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Old 02-04-2013, 02:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Exclamation Im 26 and "lost"

Before i write anything i just want to say that i have been honest in this post and i am fine if people want to leave me a message and tell me i am hopeless if i am honest i feel like my dreams died a long time ago along with my soul and i accept that.

i am 26 currently and i was adopted when i was about 3 my adoptive dad wasnt as loving as i would have liked and to cut it short i grew up being physically and emotionally abused, this basically left me with zero confidence and i always hid myself away so i missed my childhood, i regret it now as i have things i love mainly musicals and opera and i always wished that i had gone to a drama club as a child but now its to late,i have no friends at all, i am so unhappy with my life, i have a criminal conviction (and even though i will be judged im going to be honest) this conviction means that i am on the sex offenders until 2016. i didnt physically do anything i took a picture in a female toilet which i know now was the stupidest thing i could have done but i didnt have the confidence to face a female and at the time i was depressed and in a bad place, but i now know it was wrong and it ruined what little life was left in me and i regret it. I am just desperate now, i think of suicide all the time, but i am so desperate for that happy ending that you see in the movies all theatre, i dream all the time that i could have a family of my own intead of being lonely on my own forever and my heart breaks even writing this i have tears cause i dont feel like ill ever be normal or happy, i really dont know what else to do but i really dont want to be miserable any more. i am not a bad person i have just made bad choices. Mark
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Old 02-04-2013, 02:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Hi Mark,
I'm really sorry to hear all this.
Is there any way that you could join an evening drama class to meet new friends and keep your mind off suicidal thoughts for a while?
It sounds like a trivial solution to all these problems but then again, you never know until you try. Don't worry about having made bad choices in your life but what you did after you made them. If we all dwell on our last bad choices then we wouldn't make any good choices in the future! So instead think, I may have done X but I'm so proud of myself for having reacted in a Y manner
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Unhappy thanks

hi thanks for the reply, the problem i have appart from my confidence is the conviction hangs over me, meaning that even though i am on the register till 2016 it makes it impossible for me to socialise with the requirements and seeing how the majority of drama classes have at least one child in attendance it is virtually impossible and lets face it who would ever employ me in a theatrical role with my past, it just seems like i kinda shot myself in the foot on this one
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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do you work? There are some places who would employ you with a conviction. Im pretty sure labour type jobs wont care if you have a conviction. Do you like dating sites?
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Hey man. I'm just gonna say as it is.

Seeing as you're considering suicide, you NOW have nothing to lose. Right? Ok.
So then what about just going out in some cafe, club or wherever people meet and just start talking to a girl? Or any other person for that matter? Compliment a waitress. Start a convo about some random **** as you stand next to someone waiting for something (bus, train, metro, etc)?

Just try this and keep in mind only THAT will get you what you want. If you get rejected or something, move on to the next person and know the one that rejected you was just not that person you are looking for. Just keep on going and going and earn yourself the respect YOU deserve man. **** all the rest, it's all about YOU.
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Old 02-04-2013, 07:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I am going to be dead honest Mark. Being a female this is really insulting and is a massive turn off. Forget about there being children in the area, if I was in this so called drama club I would be terrified of you. You need to realize that what you did was very wrong and the fact that so far no one has stated how upsetting this is, is really embarrassing.

I am sorry you are having suicidal thoughts, but if you go through with it then you are not taking your punishment like a man. You are are escaping, which is even more insulting. Take your punishment because that girl you took a photo of could be terrified to use a public bathroom now. Do you have any idea what sort of trauma you may have caused her?

Sorry to sound harsh but I feel from a females point of view these things need to be said!
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Old 02-04-2013, 04:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Are there any adult-only evening drama classes? Are you allowed to go to those?

I'm a little confused why they put you on the sex offenders list for that. There was no sexual contact or behaviour involved was there? If not, it seems more like a violation of the privacy law AND entering an opposite gender bathroom (human rights). I'm not trying to justify anything, I'm just saying you might have gotten done for the wrong law.

And actinia, sure nothing can be justified but calm down a little, love! People do ridiculous things when suicidal and depressed, after all, it's usually a plead for help/a sign that they've really surpassed the need for treatment.
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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^ Excuse me, but the law was right and justified, he violated a woman for sexual gratification purposes. (Another example, people who download child porn and caught are registered as sex offenders and they've had no actual contact with victims.) I can't believe you would even argue with this.

I understand OP you're in a bad place now, I think you should seek therapy for issues relating to your childhood and what led you to do what you did. There is no sugar coating it, it was inexcusably bad behavior and you should accept your punishment. Once you've talked to a professional and unmasked the reason for your unhappiness and learned appropriate coping mechanisms, you may see clear of making some of those dreams come true.
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Old 02-04-2013, 06:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Sorry if I sound harsh but its not only the females who find your behavior abnormal, scarey, and I'm glad you must now face the law..Sorry but it could have been any of our daughters/girl friends in the bathroom.. I don't feel sorry for you..I don't want you to kill yourself but I don't think you should get off. If it was someone I knew I'd track you down for sure..Is that honest enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-04-2013, 08:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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U took a pic in a female toilet? Wat does that MEAN????????
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Old 02-06-2013, 04:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by actinia View Post
I am going to be dead honest Mark. Being a female this is really insulting and is a massive turn off. Forget about there being children in the area, if I was in this so called drama club I would be terrified of you. You need to realize that what you did was very wrong and the fact that so far no one has stated how upsetting this is, is really embarrassing.

