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Old 05-10-2010, 07:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I'm such a loser.

I am 21 years old. I do not even have a driver's license because I'm afraid to drive. I haven't made any new friends after I graduated from high school. I seriously do not know how to talk to people. Recently I was with my significant other and I was introduced to some friends of theirs and when the friends tried to talk to me I give out one word answers and only talk when they talk to me first. It is ALWAYS like this wherever I go.

For one...I just feel ugly and I hate being in public. I still live at home with my parents and when I don't see my significant other I stay in my room all day long. I don't go out and do a damn thing.

I do have a job but I only work about 10 hours a week because I'm so quiet. I'm sick of people mistaking it for me being *****y when in fact I'm just terrified. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm probably going to be dumped soon because I can't make friends and I'm just a loser. I know its the case because they are starting to want to see me less and less. this always happens to me when I date someone. I'm always going to be alone. I wish I could be normal but I can't and I never will.

I haven't left my house since Wednesday either. This is normal behavior for me to go for almost a week or more without leaving the house. I want to be normal and get a better job and leave the house but I feel like how can I get a better job when I'm like this? I'm just a freak in everyone's eyes and it would probably be better if I wasn't even here in the first place.

I mean...I'm in college and I have a 3.8 GPA. I feel like I'm intelligent but I'm not going to get anywhere in life when I'm like this. It's all going to go to waste.

I've lied to my significant other so much too...they think I have a license and it's "just because I don't have a car". they don't realize how hard it truly is for me to be in social interactions because I always feel like i'm bering judged and i just don't know how to really communicate as an adult. i feel like i'm living as a 15 year old instead of a 21 year old because I don't even know how to speak to people. i'm too afraid.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Jennifer- give yourself a big break! You live at home? So do many, many people in their early twenties these days, it's a tough economy. How wonderful that you have that advantage, there are some people who do not have supportive parents!
You'll get out there. It sounds like your mind is messing with you. It's telling you lies--don't believe it.
A 3.8 GPA?! Oh my goodness, you're ahead of a lot of people.
You'll get out there some day. Even shy people can get out there.

As far as your driver's license, some people don't have that, either. I would be more honest about it. I know you may feel ashamed. Please don't be ashamed.

I know as a person with acute shyness my whole life what it's like to try to talk to people and not be able to. I'm still dealing with it or I would not be on this site. But it may take patience to find some people you can talk to and trust. I know it's awkward. A lot of socially advantaged people don't understand. But I do and others on this site do know what it's like.

Be gentle with yourself.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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When talking to other people try questions. Even if you know the answer to that question. You are participating in a conversation but letting the lead it.

As for being in public, try going for short walks around your neighbourhood.

How did you meet your partner? What do you talk about with your partner?
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I can relate to a lot of your post, but you should try not to think so badly of yourself. You're not a loser. I don't consider myself a loser & I'm far behind you in a lot of areas. Instead of focusing on the areas you don't like about yourself, try to focus on the good things. There are good things. There must be, or else you wouldn't have a significant other & you wouldn't be in college & you wouldn't make such good grades & you wouldn't have any job at all. I'm 7 years older than you & have never been in a relationship, have never had a job, & just started college last year for the first time. My GPA is only 2.75 & I've never lived away from my mother. Try to be proud of yourself for your accomplishments. I know it's hard not being able to talk to people, but you've still done a lot with your life. You're doing very good.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I'm 22 and still don't have a driver's license, beat that! We're basically in the same situation. Except I'm a guy and you're a girl.

Quote:
I haven't left my house since Wednesday either. This is normal behavior for me to go for almost a week or more without leaving the house.
I can go weeks without leaving the house, beat that! Ok, I'm going to stop doing that now.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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It's so hard to ever think good about myself. If I accomplish anything my thought process is "it's no big deal" or "anyone could have done that". I always do that to myself. I'm sure the lack of confidence is probably the biggest thing that cripples me socially as well. I don't know what to do in order to start feeling better about myself. People compliment me and tell me things like "you're pretty" and I'll be like "No, how could you say that?". I always fight my compliments.

I've always wanted to join a support group for social anxiety but I've looked online and there are none in my area so I figured online might work. I think I should see a therapist. I had a professor tell me that that would be beneficial to me because started crying hysterically in class on time when we got in a circle and had to do some role playing stuff. She told me I'm gifted and know what I'm talking about but my lack of confidence and anxiety are getting in the way of that.

My family jokingly tell me that all I need is a xanax and my life will be better.

I met my S/O online and had to chat with them for months before I agreed to meet them in person.

I guess I'm just tired of feeling so lonely and crying all the time. My S/O is basically the only person I have and I don't get to see them very often.
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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your no loser my situation is different but have alot of the same fears then yours but i am no loser nobody on here is were just cursed with this crap
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I didn't get my driver's license until I was 23.

