I doubt anyone here can relate, as it isn't normal and doesn't have anything to do with SA, but I figured I'll post this anyway. (Might be TMI for some of you, so I warn you, it's pretty gross)
Like the title says: I'm afraid to shower. And I'm not 100% why. The only reason I can think of is maybe because I never really got used to it - I never really liked
bathing, but it didn't always scare me. Since I could get away with it, I'd avoid bathing for as long as I could, until my parents told
me to. I've had the habit of avoiding it for years now, and even though I've been having to bathe more often than I used to (Parents, sister and I had to move in with my Mom's parents, and so since I'm around more people I've been having to bathe more), I still haven't gotten over this 'fear'. (Just to make it more clear - I could put off bathing for half a year or longer when it was just my parents, sister and me. Now I have to shower once a month/month and a half)
So aside from not being in the habit of bathing, other reasons it 'scares' me is; the water makes me feel like I'm having trouble breathing. Even in the shower. As soon as the water touches my back, I tense up and get the shivers. I have to move out of the water every few moments so I can breathe. (And I don't think it's a water temperature issue. Hot or cold, my body reacts the same)
Then there's soap - I'm always afraid I'm using too much or too little. That my hair is going to be really dry or really oily (I'm not really sure why that bothers me, though. My hair is oily if I don't
take a shower, too, yet I'm completely fine with that. :/)
I'm also afraid that I'm using too much water, and the more time that passes, the more panicked I feel.
The worst part though is how the dead skin.. uh.. 'flakes' off (Can't think of a better way to explain it) You know, when you rub your skin after getting it wet and skin flakes off? I'm told it's just dead skin and it does that because I don't bathe often enough, but even when I wash my hands often, the skin on my hands still does that. It feels gross.. dead, wet skin = sticky to the touch. So instead of 'clean' I just feel gross. (Not to mention how long
it takes to rub all that dead skin off. It not being my shower I already feel rushed enough, but 20+ minutes of trying to rub all that off? s-t-r-e-s-s-f-u-l
Anyone have any advice?
I can't shower much more often than I already do because like I said, it isn't my shower. So I can't just practice getting 'used to it'.