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Old 07-30-2013, 10:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I'm disinterested with everything

I've finally reached a point in my life where nothing in this world is enough for me and I'm completely disinterested with everything. There were times throughout my life, like anyone else, where I was bored or just disinterested, but no more than a couple days to a week would go by before I'd eventually find something to do that held some of my interest, even if it was just a video/pc game. But nothing is helping now.

I know I'm majorly depressed and most wouldn't blame me with the poor physical condition I'm in (by birth, not choice), having to face heart surgery at 18 and recently diagnose with type 2 diabetes(not cause I'm overweight, my pancreas just stopped working), but I've met, read about and seen other people in even worse situations and after some time bounce back to normal or find a semi-normal routine. I'm fearing I might not recover, especially since death and just ending this hell has been constantly on my mind. I literally have nothing or no one to live for, I have no money, no ability to work, no jobs where I live, no place to get out of the house even for a short period, no socializing places, no friends, no family I could visit or stay with that has a better atmosphere, no ability or money to go to a therapist or psychologists, nothing...

There's a small part of me that doesn't want to give up, but I can't seem to find anything that interests me, even if it's just for a moment. I've tried reading, but after a couple pages I'm not paying attention, have to re-read sections over and over until I'm frustrated, just not in the mood, I bought a couple new video games, but barely have played as they aren't keeping my interest. I'm bored at about 15 minutes (not that they are bad games, I bought them for a reason, I just can't get myself to focus).

I'm also not sleeping, toss and turn throughout most of the night, back and body constantly aching, over-the-counter meds don't work, prescription meds have too many ill-side effects on my already dis-functioning body, herbs don't seem to work that great, focusing on my breathing or other meditative stuff only calms my rattled and anxious body momentarily, but does nothing for my mind and I still feel disinterested.

Nothing in this world or even outside of it gives me an interest or desire to live life. Even the idea of certain things or imagination of what could be doesn't even interest me. I'm very disinterested in romantic relationships, don't want to get married or have that one companion, would rather have some close friends, I don't want my own family for various reasons, most occupations or careers I really don't care about or find boring, and as much as I'd like to go traveling I have no money, transportation and my health pretty much keeps me trapped or confined.

My mother has constantly been on my back about learning things, even if I'm just watching videos on youtube, but I find it pointless to have all this knowledge if I'm not interested or will ever find a use for it or would ever take it seriously enough to do for a living/career.

I hate this feeling, but I don't know what to do about it. I wish I could be positive, enjoy life and live for something/someone.
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Old 07-30-2013, 11:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I'm sorry you feel that way, that's not nice to hear.

This might sound like a super stupid suggestion, but give it some genuine thought.

(Don't punch me)

But have you considered jogging? Now wait, you talked about physical problems and such. Well when I started jogging I could barely keep going for two minutes. Now I can run for up to an hour without stopping.

The only thing you gotta do is put on some decent clothes. Go outside and totally forget about everything in your head. Just don't think about it. Helps to have headphones on. And just run wherever you feel like. And go further each day, or if not each day, every second or third day.

You don't have to run when you don't feel like it, but after a while there will be times when you feel like running. It can give you a different perspective on where you live. You can end up places you didn't expect to go.

It won't solve all your problems, but there's no downside, and it can be superior to meditation in my opinion, because you are distracted by the physical action of running.

Not a solution for your life, just an idea. I think it would help. But the 'magic bullet'. I am still unaware of myself.
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Old 07-30-2013, 11:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Here comes the punch! Just kidding :P

I was actually out walking for a time two weeks ago and in my attempts to jog or run I failed. My body just started screaming at me and I was forced to take a break as I could barely move around the house afterwards and making it that much harder to sleep. I thought it would help me get tired enough to dose off quicker and sleep longer, but obviously not for me.

It's not a bad idea to walk or run. I felt good while I was out and I know it's health to do so, but once I return home I go back to this disinterest self/mood.
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Old 07-30-2013, 11:42 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Yah, but I'm the same eh. I generally feel the same as usual when I'm sitting around or at my house. And it makes being motivated to go running that much harder.

But it's a learning curve. Like I said at first I could barely run anywhere and I very nearly gave up. The only goal is to be able to run further. But you gotta be able to switch your brain off.

But at first it won't feel good. It doesn't mean it isn't for you. It just means you gotta work your way into it more. Once you are running a lot more strongly it will definitely help you with sleep and that kind of stuff, and give you some temporary euphoria.

