much says it all. I think people might think I dislike them because I don't make eye contact and they often get quiet once they notice me enter the room or when I come sit next to them. They sometimes act as if they are scared of me, or something, while being nice and friendly towards others. I think most people mostly mirror my behavior. They act closed off and unfriendly towards me because I give them no reason to be nice to me.
Yup, that sounds like me alright!! The worst part is you just want people to understand but it's always outside their comprehension. Not that they're bad people, they're just blessed in ways that I wish I was!
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