After trying to fix my SA for over a decade I'm getting to the point where I believe I might actually be healthier becoming that creepy recluse person who never comes to town except when they need groceries. Over the past decade I've tried just about everything to attempt to become "normal" and get rid of SA and yet I'm still nervous 24/7. I'm not exaggerating here. I'm literally extremely nervous from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. I'm even nervous in my dreams! Every single social situation is exhausting and this includes talking to family whom I live with. If I'm not in a social situation I'm still extremely nervous because I'm dwelling on the fact more social interactions are likely to come. You know what? I'm even nervous writing this post. I'm even starting to notice I'm becoming somewhat of a misanthrope
; likely due in part to SA.
Unfortunately I'm at a point in my life where I have no medical insurance and since I'm in the USA I can't seek therapy or get a prescription for any medications. (I'm unemployed due to SA and can't afford to pay for health insurance) Back when I had health insurance, almost a decade ago, I tried a lot of drugs which didn't help but I was only a teen then. It'd be nice to try the medication/therapy route again now that I'm a bit older, 26 to be exact, but there's no way I can afford it so it's not really an option.
It's funny, I've given thought to just moving out in the middle of nowhere, similar to the movie "Into The wild". (But with better planning and less social interaction) At least then I wouldn't be nervous about social interactions. I'd be far too busy making sure a grizzly bear isn't about to eat my ***. Over the last year I've actually given it serious thought yet I haven't gotten the guts to actually attempt it. It may be that I know I'm just running from the problem rather than fixing it. (Then again, running from the problem is better than dealing with it on a constant basis) Part of me even wonders if the independence and isolation would be good for my SA; perhaps being so isolated would make me love social interaction? Who knows.
Anyhow, sorry for the long rant. I haven't posted here in years, likely due to SA, and I probably won't again due to the same reason. Isn't SA great?