I graduated high school in 2000 and didn't make any friends afterward. In fact, I don't have any friends, just work related acquaintances.

I didn't get my first job until I was almost 22. That job lasted 1.5 years. I was unemployed for the better part of the next 2-3 years.

I'm 28, socially I often feel like an awkward 12 year old. I've never had a girlfriend (long distance online thing doesn't really count IMO), never been on a date.

Trust me, it's never as bad as it seems. Feeling like a loser, and being a loser are two entirely different things. You are not a loser. We all have different paces at which we develop. Tackle one thing at a time, trust me...it is much less overwhelming that way. And above all things, remember that God loves you. As strange as this may sound, He created you the way you are. In His eyes, you are precious. When God looks at you He sees His beautiful creation. When you hurt, He hurts.

When I was fully able to accept who I am and all my limitations and realize that God loves me more than I could ever imagine, everything changed. I still struggle with anxiety and I do have my moments of complete frustration when it hurts beyond words to be this way...BUT there's no downward spiral into depression. There's no more being miserable for days. I don't know why God does what He does...it is confusing sometimes to think that such a loving God would place a such a burden on His beloved children...it's complicated and none of us really have any concrete answers. If I didn't have anxiety, I might not have come to God as I have now. Maybe my anxiety is a gift so I could come closer to Him. I guess what I'm trying to say is at the end of the day God's love, mercy, and peace enables us to better handle the difficulties we face. God bless.
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Look you are not a loser, I don't even have a significant other, never was close to getting on in reality (only in my pathetic dreams). And you dont even know that you are going to be dumped, I too feel that I will be alone of r the rest of my life, but we just gotta have faith that we will meet the right, good person for us one day. and a 3.8 gpa in college is very good, definetly in the higher ups, me I get like a 3.1 maybe tops. Keep on doing well in school, I honestly think you should have some more confidence with that gpa, really I do. I hope the best for you.
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Old 05-10-2010, 09:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jennifer1105 View Post
I mean...I'm in college and I have a 3.8 GPA. I feel like I'm intelligent but I'm not going to get anywhere in life when I'm like this. It's all going to go to waste.
I can really relate to a lot of what you said. I am about to graduate college with a substantially lower GPA (3.3), no friends, no academic honors, no job set up (yet), and no participation in any sort of extracurriculars which might bolster my resume. And mentally, I feel as though I'm stuck in high school/middle school most of the time. Definitely feel like a loser too...

You have a high GPA, a job (albeit a dissatisfying one), a significant other, and an all right place to live. Most people would say that despite your percieved shortcomings, you're doing pretty well for yourself right now. I think part of building up self confidence is acknowledging what you are doing right and allowing yourself to feel a small sense of pride in it. Give yourself a break, as OregonMommy said. I wish you the best.
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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HI im Steve, 35 years old. I still live at home also. I live in New York , Queens though. I got my license at 20 yrs old and a car at 22. I do have a job which gives me the opportunity to travel away. Ive had several jobs over the years. I do not have any friends I hang out with. At work I ahve alot of aquaintances. I did not keep in good contact with the 3 friends in highschool. I dont have no friends from childhood. I ve seen people come and go. As of right now noone is close with me as a friend. The friend I had next store pushed me aside. I still find it hard to talk to people especially when you feel like people are judging you. I do go out and do things but hardly talk to people when im away. I do get anxious when i go places still. I really havent had a relationship in a decade. I ve had two girl friends that year and that was it. they did not last long at all. Its hard when you dont actually like the person you were set up with on a force and one was over the internet on a hunch. Ive had others i talked to on the net which did not work. I do go therapy once a month called Low Energy Neurofeedback, electrodes. which helps open new brainwaves. I m still hoping i meet someone someday. I do have alot to offer someone. wish me luck.
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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I'd suggest just leaving the house for a walk, anything really to get out of the environment you feel acustomed to. I've been slowly improving socially, started off just getting out of my house for drives, to go shopping when I didn't need anything, walked to the library. I've slowly transitioned to becoming more social when I'm out, but you have to start somewhere.
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Old 05-11-2010, 02:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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i didnt read the responses but in case no1 has mentioned yet, you MUST be more truthful with your boyfriend.

explain to him your situation. if he is worth keeping he will understand and try to help you.

don't be so hard on yourself, i wish i could maintain a 3.8. that is definitely an accomplishment. try to see the world in a better light. you have a boyfriend, a job, go to school. that is more than others have. i do hope things turn up, keep striving to improve socially!
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Old 05-11-2010, 08:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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If it makes you feel any better, I would gladly trade my driver's license for your intelligence. My grades throughout school have for the most part been atrocious.
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Old 05-11-2010, 08:59 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by StarryMessenger View Post
It's no big deal not having a driving license. Besides, you are a girl so you can always count on your boyfriend to drive you around

You sound just like me. I do well in school academically, but is so terrified of social situations that my extra curricular activies, leadership records is so poor that I probably won't get any scholarships so my results will go to waste.