It's just a good idea in the long run. But like I said, not a life solution or nuthin'.
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Old 07-30-2013, 11:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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But at first it won't feel good. It doesn't mean it isn't for you. It just means you gotta work your way into it more.
I think I'll just start with walking for a time until I'm able to progress to running, physically at least.
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Old 07-31-2013, 07:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I think I'll just start with walking for a time until I'm able to progress to running, physically at least.
Dysthymia sucks. If you find that you can't will yourself to get more active (activity is THE medicine for depression), then you should perhaps look into finding a therapist (I assume you haven't gone to one yet)
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Old 07-31-2013, 07:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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depression ..
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Meh...
I guess life could be worse or could it?
Because nothing seems to be getting better, stormy day cloudy weather...Be strong regardless,dont break like glass instead put your enemies through glass I always say.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Dysthymia sucks. If you find that you can't will yourself to get more active (activity is THE medicine for depression), then you should perhaps look into finding a therapist (I assume you haven't gone to one yet)
Can't afford to go to a therapist.
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Old 07-31-2013, 01:24 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Can't afford to go to a therapist.
Isn't there some kind of free public health institution you can go to???
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Old 07-31-2013, 02:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Isn't there some kind of free public health institution you can go to???
Nope. Been trying to get on disability, but keep getting rejected. I've got plenty of doctors notes to prove it, government just doesn't want to help me out.
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Old 07-31-2013, 02:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I was going to suggest making art. You could draw landscapes of places you'd like to visit and put them on your wall. Or you could make something interesting and colorful (out of paper?). You said that when you get home you kind of lose interest, so I thought the art would also help to keep your house more interesting or at least different.
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Old 07-31-2013, 04:05 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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I'm sorry life has not been kind to you. I don't really think it's much kind to anyone, really.

I think jogging is a good idea. In fact, long distance running, cycling, hiking, swimming, yoga, and any other sport that rely on endurance create a rise in serotonin levels. After a good exercise you'll be able to sleep better. In addition, try taking a warm bath before going to sleep. A relaxed body is able to sleep better.

I wish you all the best and that normality returns to you soon.
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Old 07-31-2013, 06:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I was going to suggest making art. You could draw landscapes of places you'd like to visit and put them on your wall. Or you could make something interesting and colorful (out of paper?). You said that when you get home you kind of lose interest, so I thought the art would also help to keep your house more interesting or at least different.
I wish I could create some sort of art, just don't have that gene, among others.

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I'm sorry life has not been kind to you. I don't really think it's much kind to anyone, really.

I think jogging is a good idea. In fact, long distance running, cycling, hiking, swimming, yoga, and any other sport that rely on endurance create a rise in serotonin levels. After a good exercise you'll be able to sleep better. In addition, try taking a warm bath before going to sleep. A relaxed body is able to sleep better.

I wish you all the best and that normality returns to you soon.
I live on the mountains and there aren't as many opporunities for outside physical activities as in the flat-lands. Roads are pretty windy, very high and low. I've already dived down hills and crashed into banks to avoid becoming road kill, so biking is out of the question. There is a lake, but it's only opened on holidays and I don't do well in crowds. The only thing really to do is walking and if I can eventually work up to it jogging/running.
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Old 07-31-2013, 07:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I'm in the same boat as you, I have like a 100 games on steam and I still find nothing to play, I can't even watch anymore, most of the time I just lie around in bed
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Old 07-31-2013, 07:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I wish I could create some sort of art, just don't have that gene, among others.
You don't really need skill, just practice. I have no natural talent when it comes to art. But I practiced a lot and I really improved. I can understand it might be hard to work up the motivation to start (and to continue in the beginning) my friend gets the same feeling. But it's definitely worth it. Over time you will get better, and you'll have a lot of nice work.

You can do the same with a lot of other activities, but I suggested art because it's what I did when I was losing interest.
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Old 07-31-2013, 07:44 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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You don't really need skill, just practice. I have no natural talent when it comes to art. But I practiced a lot and I really improved. I can understand it might be hard to work up the motivation to start (and to continue in the beginning) my friend gets the same feeling. But it's definitely worth it. Over time you will get better, and you'll have a lot of nice work.

You can do the same with a lot of other activities, but I suggested art because it's what I did when I was losing interest.
Alright, I'll give it a try...
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:43 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, disinterested with everything, i know what you mean.
I can't currently focus on anything. I love gaming, but recently every game (Planescape Torment, CKII, Fallout, Final Fantasy IV&VII etc.) has felt like "bleh, next one!", same thing with tv-series/movies. It took four days to watch an episode of Jericho and four days and counting with the first episode of Orange Is the New Black.
Even reading some long posts here on this forum is quite hard and taxing atm.

Grrraah, i don't know what the heck this is. I've had depression since i was 13, and also had similar issues before, but not this bad, not even close.
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Old 08-02-2013, 11:23 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I was going to suggest making art. You could draw landscapes of places you'd like to visit and put them on your wall. Or you could make something interesting and colorful (out of paper?). You said that when you get home you kind of lose interest, so I thought the art would also help to keep your house more interesting or at least different.
Boredom is not good.
If we do anything that we're not interested in, then we are wasting our time as anything that we're not interested in will only result in boredom.

If he is not interested in making art, then why should he make art?
If he is not interested in anything, then why should he do anything?

We must consider then, why we should do anything.

The only thing that can help in this situation is not deliberate rational choice, but probability. He cannot force himself to be interested in something but he can rely on the probability that he will be interested in something by chance. What I suggest that you do is to do something that you have no choice but to do. That way your action yields no costs but only benefits and also a probability that you will gain an interest in something. For example, if you have to go to work you may gain boredom, but in return you receive money, more social skills, and also a probability that you will gain and an interest in something naturally which equals more benefits and less costs. Here, we have two choices. A choice between working or not working. The more reasonable choice is to work. The reasonable move in similar dilemmas is always the one that results in the most benefits.
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