Social Anxiety Support

illlaymedown · 10-10-2009, 11:38 PM

How hard is it for you guys to call people or text them or IM? I went to highschool with a girl and we were pretty good friends and recently a girl that also knew both of us gave her my number and me hers and told me she wanted me to call her, but I didn't and the next day she texted me and I didn't answer. I feel bad about it but I can't risk having to talk to her over the phone. I can't call businesses easily, it takes a lot of coaxing myself and I don't usually text/IM people cus I think I'm annoying them. I even go on IM invisible just so people won't know I'm on and think I'm just on bothering them, just by being online!

Emerald3 · 10-11-2009, 02:16 AM

Sending messages by IM or text I have no problem with, as it's text no different front sending this message.

But calling someone always makes me feel like I'm about to do a bungee jump or something. My heart thumps, my hands begin to shake, and I hate punching in the numbers. When I get as far as hearing the ringing, I feel like putting the phone down but knowing I have to continue with the call, I don't. Once the person answers, I forget why I'm ringing, my voice goes funny and my hand is still shaking.

The thought running through my head, is why do I feel this way about a silly phone when everyone I know can just pick it up & dial with no problems. Although my dad hates calling people, and will leave it to the last minute but I don't think he has the same sensation as me.

Iced Soul · 10-11-2009, 02:23 AM

Honestly, I hate initiating anything, but I find texts and IMs much more easy than phone calls.
Like on an IM or a text, if you hesitate or take a little while responding, it's not such a big thing, but if you're on the phone, if you hesitate, stop talking, whatever, it gets really awkward. At least, it does to me.

secretlyshecries · 10-11-2009, 02:42 AM

I don't use a (mobile) phone. I have a home phone but that's it. I don't text. I use msn but I wince whenever I start a conversation with someone and just imagine them rolling their eyes and being all 'oh, her.' (It helps when I'm proven wrong and they give a cheerful response). I actually go through periods of not using msn for ages.

Meee · 10-11-2009, 02:47 AM

I find with these things the more you do it the easier it gets. I used to be really really bad with phone calls and texting, but i've been forced to deal with them and it's not so bad now.

worm · 10-11-2009, 02:53 AM

With practice I've learnt to text/email/phone initiate calls, but I still sound quiet on the phone and tend to be a bit too formal over text and email. My biggest problem is regretting and judging myself after the call/email/txt. I wish I could find their phone/email account/mobile and delete any trace that I ever did the crime!
Ah well. But as someone said earlier, practice, keep at it and it will get easier eventually.

fluch · 10-11-2009, 02:15 PM

I find it difficult to initiate too. I think it's a pretty big part of my problem, & definitely something I'd like to work on. I agree with feeling like I'm bothering the other party, though when I actually go through with it it's never like that, normally the opposite, so I know it's irrational.
Most of the time I have to phone people it's at work. Even if I know I HAVE to do it I'll still put it off, e.g. by taking a break, getting a drink, making notes of what I need to say. It's just a huge waste of time. Next time I'll aim to just pick the thing up & make the call. I don't feel I have many people it initiate things with on a more personal level other than people I already know well, but maybe if I could improve I could actually get to know more people...

Princesspoopla · 10-11-2009, 03:24 PM

I find it alot more easier to send texts/IM's but I dont like initiating those first, like someone has to always start the conversation first because I always feel like I'm being a bother if I send a text or an IM first and most of the time I have no idea what to say. I dont even know what to say about calling someone because thats harder

Its easier to talk to someone like a close friend because I can speak up but I do feel like sometimes I have nothing to say and maybe I'm just boring them. But if I dont know the person very well, I start freaking out thinking about my voice sounding really stupid or me saying something retarded. And sometimes I feel so uncomfortable that I cant even speak or sometimes I just dont talk loud enough for people to hear so they'll be like, "what" or "pardon" lol while I'll really just wanna hang up or want the convo to end already.

heyJude · 10-11-2009, 06:53 PM

I can't initiate calls. I'm comfortable only when I'm calling certain family members. I've had no problems initiating text messages. I'm really reluctant to initiate an IM though. Seems like every time I get the courage to do so, the person (who usually IM's me to talk) ignores me, which really sucks. The only person I IM first is my online friend who I have known for 4 years. He almost never lets me down!