I have a temp job now and I'm really sick of it. The actual work is ok, but nobody ever talks to me or asks me out, and it is irritating to see other people chatting and talking about their plans for the weekend.

I stay at home all the time when I don't work or study and don't go anywhere else besides my workplace and school. Nobody has ever asked me out, except in groups. In fact, it's already May and guess what I haven't went out with anyone for the entire year. The last time I went out was a class outing last year.

I don't like the way I'm living but I suppose I have learnt to accept it. It's not easy, having no social life, no friends, and people thinking you are weird, but I guess as long as I'm happy, that's fine with me. I have games and books to occupy me on weekends, and I'm happy with them, so who cares what others think.
Yeah, my weekends include me plus the laptop. It seems really sad. Here it is Wednesday and I still haven't left. It seems like my only friends are those on the internet. I join a lot of message boards to make up for the loneliness because having a boyfriend can't be your entire social life especially when you don't see them very often!

Yeah, my old friends from high school TRIED to get my out of the house to hang out but I always came up with excuses and pretty soon they stopped asking me to come out, so they are all gone.

I really should have joined a place like this sooner with people who understand.

the sad thing about all of this though is that I'm going to college to be a social worker.
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Old 05-11-2010, 09:03 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by AvecPlaisir View Post
i didnt read the responses but in case no1 has mentioned yet, you MUST be more truthful with your boyfriend.

explain to him your situation. if he is worth keeping he will understand and try to help you.

don't be so hard on yourself, i wish i could maintain a 3.8. that is definitely an accomplishment. try to see the world in a better light. you have a boyfriend, a job, go to school. that is more than others have. i do hope things turn up, keep striving to improve socially!
I know my lack of confidence REALLY hurts me and I really need to be honest.. We have been together for six months and I feel they love me and wants to help me...like they actually really outgoing and extroverted and has actually been pretty understanding with me.

Like, instead of going to the bars or whatever, he will make me dinner at home and we will spend a quiet time at home, or we will just go for a walk. I guess I'm so deathly afraid of them thinking I'm loser that I've lied and I know that all this lying isn't going to help me in the end either...especially since they have a lot of friends and want to help me get a car.
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Old 05-11-2010, 11:55 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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At least you have a boyfriend.

I've never had a girlfriend since birth, 0 friends and 0 social life.
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Old 05-11-2010, 12:25 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by jennifer1105 View Post
I am 21 years old. I do not even have a driver's license because I'm afraid to drive. I haven't made any new friends after I graduated from high school. I seriously do not know how to talk to people. Recently I was with my significant other and I was introduced to some friends of theirs and when the friends tried to talk to me I give out one word answers and only talk when they talk to me first. It is ALWAYS like this wherever I go.

For one...I just feel ugly and I hate being in public. I still live at home with my parents and when I don't see my significant other I stay in my room all day long. I don't go out and do a damn thing.

I do have a job but I only work about 10 hours a week because I'm so quiet. I'm sick of people mistaking it for me being *****y when in fact I'm just terrified. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm probably going to be dumped soon because I can't make friends and I'm just a loser. I know its the case because they are starting to want to see me less and less. this always happens to me when I date someone. I'm always going to be alone. I wish I could be normal but I can't and I never will.

I haven't left my house since Wednesday either. This is normal behavior for me to go for almost a week or more without leaving the house. I want to be normal and get a better job and leave the house but I feel like how can I get a better job when I'm like this? I'm just a freak in everyone's eyes and it would probably be better if I wasn't even here in the first place.

I mean...I'm in college and I have a 3.8 GPA. I feel like I'm intelligent but I'm not going to get anywhere in life when I'm like this. It's all going to go to waste.

I've lied to my significant other so much too...they think I have a license and it's "just because I don't have a car". they don't realize how hard it truly is for me to be in social interactions because I always feel like i'm bering judged and i just don't know how to really communicate as an adult. i feel like i'm living as a 15 year old instead of a 21 year old because I don't even know how to speak to people. i'm too afraid.
im 21, no friends, no school, still at home, no job, there are others like you, oh i can't even drive A BIKE, at least you are in college
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Old 05-11-2010, 12:26 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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At least you have a boyfriend.

I've never had a girlfriend since birth, 0 friends and 0 social life.
me neither hi5
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Old 05-12-2010, 01:35 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Who cares if you're not productive like some others. The ones who work their asses off love to whine about people who are not suffering as much as them, so they talk crap to ones not doing as much as they are.

The way I look it, bum off the ones who are like that. Use their technology, use their ideas, benefit from them changing the modern world.
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