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Old 01-18-2009, 12:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I'm sick of people staring at me

This may just be more of a rant than anything else, but goodness gracious being in public just makes me so incredibly tense and nervous all of the time. I have a huge fear of being judged. I kind of expect social rejection before it even comes to me, so I just have stopped trying to make friends or have relationships of any kind with people, because I can just tell that they dont like me or dont want to be around me or think I am dumb or something like that.
For example, this past semester in school, I was a TA for an AP Art History class along with another girl. Now, this girl has failing grades, never took the class, doesnt know the teacher, just basically got put in the class by her counselor. I am the one who enters grades in the computer, grades papers, does all of the things a TA does. But, whenever we engaged in social interactions with the teacher or students, I tend to be more quiet and not talk as much as this other girl. So, whenever I am in a one on one situation, the other person doesnt really talk to me and I feel incredibly awkward. To me, this clearly means that that person doesnt like me as much as they like Kelly and that I am socially inept.

Anyways, whenever I go out in public, I get stared at like crazy. Other girls give me dirty looks, little kids scare me, random preteen girls stare at me, creeper old men stare at me, basically everyone. It makes me feel so incredibly self conscious. I feel like I am on display or something, and everyone is just watching me walk or wait in line or pay for something, I just dont understand why they feel the need to do so. I just want to dissapear and fade back into the background.


I hate going out and whenever I do I always feel like ****
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Old 01-18-2009, 01:02 AM   #2 (permalink)
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By any chance are you wearing sunglasses when you go out? I recently got a new pair of sunglasses and I have never really worn them before. I noticed that there are a lot of people that look at me when I have them on. I think its cause when someone is wearing sunglasses, you cant see their eyes so you don't know if they are looking at you or not so if you are staring and they catch you, you aren't even aware.
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Old 01-18-2009, 01:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Yesterday I was out snow blowing. I now have to blow my snow clear up north of my house due to running out of room closer to the driveway. The son of the lady that owns the house right behind me was out in driveway. He kept staring at me with a dirty look. I wasn't even getting the snow close to his driveway. He doesn't live there. His parents were put in the Nursing home and he comes up once in awhile to visit them. I don't know why they won't sell that house. I felt like telling him to go back to Milwaukee. Stupid ahole.
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Old 01-18-2009, 02:47 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by IDK View Post
By any chance are you wearing sunglasses when you go out? I recently got a new pair of sunglasses and I have never really worn them before. I noticed that there are a lot of people that look at me when I have them on. I think its cause when someone is wearing sunglasses, you cant see their eyes so you don't know if they are looking at you or not so if you are staring and they catch you, you aren't even aware.
No, I wasnt. I was dressed pretty normally, like everyone else
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Old 01-18-2009, 07:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I hate going outside because I hate ppl looking at me. The older I get, the less I trust myself not to explode with violence. If ppl knew my state of mind I don't think they would have the balls to stare at me. I'm that guy that may look real nervous sometimes, but if somebody misreads it as weakness and messes with me when I'm at a breaking point, they'll never do it to anybody again. I'm not overly tough, I am getting dangerous. Everything I just wrote only applies to males 18-49 or there about that think they're gonna be jackasses or try to intimidate me. The more you guarantee me I'll go to Hell if I snap, the more violent I'll be when I do break. I won't off myself at this point, and I won't be taken alive if it happens.
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Metric....your pretty ,people look at attractive things/people. maybe in your mind theyre staring at you thinking bad stuff or that they hate you.when in reality they could be looking at you because you look interesting and they want to get to know you. when i see another girl whos dressed well i kinda stare,because i like her style and i wanna get some ideas on how to dress myself. i idk i cant blame you though i feel the same way sometimes,
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm a completely average-looking person but people stare at me. Obviously it's because they hate me on sight. Maybe I'm wearing the wrong colour, maybe I'm listening to my music too loudly and they're judging what I'm listening to, maybe I'm an obnoxious overachiever if I'm reading a Dostoevsky book while waiting for a bus...there's so much I can think of that I could be judged for, and when people stare at me, it just confirms everything. I had to hide in the bathroom at the bus terminal the other day for an hour to escape.

It's so much easier to just stay home.
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:16 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I feel the same way, although it's gotten much better. I can handle little kids and the elderly (sometimes adults) but any kid above age eight terrifies me. It's pathetic. In my high school, most of the popular people know. I told one of them who I trust even though both of us know he's not trustworthy and I thought he'd have the sense to kept it to himself but no. He and some of his friends have backed off in some cases, which I appreciate, but others have used it against me and the minute I get up the stairs to go to my locker, I'm fair game with the stares and everything. I remember being in a store and getting a glare from a random adult. I wanted to be like "What's your problem?"
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Old 01-18-2009, 10:37 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Metric View Post
This may just be more of a rant than anything else, but goodness gracious being in public just makes me so incredibly tense and nervous all of the time. I have a huge fear of being judged. I kind of expect social rejection before it even comes to me, so I just have stopped trying to make friends or have relationships of any kind with people, because I can just tell that they dont like me or dont want to be around me or think I am dumb or something like that.
For example, this past semester in school, I was a TA for an AP Art History class along with another girl. Now, this girl has failing grades, never took the class, doesnt know the teacher, just basically got put in the class by her counselor. I am the one who enters grades in the computer, grades papers, does all of the things a TA does. But, whenever we engaged in social interactions with the teacher or students, I tend to be more quiet and not talk as much as this other girl. So, whenever I am in a one on one situation, the other person doesnt really talk to me and I feel incredibly awkward. To me, this clearly means that that person doesnt like me as much as they like Kelly and that I am socially inept.