Auron · 10-11-2009, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illlaymedown

How hard is it for you guys to call people or text them or IM? I went to highschool with a girl and we were pretty good friends and recently a girl that also knew both of us gave her my number and me hers and told me she wanted me to call her, but I didn't and the next day she texted me and I didn't answer. I feel bad about it but I can't risk having to talk to her over the phone. I can't call businesses easily, it takes a lot of coaxing myself and I don't usually text/IM people cus I think I'm annoying them. I even go on IM invisible just so people won't know I'm on and think I'm just on bothering them, just by being online!

I've never had any struggles using cellphones/im/texting. There had been times that i've sort of procrastinated answering a text or calling back to a person or a business The only way that I seem to overcome this is by answering back as soon as I get the text/voice mail/missed call message.

you should gradually try to overcome these phobias from the one thing that makes you less comfortable.

illlaymedown · 10-11-2009, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by secretlyshecries

I don't use a (mobile) phone. I have a home phone but that's it. I don't text. I use msn but I wince whenever I start a conversation with someone and just imagine them rolling their eyes and being all 'oh, her.' (It helps when I'm proven wrong and they give a cheerful response). I actually go through periods of not using msn for ages.

I feel the same...like when I IM then they are thinking, "oh god, it's her again..." and there's one person who would stop talking in the middle of a conversation vis text or IM even if they initiated it, so I was left wondering wth I did THIS TIME. Suffice to say, it's made me not wanna put myself out there anymore

flyingspatula · 10-11-2009, 08:12 PM

im pretty much the same too but i try thinking of it differently. would you really care if someone texted or called you and you knew them or gave them your number? im guilty of never calling/messaging too but it kinda helps to think about it that way...

you can text/call me if u want :P

illlaymedown · 10-11-2009, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyingspatula

im pretty much the same too but i try thinking of it differently. would you really care if someone texted or called you and you knew them or gave them your number? im guilty of never calling/messaging too but it kinda helps to think about it that way...

you can text/call me if u want :P

Rofl...xD, no thanks, I'd freak out cus I don't know you! That's when it's the worst! IM is ok though, just don't ignore me :P But yeah, one dude would text me and then when I'd text back he'd stop....that makes me go crazy analytical mode :O I also like(d) him and everytime I get on AIM I feel like he is getting annoyed that I'm even online and rolling his eyes thinking I'm a weirdo and I feel like he gets bothered when I update statuses on myspace(he's never saiod anything like that, but it's just how I feel/think)...he's the only person on my AIM list that is ever online too! Sucks! Right now I just feel like deleting him from everything...sigh, it makes me sad.

m0n0XidE · 10-11-2009, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Honestly, I hate initiating anything, but I find texts and IMs much more easy than phone calls.

same here. I also hate being obligated to respond too.

flyingspatula · 10-11-2009, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illlaymedown

Rofl...xD, no thanks, I'd freak out cus I don't know you! That's when it's the worst! IM is ok though, just don't ignore me :P But yeah, one dude would text me and then when I'd text back he'd stop....that makes me go crazy analytical mode :O I also like(d) him and everytime I get on AIM I feel like he is getting annoyed that I'm even online and rolling his eyes thinking I'm a weirdo and I feel like he gets bothered when I update statuses on myspace(he's never saiod anything like that, but it's just how I feel/think)...he's the only person on my AIM list that is ever online too! Sucks! Right now I just feel like deleting him from everything...sigh, it makes me sad.

aw, i dont know if my phone IMing will work. I have YIM/AIM/MSN on it but it wont login.

i know exactly what your saying when your texting with someone and suddenly they stop texting you and you wonder if its because they dont want to talk to you anymore or they are suddenly busy doing something and get interrupted. again i try to just think its all in my head and theres probably a logical reason or possibly they just dont know what to say but who knows... im kinda socially retarded so what do i know right?

xerwb2 · 10-13-2009, 08:05 AM

I never call people unless I can't find them or something. And if I don't feel like talking with someone on IM I'll go invisible and just stay like that. Of course, then I feel guilty for not wanting to talk to them but think it will be awkward because they will think that I was avoiding them. So I avoid them more and more. Most people that add me that I don't know all that well, I'll just block.
And I never text.