I am sorry you are having suicidal thoughts, but if you go through with it then you are not taking your punishment like a man. You are are escaping, which is even more insulting. Take your punishment because that girl you took a photo of could be terrified to use a public bathroom now. Do you have any idea what sort of trauma you may have caused her?

Sorry to sound harsh but I feel from a females point of view these things need to be said!

I fully understand where you and others are coming from, nd i know that i cant make any excuses for what i did at the time, (by taking a picture i mean under the cubicle, of which i never viewed, i know that doesnt make it any better) i am not a bad person and i most deffinatly wouldnt want anyone to be afraid of me, thinking im a nutcase of something. I have fully accepted responsability for my actions and i really want to put it all behind me and move on, but i dont think that is possible as in the eyes of others i dont deserve a second chance.

When it comes to the law i am not going to say i was unjustly charged, i did something very serious and i was lucky that they saw i was emotionaly unstable and understood that i was not a bad peron meaning that rather than prison they gave me probation and phyciatric support. lucky isnt the word to use i rather use fortunate. as for the victim there isnt a day that goes by that i dont regret my actions and i have an unemaginable amount of guilt for the grief i caused her, but i can never undo those actions. i always hoped that if i tried to sort my self out and make something of my life it would make right the wrongs but it turns out that once you do something bad people consider you a danger for life regardless, and i dont think there is anything i can do to make that right.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:46 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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You did a stupid and bad thing, but we've all done a stupid and bad thing in our lives, often several. I'm not even going to dare post the worst thing I ever did.........

But why can't you go back to the drama club? Or join a new one? Learn from your past and then leave it behind you.
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:17 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Mark, please do not torture yourself for what you have done. There is no use crying over the spilled milk. It was far from being an honorable thing but at least you acknowledged that it was wrong. It means that you are a good person. A bad individual wouldn't have acknowledged doing something bad. So to my mind, the fact that you regret having done that is a giant step towards your getting better. Please try to arrange your life somehow, get some employment, help some people, do something good. Everything will be fine!
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:43 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I say go to community college and get your AA degree. Then by 2016 when your sex offender thing is gone you can apply to a university. You can major in music or something. It is bad what you did but it's good that you have taken responsibility and have remorse. Try going to college and try meeting people.
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:48 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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What you did was wrong but that does not mean your life is over. It is going to be a hard road for you, but it is one that can be traveled. For now, you should try doing things to help society. Go to young people and talk to guys who have the desire to do these things. Find a way to be a mentor to people and change someones life. Do volunteer work. Anything to show the people around you that you deserve a second chance.

Don't blame your childhood or you metal issues on your actions, that is weak. Realize you were wrong and go make a difference from it. Turn this bad choice into one that makes you a better, stronger person.
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:57 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I think you are on the right track in as much as you have made a mistake and now you want to correct and you admit it. Instead of just feeling sad for yourself, you also feel sorry for the victim and that is a good first step. As for your future, now is the high time for you to decide what you want to be and where you see yourself 5, 10, 15 and 20 years from now. Don't live with the excuse that your future is dark and that i don't know, i am screwed. Make a plan or come up with a goal e.g. if you say you want 10000 pounds saved up in 2 years time, then start looking for jobs, open up a savings account and start accumulating money. Set and hit savings targets on a weekly basis.

This is just an example but the main point is find a Purpose with your life. Then construct a life around that purpose. If your environment is toxic, think about moving someplace else. You live in the UK, you can travel and work anywhere in the EU. Utilize your knowledge of the English language to perhaps teach somewhere. You want a family, so win over a woman who see's a guy with a purpose and vision in life. Don't go for a partner who is just there for a "good time". Maybe you can meet the girl who you taped in the bathroom and apologize in person or in writing. I think just the act itself will probably lift a big burden from your shoulders. I wish all the luck in the world.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:49 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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In his troubled youth Mark Wahlberg assulted a man and left him blind for life.

Food for thought OP.
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Old 02-07-2013, 05:39 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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There are people who have done worse things, and at least you show some remorse and positive thinking, and you seem willing to listen.

Keep communicating, people will help you if you are willing to help yourself.
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Old 02-07-2013, 08:12 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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People make mistakes. We've all had rough patches in our lives. The more we focus on the past, the less we can see the future. Do some volunteer work or apologize to the lady, whatever you think you need to do to make it right. Don't beat yourself up over it and just try to be a better person. Think about the nice things in life and make a list of them. Even if it's simple things like smells or feelings, write it on the list. Then look at the list whenever you feel down and do some of the things on it.
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Old 02-21-2013, 03:01 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilentWitness View Post
^ Excuse me, but the law was right and justified, he violated a woman for sexual gratification purposes. (Another example, people who download child porn and caught are registered as sex offenders and they've had no actual contact with victims.) I can't believe you would even argue with this.

I understand OP you're in a bad place now, I think you should seek therapy for issues relating to your childhood and what led you to do what you did. There is no sugar coating it, it was inexcusably bad behavior and you should accept your punishment. Once you've talked to a professional and unmasked the reason for your unhappiness and learned appropriate coping mechanisms, you may see clear of making some of those dreams come true.
First of all, it was only a suggestion. Besides, the law in your country may vary with mine... Your analogy above is also completely out of proportion. Someone can be put on the sex offenders list for merely urinating in public. Think before you attempt put your humility before other people's, online or offline.
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