i'm giving up..i quit!!!!

[starstruck09]

I have been extremely frustrated lately. I've been sort of talking more about my SA with friends and such and no one seems to understand. I have this one friend who is extremely understanding and he is trying to go out of his way to be nice to me and try to accommodate me. The poor guy thinks that if I go out with him and some other friends just to a movie where they can all "keep my comfortable" (his words not mine) that I will be fine. He seems to think that this is the magic cure all. I told him I really appreciated him and what he was trying to do and I hated the fact that it isn't that simple.

He said that my only real problem I have is that I am afraid of embarrassing myself or the people I'm with and that I'm the only thing holding myself back from leading a full, happy and productive life. While that may be partially true as you all know it isn't something I can just "turn off" or "on". Then, this older couple I know, they used to work at my company a few years ago. Well they added me to facebook and the husband has been constantly harassing me over it and making fun of me. All I get asked are stupid questions like "Are you still afraid of people?" "Do you go out any?" "Are you dating anyone now?" I am sick of it. He even said he thought I was a lesbian because he hasn't seen me dating anyone in a long time.

My other friends just keep begging me to go out and do stuff and they sort of put me on a guilt trip and are like "I wish you could go but I know that you can't" or something like that. I'm so sick and fed up with everything and everyone. I feel like I am just going to explode. I hate absolutely everything about my life. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for my family. I don't think they could handle another suicide in the family, especially my parents and my grandmother. I am sick of not being able to drive, date, work a normal job, go to college, etc. I can't do anything a so called "normal" person can do. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I guess I've just given up and I really don't care about anything anymore.

All I do is sit by myself when I'm home and distract myself with some kind of online game & listen to music or cry. At work I just mask how I'm feeling but day by day it's getting harder and harder to get through the day. I don't really have the will to live but I don't have the nerve to end it either. I'm just fed up with everything and I hate feeling like this.

[jellybelly]

*hugs*

Don't give up, don't quit! You can get better. Don't let SA rule your life. (Says me, being depressed and letting SA rule my life lol).

That husband of that couple sounds horribly insensitive. Can't you defriend him on facebook or something?

I hope things get better for you. Keep trying.

PM me if you ever need to talk

[ChadsWick1234]

Originally Posted by starstruck09

I have been extremely frustrated lately. I've been sort of talking more about my SA with friends and such and no one seems to understand. I have this one friend who is extremely understanding and he is trying to go out of his way to be nice to me and try to accommodate me. The poor guy thinks that if I go out with him and some other friends just to a movie where they can all "keep my comfortable" (his words not mine) that I will be fine. He seems to think that this is the magic cure all. I told him I really appreciated him and what he was trying to do and I hated the fact that it isn't that simple.

He said that my only real problem I have is that I am afraid of embarrassing myself or the people I'm with and that I'm the only thing holding myself back from leading a full, happy and productive life. While that may be partially true as you all know it isn't something I can just "turn off" or "on". Then, this older couple I know, they used to work at my company a few years ago. Well they added me to facebook and the husband has been constantly harassing me over it and making fun of me. All I get asked are stupid questions like "Are you still afraid of people?" "Do you go out any?" "Are you dating anyone now?" I am sick of it. He even said he thought I was a lesbian because he hasn't seen me dating anyone in a long time.

My other friends just keep begging me to go out and do stuff and they sort of put me on a guilt trip and are like "I wish you could go but I know that you can't" or something like that. I'm so sick and fed up with everything and everyone. I feel like I am just going to explode. I hate absolutely everything about my life. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for my family. I don't think they could handle another suicide in the family, especially my parents and my grandmother. I am sick of not being able to drive, date, work a normal job, go to college, etc. I can't do anything a so called "normal" person can do. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I guess I've just given up and I really don't care about anything anymore.

All I do is sit by myself when I'm home and distract myself with some kind of online game & listen to music or cry. At work I just mask how I'm feeling but day by day it's getting harder and harder to get through the day. I don't really have the will to live but I don't have the nerve to end it either. I'm just fed up with everything and I hate feeling like this.

Don't let people get you down they can be really cruel sometimes. I really have alot of anger towards other people and alot of it is justified because I have been treated pretty badly. I gotten to the point now that I am anticipating a fight. Maybe because I just have had my life threatened a couple times. Most people are no good anyway.