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Old 12-18-2009, 03:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I'm going to die alone, aren't I?

I am not physically attractive, I have no interpersonal skills and have never kissed anyone before. I will never have the ability to deal with people needed to succeed professionally and will likely never leave my mothers house because I have no friends to move in with and cant bear the idea of living by myself some place. I am going to die a sad, lonely old virgin who has never experienced any kind of close attachment to another human being.

If I could just experience even one week of being with someone I might be able to live my life at least knowing I had experience love once, but I dont even think that will happen.
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Old 12-18-2009, 03:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I am going to die a sad, lonely old virgin who has never experienced any kind of close attachment to another human being.
It's a pretty bleak prospect, isn't it? I feel much the same except that I see no point in waiting to get old.
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Old 12-18-2009, 04:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Wow, that is so me it's scary!
I do live on my own though - 4 min from my mum :S I'm not handling it particularly well though, but it's large enough to not feel too confining a prison. I still can't leave if there's someone else from the building on the staircase though so have to time my shopping carefully.

Will we die alone? Hmm, I don't know tbh. I have my serious doubts I'll succeed. I guess all I can say is really that I haven't given up hope. So I have hope for you as well.
The day that hope fades, there won't really be anything left, I feel.
I wish I had something more comforting to say. I'll keep trying to find a way for this exactly until I'm forced to quit.
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Old 12-18-2009, 05:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I know That's how I feel. I get afraid that that is how my life will be. But I can't bring myself to give up and drown. We just have to keep trying so that least we can say "I tried my best." I don't think we could ever regret trying but I know giving up will bring more despair. Are you in school or do you work?
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I wish I had better news for you guys. But I'm a lot older than you and I'm still alone. REALLY alone. My family is all gone - my father passed away a few years ago. I have finally given up on getting by without meds and am taking paxil. I don't see what good it's going to do. There is no drug that works against isolation and alienation from society.
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Old 12-18-2009, 08:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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yeah i feel you, im just tired of things just staying the same year after year. im going turn twenty three next week and i dont know how i could make it another year living and feeling like this. i havent necessarily given up hope, but eventually im going to have to man up and take charge of my social life and stop expecting a miracle to happen while i sit in front of my computer for endless hours a day.
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Old 12-18-2009, 08:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Ill die with you..so when we're old and cripply
Looking we'd keep each other company lol
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, same here. I am hoping I will get married... but for now, no way! I'm still in highschool and I feel teens don't know anything about love. The way they look at having a boyfriend or girlfriend is stupid. I do want to meet someone.. I do get anxiety from being someone's "girlfriend" but I hope to get to know the person very well and be able to tell him my feelings.
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Join the club. Oh wait, this kinda is a club...
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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All I can say is, dude, you're still young. Actually, regardless of age, your fate is (mostly) in your hands. If you give up and do nothing, then you'll receive nothing. Life isn't going to happen through wishful thinking. You have to work for it! As cliche as that sounds! You have to believe you are worth it! Believe me, I try everyday.

Never give up. I live life with this in mind: if my life fails, at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing that I put in my best effort. We weren't given the choice of being in this **** hole, only the choice to make the best of it. Do the best that you can... for that's ALL you can do!
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I was much the same was as the OP, no life, found out my friends were not friends, dont think i`m attractive, living at home, no job, no social skills and couldn`t even leave the house most days. I felt like i was going to die alone and was wondering if life was even worth living, i`m not ashamed to admit i curled up in a ball and cried like a baby. I just couldn`t take it anymore, i started seeing a counsellor, medications and started to motivate myself to overcomes me fears, change my thinking, not putting myself down. It is these seemingly insurmountable fears that hold us back from out true potential. Our minds like to work against us and we tend to fear the worst case scenario`s all the time. It`s not easy but learning to put the fears aside as irrational thoughts is the first step, each step after that gets easier. Just remember not everyone see`s beauty in the same way, to one person you could be hot and to another not so much.