Anyways, whenever I go out in public, I get stared at like crazy. Other girls give me dirty looks, little kids scare me, random preteen girls stare at me, creeper old men stare at me, basically everyone. It makes me feel so incredibly self conscious. I feel like I am on display or something, and everyone is just watching me walk or wait in line or pay for something, I just dont understand why they feel the need to do so. I just want to dissapear and fade back into the background.


I hate going out and whenever I do I always feel like ****
i used to hate being stared at . it was a major issue for me. im pretty much over it now though. i dont think my advice on overcoming this situation will appeal to you as i got over my problem by doing shame attack exercises , going into public in fancy dress and doing crazy things to draw attention to myself.

can i ask , are you physically very attractive ? if so that may be the reason why people stare so much. if not maybe they arent staring as much as you think and you are just distorting reallity cos of your beleifs around this issue ?
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Old 01-18-2009, 10:51 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I know how you feel. I can always feel people's eyes on me and it really bothers me. That is why I stay away from the mall as much as I possibly can. Unfortunately, it's never going to stop. People just don't get that staring is rude.
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Old 01-18-2009, 11:13 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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This used to bother me a bunch also. Anymore when im in public I don't think much of it. Sure I get nervous at some places, but for the most part im never going to meet any of those people anyway so... I hope they get a good look? haha.
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Old 01-18-2009, 01:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Isn't this just another symptom of SA? I always feel like people are staring at me and watching my every move. But for the most part, I think I'm imagining it.
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Old 01-18-2009, 01:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I get the same way too whenever I'm out in public. I always think everyone is judging me and staring at me. I hate when you think someone's staring at you and when you go to check, you meet eyes with them. THat's really embarrassing and awkward. It helps to just think that they're just going about their business and just looking at what's around them. In 5 seconds they're going to forget about you anyway and if you don't know them then their thoughts about you are really irrelevant.
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Old 01-18-2009, 02:00 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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This bothers me so much too. Do I have three heads or something???

I know sometimes I am not imagining it either, people just stare. I don't get it, doesn't everyone know it's rude? Grrr. It certainly does nothing to help my anxiety.
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Old 01-18-2009, 02:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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im exactly the same way. people tend to stare at me alot and it really makes me feel self conscious...more so than i already am. Ive told my mom and a friend about it but they just say its coz im pretty i constantly feel ugly though. when im out i just feel like hiding under a chair lol
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Old 01-18-2009, 05:51 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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i know exactly what you guys mean. i deal with all this same bullcrap every day of my life. and it eats me alive. i don't know how to cope with it.. it just makes me sick and its made me an angry bitter person.. and over what? random individuals that don't know squat about me? with their judgemental eyes. id give naything to get past being stared at in public it makes me sick.

i was working out in the gym, running on a treadmill. and while running you can see a view of the pool ahead of you. anyways this man sitting in a hot tub kept staring at me. at first i let it go.. but then he was looking right at me and it pissed me off. i gave him a dirty look but like a random idiot he kept looking.. i lost it at that point and was so angry and it reminded me of how many times i deal with crap like this in a day. n i gave him the finger. it wasn't his fault but at that point i lost myself to my anger. i felt bad about it later.. its unreal how much a little stare can affect you emotionally. its not juts one little stare all the stares build up and it makes you sick.

and i don't understand when ppl say you "feel" like people are starting and judging you.. either they are staring or they're not. and they are.
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Old 01-18-2009, 06:47 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Yea when I go places people stare at me too... I really hate when little kids do it because it seems they don't know it's rude or something.
I wonder if it's because people with SA are naturally tense or nervous in public places so it shows up in our body language so we actually stick out??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talha View Post

and i don't understand when ppl say you "feel" like people are starting and judging you.. either they are staring or they're not. and they are.
No kidding man I went with A friend to the mall once but I took A few shots before I went because I was feeling really nervous but the alcohol made me relax and actually look back at people. Turns out when I felt someone staring I looked at them and caught them looking... Then I keep staring back at them and feel like A jerk.

You know what's funny I never get decent looking women to stare LOL. People suck
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:36 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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i just been throught this tonight on the train,i wanted to justhide and go into a shell, i felt like the whole train was staring at me and thinking bad things,idk i tried to be positive and change but i go in circles, when i think im out i get pulled right back in
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:52 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jollybeans View Post
i just been throught this tonight on the train,i wanted to justhide and go into a shell, i felt like the whole train was staring at me and thinking bad things,idk i tried to be positive and change but i go in circles, when i think im out i get pulled right back in
even if u can think positively.. you still get annoyed by the reality of ppl staring at you no matter what.
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Old 01-18-2009, 10:15 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
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even if u can think positively.. you still get annoyed by the reality of ppl staring at you no matter what.
\
yeah i do. its like why stare at me? its so rude i never look to weird i try to make my appear as normal as possible. but people stare at me, i guess i look so uncomfortable because of my SA that i stand out
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