...Do I talk about myself too much? :\

odd_one_out · 10-13-2009, 09:05 AM

I don't do these things. If others did not initiate contact with me, I'd never speak to anyone.

nubly · 10-13-2009, 09:12 AM

i have no problem with texting. calling or IM i still do. texting is easy for me because there is no immediate reply required

Olazet91 · 10-13-2009, 01:17 PM

I have a problem with initiating IM conversations, I'm usually never the one to first IM someone out of the blue because I'm worried that they'll think I'm annoying or won't want to talk to me. So I just wait for them to message me first. This is why I have a problem with being "too quiet", because I don't speak unless spoken to.

10-10-2009, 11:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
illlaymedown Status: Miseria Cantare Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Mississippi Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 365	Initiating calls, texting, and IMing How hard is it for you guys to call people or text them or IM? I went to highschool with a girl and we were pretty good friends and recently a girl that also knew both of us gave her my number and me hers and told me she wanted me to call her, but I didn't and the next day she texted me and I didn't answer. I feel bad about it but I can't risk having to talk to her over the phone. I can't call businesses easily, it takes a lot of coaxing myself and I don't usually text/IM people cus I think I'm annoying them. I even go on IM invisible just so people won't know I'm on and think I'm just on bothering them, just by being online! __________________ "I feel like a helpless puppet being manipulated in some major scheme."~ Squall Leonhart My avatar is my art...www.myspace.com/illlaymedown

10-11-2009, 02:23 AM	#3 (permalink)
Iced Soul Status: Dancing on Rainbows Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Calilalaland Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 1,775	Honestly, I hate initiating anything, but I find texts and IMs much more easy than phone calls. Like on an IM or a text, if you hesitate or take a little while responding, it's not such a big thing, but if you're on the phone, if you hesitate, stop talking, whatever, it gets really awkward. At least, it does to me. __________________ I scraped my knees while I was praying And found a demon in my safest haven. Seems like, it's getting harder to believe in anything Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts. I wanna know what it'd be like To find perfection in my pride To see nothing in the light Just turn it off In all my spite, in all my spite, I'll turn it off. - Turn It Off - Paramore http://twitter.com/MissEerie

10-11-2009, 02:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
Meee Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: England Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 1,422	I find with these things the more you do it the easier it gets. I used to be really really bad with phone calls and texting, but i've been forced to deal with them and it's not so bad now. __________________ [Last.FM] [AnimeList]

10-11-2009, 03:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
Princesspoopla Status: one day. Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 64	I find it alot more easier to send texts/IM's but I dont like initiating those first, like someone has to always start the conversation first because I always feel like I'm being a bother if I send a text or an IM first and most of the time I have no idea what to say. I dont even know what to say about calling someone because thats harder Its easier to talk to someone like a close friend because I can speak up but I do feel like sometimes I have nothing to say and maybe I'm just boring them. But if I dont know the person very well, I start freaking out thinking about my voice sounding really stupid or me saying something retarded. And sometimes I feel so uncomfortable that I cant even speak or sometimes I just dont talk loud enough for people to hear so they'll be like, "what" or "pardon" lol while I'll really just wanna hang up or want the convo to end already. __________________ If your heart wears thin I will hold you up And I will hide you When it gets too much, I'll be right beside you.