I`m by no means cured of sa, but i have made one new friend since i started making changes and it makes a big difference. The more i talk with him the better my talking becomes in general. From there i have even progressed to probably one of the most scary and self esteem crushing things know to man-woman, the dreaded dating world. I don`t expect you to believe that this can happen, i know when i hit bottom a few months ago i got much the same advice given to me and i laughed it off. But it does work you just have to want it bad enough and to keep going.
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Old 12-18-2009, 10:14 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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That's my biggest fear. But don't give up hope yet. You never know...
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Old 12-18-2009, 11:15 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Don't worry bro. And relationships aren't everything. I know the feeling of loneliness all too well, and wish I could find my companion, being able to live and work in society, but don't give up. And don't feel bad at 23 still living at home. I'm 28 and still live at home with no job, but there will be opportunities. Keep the hope and positivity.
And it's not about what you look like, but who you are as a person. Even when you can't show it, someone will see you for who you really are.
There are good people in the world, but having SA doesn't make it easy to find them. I'm still looking myself, but I wont give up and I hope you never do either.
Love and power man
Feel free to message me anytime, I'm always looking for good friends and you sound like a cool dude.
I also see you're from Ireland? I'd love to visit there sometime. I have like 99% irish in me lol
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Old 12-19-2009, 12:47 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I seriously doubt you will die alone. Keep working on getting out there and it will happen.

You have to make it happen; it won't come to you and fall in your lap.
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Old 12-19-2009, 01:28 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I seriously doubt you will die alone. Keep working on getting out there and it will happen.

You have to make it happen; it won't come to you and fall in your lap.
Well I think that's halfway right.
You do have to do something, but something could be something as little as me right now expressing my opinion on a message board.

True, the stars have to be lucky, and it's really not a plan of the way to do things, but all I have to say is I've experienced luck by doing only a few small things. Talking in a Tool chat room, going to a Tool concert, having said person from Tool chat room meet me at my house, engaging in relationships, getting to know each other, so forth. Granted, the stars were aligned and luck is not the way life works, however, if all else fails you can count on luck to bail you out!

Ok well, that's probably a bad life lesson, but it's a story I have to tell so.. yeah. Don't ever give up! That's the moral of the story.
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Old 12-19-2009, 02:33 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I seriously doubt you will die alone. Keep working on getting out there and it will happen.

You have to make it happen; it won't come to you and fall in your lap.
I kinda disagree tbh. I've been trying so hard for a long time now.
I do the things I can manage and feel good about, which ofc isn't what others are able to do, but I'm sure I put more energy into it still.
So far that hasn't done anything for it and if anything I get told I shouldn't go looking for it so much, because it will come when I'm not looking

Ofc you'll have to be available and not shut yourself in at home, but other than that I really don't know.
I make no assumption there's love for all - I unfortunately follow the news which sometimes has stories on this :\
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Ill die with you..so when we're old and cripply
Looking we'd keep each other company lol
Heh, that sound nice..? Though really, I guess Fuzzy Logic 'gets' you. Blasted queue system!
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:38 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I'm much older than you, but even I haven't lost hope. I honestly believe that there is someone out there for me. Will I find her if I give up hope? Nope, probably not. That's the danger of giving up hope - you also give up any chances that might come along the way.

And being physically attractive is overrated. I mean, look at Brad Pitt; there are tons of girls out there who think he's repulsive. And they dig geeky looking guys. There's a handle for every pot, as one might say.
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Old 12-19-2009, 07:01 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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You have said you are not physically attractive and have never kissed anyone before etc. Well I have kissed someone before and found it extremely boring and I am physically attractive (so they say) but that doesn't mean I am going to be surrounded with people when I die. The point I am trying to make is, these things you are quoting don't have much to do with the fact whether you are going to die alone or not. Beautiful people with SA are going to die alone as well so it doesn't really make a difference there

I was in a "relationship" before and trust me it used to be one reason that caused me so much stress those days. Going out, living up to the expectations, having to deal with his family and parents, parties, maintaining social connections of the partner etc. It's not as great as it looks to be in the movies. So don't spoil your happiness by thinking that if you had someone you would be better off. With a partner beside you, all you are doing is solving some problems and creating a brand new set of problems. Partner might not solve your problem, it might even make it worse.

Finally, not many people die old on a bed surrounded by grandchildren saying goodbye. We don't know how we will die. I have a feeling that most people die alone whether they have SA or not, whether they are married or not.
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:56 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy Logic View Post
I am not physically attractive, I have no interpersonal skills and have never kissed anyone before. I will never have the ability to deal with people needed to succeed professionally and will likely never leave my mothers house because I have no friends to move in with and cant bear the idea of living by myself some place. I am going to die a sad, lonely old virgin who has never experienced any kind of close attachment to another human being.

If I could just experience even one week of being with someone I might be able to live my life at least knowing I had experience love once, but I dont even think that will happen.

You and I are like the same person
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Old 01-09-2010, 01:18 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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It's a pretty bleak prospect, isn't it? I feel much the same except that I see no point in waiting to get old.
I second this.
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