10-11-2009, 02:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
Emerald3 Status: Wants to be someone else Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 283	Sending messages by IM or text I have no problem with, as it's text no different front sending this message. But calling someone always makes me feel like I'm about to do a bungee jump or something. My heart thumps, my hands begin to shake, and I hate punching in the numbers. When I get as far as hearing the ringing, I feel like putting the phone down but knowing I have to continue with the call, I don't. Once the person answers, I forget why I'm ringing, my voice goes funny and my hand is still shaking. The thought running through my head, is why do I feel this way about a silly phone when everyone I know can just pick it up & dial with no problems. Although my dad hates calling people, and will leave it to the last minute but I don't think he has the same sensation as me.

10-11-2009, 02:42 AM	#4 (permalink)
secretlyshecries Status: In hiding Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Australia, hiding under a rock somewhere Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 569	I don't use a (mobile) phone. I have a home phone but that's it. I don't text. I use msn but I wince whenever I start a conversation with someone and just imagine them rolling their eyes and being all 'oh, her.' (It helps when I'm proven wrong and they give a cheerful response). I actually go through periods of not using msn for ages.

10-11-2009, 02:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
worm Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: England, UK Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 20	With practice I've learnt to text/email/phone initiate calls, but I still sound quiet on the phone and tend to be a bit too formal over text and email. My biggest problem is regretting and judging myself after the call/email/txt. I wish I could find their phone/email account/mobile and delete any trace that I ever did the crime! Ah well. But as someone said earlier, practice, keep at it and it will get easier eventually.

10-11-2009, 02:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
fluch Status: in another moment... Join Date: Aug 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 101	I find it difficult to initiate too. I think it's a pretty big part of my problem, & definitely something I'd like to work on. I agree with feeling like I'm bothering the other party, though when I actually go through with it it's never like that, normally the opposite, so I know it's irrational. Most of the time I have to phone people it's at work. Even if I know I HAVE to do it I'll still put it off, e.g. by taking a break, getting a drink, making notes of what I need to say. It's just a huge waste of time. Next time I'll aim to just pick the thing up & make the call. I don't feel I have many people it initiate things with on a more personal level other than people I already know well, but maybe if I could improve I could actually get to know more people...

10-11-2009, 06:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
heyJude Status: Doodling in the corner. Join Date: Jul 2009 Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 187	I can't initiate calls. I'm comfortable only when I'm calling certain family members. I've had no problems initiating text messages. I'm really reluctant to initiate an IM though. Seems like every time I get the courage to do so, the person (who usually IM's me to talk) ignores me, which really sucks. The only person I IM first is my online friend who I have known for 4 years. He almost never lets me down!

10-11-2009, 08:12 PM	#12 (permalink)
flyingspatula Status: ◄╗Permanently ßanned Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Kansas Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 238	im pretty much the same too but i try thinking of it differently. would you really care if someone texted or called you and you knew them or gave them your number? im guilty of never calling/messaging too but it kinda helps to think about it that way... you can text/call me if u want :P

10-13-2009, 08:05 AM	#16 (permalink)
xerwb2 Status: The Corrupt Eclectic Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Male Age: 17 Posts: 50	I never call people unless I can't find them or something. And if I don't feel like talking with someone on IM I'll go invisible and just stay like that. Of course, then I feel guilty for not wanting to talk to them but think it will be awkward because they will think that I was avoiding them. So I avoid them more and more. Most people that add me that I don't know all that well, I'll just block. And I never text. ...Do I talk about myself too much? :\

10-13-2009, 09:05 AM	#17 (permalink)
odd_one_out Status: Active-but-odd Join Date: Aug 2006 Age: 32 Posts: 1,215	I don't do these things. If others did not initiate contact with me, I'd never speak to anyone.

10-13-2009, 09:12 AM	#18 (permalink)
nubly Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: USA the greatest and best country in the world!! :) Posts: 7,065	i have no problem with texting. calling or IM i still do. texting is easy for me because there is no immediate reply required

10-13-2009, 01:17 PM	#19 (permalink)
Olazet91 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Screwville, US Gender: Female Posts: 376	I have a problem with initiating IM conversations, I'm usually never the one to first IM someone out of the blue because I'm worried that they'll think I'm annoying or won't want to talk to me. So I just wait for them to message me first. This is why I have a problem with being "too quiet", because I don't speak unless spoken to.